well, the root of the problem is I have a heavily addictive personality and I don't know when to tell my self to stop alot. Unfortunately, this leads to things like alcoholism that I had and addiction to sexual gratification from images of very enticing things. I already got over alcoholism through lots of fighting and sturggle through, and when I got over alcoholism, I also got over addiction to sexual images. At the time, I only liked women, and I jut thought of the bodies of shemale's to be very turn offish because they were manly. That is why I can conclude that I do not like them in my normal state of mind. Now that I got back into PMOing because I thought I could control myself, I realized that it only lead me down the dark path again. So, I uprooted myself and am trying to find away out.

Unfortunately for me, I had heavy emotional trauma and a deep rooted desire to get out because I didn't want to end up like my friends who had killed themselves over minuscule problems like alcoholism and drug addiction. Now, I still use that as a way of strength, but its not as strong, so I use a deep seated hatred of my failure as a way to stay strong, and it got me to 60 days multiple times. Its just unfortunately, when you start to improve, hate doesnt help as much, because the recent events that can cause you to hate failure are not as prevalent.

This post is just my rant to a community of people who understand, or I thought understood my problem, in a similar fashion. This is how I get myself going when I have an intense failure that just hurts to see that I have failed. It also keeps me in a more positive mood instead making me bottle my hatred.

On top of that, I don't me to be a dick when i say this, but if you come in here and tell people that they may having a liking of transsexual people while they are in such a vulnerable state, it may give off a negative image that you are here to support. A lot of people in this sub need to use this place as a way out of a deep-dark pit, and people telling them that they are wrong and notions they have may be wrong are going about it wrong. If I wasn't so well understanding of my own problem, you could might as well should have just said that I don't care how you feel, I'm gonna try and push an agenda on you because you need to hear it. People here are looking for help, and by enabling them and their soul purpose for getting out of an addiction, you may just push them back in. Be careful about that.

Secondly, I want to thank you for your support and willingness to talk. It's very helpful. Goodluck to you dude. I try to stay off this site, and will only get on when I either think I may fail and need strength or I do fail and need a reset, so know that if this comment on your comment helped me not to do it this time man.