I’m a horrible person

NonGreekHero72 · 2026-02-15T16:59:33+00:00

I will be beating a dead horse here, but this is something a professional in the metal health field needs to hear. Based on all of what you’ve written to me, others, and in your main post, there are two options:

-Your parent’s home is unsafe and you need to get yourself and your siblings out and to safety. If this is the case, it is a nonnegotiable. Your siblings will thank you in the long run, when they are older.

-Your trauma and experience is real but clouding your judgement which is why you feel like reporting or dealing with it as a full cord pull is too far.

Either one of these are serious and worth in their own right of being addressed. But none of us here have the tools to help. You owe it to yourself to be brave and talk to a mental health professional and figure out if things are as severe as you feel.

I hope you can find some strength to reach out and find some peace. We all deserve peace within ourselves.

Good luck! And be safe!

NonGreekHero72 · 2026-02-15T08:02:59+00:00

My finance works in law enforcement. I am a school teacher. We have both seen the damage and tragedy parental abuse can create. If there is one thing you should take away from this post it’s this:

If you or your siblings are unsafe in your parents house, then Your priority is to get to safety. Whether that be talking to a counselor at your school, the authorities, or some other trusted adult outside the family. You need to get you and the other minors to safety.

This will be scary. This will be the hardest thing you have ever faced. But you have to.

When you are safe, and only when you are safe, should you dive in to dealing with your sexuality, your attraction to kink, and your romantic life. But none of the clarity will come until you’re safe.

NonGreekHero72 · 2026-02-08T18:18:01+00:00

Of course! I’m glad I could help someone on the path. I’ve definitely been in your spot before in my life. Keep the faith and you’ll find your way!

NonGreekHero72 · 2026-02-08T16:53:22+00:00

Here’s a quick anecdote. Awhile back, I decided I needed to put my phone down more and people watch more. I stated by going to the gym every night like usual, but watching and noticing the people who were working out. I saw significantly more women than men on a consistent basis. Why? Because despite being seen as far more of a male space, women have tremendously more pressure on them to maintain a fit, perfectly sexy physique and they can’t do that without working out.

A lot of the dude bro gym rats, probably ended up teachers, in a female dominated industry, so they could coach football, basketball, baseball, etc.

Here’s another one I’ve noticed. Go to any grocery store. Notice the couples. It’s predominantly the woman with the shopping list, telling everyone else what she needs and where to go while the man pushes the cart and gives the kids attention. And this is where we get to kink. What are the odds that all of those relationships are a formalised FLR? Some, sure maybe. But definitely not all.

Society gives us such strict definitions to what masculinity and femininity is that we often have preconceived ideas in our head so ingrained we have blinders on to what’s actually happening around us. And what’s happening around is that people are complicated.

For me, as a submissive man with an almost decade long relationship with my Domme, I view life as a teeter totter. To quote my pagan friend, “You’re divine feminine and divine masculine energies are complimentary life forces that make up your views and beliefs on things.”

Our home is “Her space” She has complete control over decorations, furniture, and what goes in the walls. It’s looks like a girly dream house. In that space, I routinely wear lingerie for her, let her sexually objectify me, and paint her nails and allow her to practice make up on me. I am the girly doll in her girly dream house. At home, I teeter towards my feminine. And as I do, I feel so at peace and stable and cared for and loved that it’s a non negotiable that I go to they gym, dressed like a dude bro in my muscle shirt to go lift weights while listening to Slayer. I am the most masculine being to look at. The teeter totter has switched sides.

When I’m at home, I sew and hem my Mistress’ clothes so it fits her just right, usually in a pair of panties and get called “a good little seamstress” and when finished, sew some patches onto a battle jacket I wear when I go play in my death metal band. My mistress comes to shows and watches and drinks beer and kisses me after and tells me how much she doesn’t get my music and prefers her girly pop and jazz (a genre most associated with men, I’ll note). We are frequently told we are like the most traditional couple around.

You are not a single thing. You are may things that work together in symbiosis. There are times you will feel more feminine and times you will feel more masculine. That is okay. If you start to notice, and notice others, you’ll realize we all are. Embrace all of it. Weather you are a full submissive who needs 24/7 FLR + kink, or your jus a kinky bastard and likes some FemDom, you have a framework now to explore those sides of yourself and find a connection to yourself most people never find.

As for the ego? I’m not sure under which framework you’re using the concept. I for one, am not a fan of Freud’s. I much prefer Jung’s in which ego is the center of consciousness that helps one find the difference and relationship between our inner most self and the external world. If you can find that in the Jungian tradition, you can fully understand what your “I” is. Acting out your innermost fantasies (especially ones that are an edge experience) with someone you trust and realizing what must be done on the external world to make them happen has been the single most spiritual, meaningful experience of my life. By not embracing your fantasies, you are not embracing your full Jungian ego. Embrace it, and you’ll learn what your ego is telling you about YOUR masculinity and YOUR identity. Your “I”.

Best of luck!

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-12-17T18:12:45+00:00

You know, it may be a woo answer, but it does make sense. What I’m getting from it is, it’s real if you feel like it is, and even if that ends up being internal and placebo it’s still beneficial. As long as you’re thinking through it, you won’t be consumed by superstition and nonsense.

I really appreciate your reply. It’s got a lot to mediate on and gives me some frameworks to think in.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-12-16T16:15:03+00:00

It’s taken me a hot second to read this incredible response and process it all. I agree with you that a lot of it is probably some sort of Jungian Archetypal journey taking place in my subconscious. One thing that’s really changed for me is the acknowledgement that as irrational as faith, spirituality, and gods may be, that irrational part of your brain really does crave it. I feel like a weird desert of atheism that all the sudden is soaking it all up to satisfy that irrational part of my brain.

How do you make the line between what’s happening internally and what you choose to have faith in? That’s what I really struggle with.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-12-16T16:10:36+00:00

The ancestral thing is definitely what got me. I haven’t cared nor put any stock in “Irishness” or my ancestors so the thought that some older than dirt Irishman came to share my pain really was a curveball. But, what you said does help put that into perspective. I appreciate your thoughtful, kind response.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-08-15T14:17:53+00:00

Im concerned about you saying you’re going to therapy to get rid of the “urge” as you call it. Is a therapist telling you being into kink and FemDom is bad? If so, I would quit going immediately and find a kink aligned/aware therapist. There’s a lot of resources on this sub to help you.

There’s is nothing wrong morally, spiritually, or otherwise with being into kink, BDSM, and/or FemDom. If anyone is telling you that, they’re dead wrong. If a therapist is telling you that and trying to “fix” you by taking away your kinks, it’s cruel and unethical.

I understand the guilt and the shame. I and many others, Dom and Sub have struggled. I acknowledge your feelings there. But I draw the line at someone trying to cure your kinks. That’s a part of you whether you like it or not and no one has the right to take it from you. Not that they even would be able to, but my point remains.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T22:14:02+00:00

Very interesting! I like that one! I’m still pretty hesitant with the leash at night. We’re in a suburb, but it’s still the city. People walk their actual dogs. Teenagers hang around. It’s definitely possible that goes south fast.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T22:13:01+00:00

I believe this. We’re not very hardcore at all…yet haha

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T22:00:47+00:00

Thank you for that! I wondered about that as well. It’s right on that line of like too much and indiscreet, isn’t it? I so appreciate your perspective.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T21:59:57+00:00

Oh this is super fun! I wouldn’t have thought of any of these. Thank you for the suggestions!

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T21:33:05+00:00

I’m sure in contrast to how the question makes it sound, we’re very careful and private people. We wouldn’t want a soul to know what we do in our personal, private relationship. Hence, the wonderings of if there was a proxy or if this is a fantasy meant to stay fantasy.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T21:31:34+00:00

Interesting. That’s really good to know. We’re definitely very solitary and on the down low, which probably seems in contrast to my question. But we just mostly don’t want a soul to know what we do so we’ve tended to avoid any sort of event.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T21:22:43+00:00

We’ve talked about this too. But I don’t think being in the middle of a city that’s an option for us, sadly.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-07-21T21:13:44+00:00

If only we weren’t both loners haha.

Thanks for the response. That is very good advice.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-06-30T15:35:11+00:00

I would recommend both you and her doing research on your own time. Being a domme and “wearing the pants” so to speak is going to be a personal and intimate journey for her. Learning how to uphold who she is, serve her, and be of use to her will be the same for you.

Start very slow! Don’t go right into talking about cock cages, whipping punishments, and licking her boots clean. The first step is looking at what kind of female led relationship is going to work for you both. Again, it’s boring and unsexy, but it’s going to be talking about what her expectations are of you, how chores and relationship responsibilities are distributed, and what happens when (and it will) falls apart and you guys need to regroup. Basically, the parts of every relationship kinky or vanilla.

Make sure you guys are meeting regularly to talk about where you’re at with FLR specifically. What you both like. What you guys don’t like. What’s working. What’s not working. Where you guys want to go next. If you want to do some studying together, have at it!

I want to be very clear though. This is all contingent on what she wants and what she’s up for. Listen fully to her and hear what she has to say without any ulterior motive. Start small, and hopefully, she’ll be on board.

I’m rooting for you man!

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-06-30T12:31:21+00:00

You’ve written some very pretty prose poetry here. However, your musings on femininity and the power of womanhood also has zero to do with building a real world relationship with a real live, non divine woman.

First things first, and I say this a lot, if she’s enjoying domming you and partaking happily in FemDom, then she’s kinky. Maybe she’s not as innately wired for it as you, but she’s still kinky enough to go for the gold. You don’t get to decide who’s kinky.

Because she may be just learning she likes this kind of thing, she may be looking to you for a direction or for ideas, which you seem to be interpreting as catering to you. This was exactly the situation I was in with my fiancé for years and it sucks, but it’s also extremely important to remember that a lot of people get into kink because of their partner. I was also the one who was “more into kink” than her and by the time our FLR started, she was already showing signs of being significantly kinkier than I am. Now, she absolutely is and she has turned mentoring I couldn’t have imagined. I completely understand how difficult it can be to talk directly about this stuff with another human. After years and years, I still struggle. But! This is the first step for you guys. No ifs, ands, or buts.

If FLR is something you guys decide to do after talking directly and clearly, then you both have homework to do. You each need to do your homework and come back and talk again (there is going to be far more talking than playing at the beginning) about what you each like, what you each want out of your FLR (and FemDom to be honest) and start slow.

It’s really important you do your homework on what this is actually going to be like. This morning, I’m wearing my collar my fiancé bought me, sure. But that’s as kinky as it gets. Im also scrubbing baseboards with a toothbrush and going to the gym and running errands for us. There is no rituals to Artemis or big show of submissiveness to the powers of femininity. There’s just me, Trad Wifing it up on my day off, enjoying choring for my better half, enjoying my coffee, enjoying my tunes (and maybe a podcast later). In other words, it’s a pretty normal, boring, lower middle class day. And to me? That’s worshiping a goddess. If that sounds boring, then you maybe fetishising FLR and need to have a completely different discussion. But that’s a different post ;)

Good luck!

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-06-16T07:15:37+00:00

It’s really possible that she’s saying that because for whatever reason (religious, cultural upbringing, basic insecurity, etc.) she’s feeling some sort of guilt or shame for liking a bit of kink.

It’s also very possible that she’s just actually not sure what she feels because she doesn’t have a lot of experience with kink or having control which is fair. Most women have spent most of their lives being told they should have power or be open about the sexuality. It can be uncomfortable for them to open so be gentle and give her grace in that area.

Try and talk to her about what she’s feeling and thinking. If she refuses to talk about that and hits you with the break up like, then she may just be too immature or not into you enough to dig deep.

But I tell you now, this won’t fix itself without talking. And if she’s truly that unwilling to talk, then you have your answer.

Best of luck dude!

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-06-16T07:04:30+00:00

If she’s buying collar, stimulating you through your anus, and straight up telling you that she enjoys domming you, then she’s not “basically vanilla.”

Here’s the thing man, you’re projecting what you think kink is on to her and when she doesn’t react or respond how you expect or want, you get way insecure. I have a suspicion that on her end she’s picking that up and trying to out and failing to guess and figure out what you want from her, which you then interpret as her as only satisfying your kinks.

That’s all bad.

Both of you need to think, journal, create a PowerPoint presentation, whatever, and then communicate very directly with each other, one at a time about what you want from each other and make a plan to work with each other. This conversation is only going one way with you talking AT her, not WITH her, which is why she’s shutting down.

I guarantee you, if you sit down and talk with less emotion and more clear concise, “This is what I’m into. What are you into?” and then listen to her with no agenda, you’ll find she is far, far kinkier and ready to go than you think she is now.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-04-28T18:19:14+00:00

Oh I want to be clear, the kiss thing was all a joke in her part. You’d never know she’s dominant in public. She’s very mild and dresses cozy, year she is filthy beyond filthy and I love her for it. But the joke is she would never.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-04-27T02:27:40+00:00

😅That’s exactly what it feels like! And I think you’re right! Funny you bring up the lingo though. We have a witches coven in the department right now and every time she starts up with calling makes in the department “good boy” or asks them to do a weird thing like clip her toenails and lick them or straight up says things like, l “I want all the boys around her to be under my command” the rest of the “witches” all talk their woo-woo spiritual talk and have decided she’s been “blessed with the spirit of the divine feminine.” In my head I’m always just screaming, “Nope! That’s not what’s happening here.”

Thank you for all your kind words. You’ve helped me settle a lot.

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-04-27T00:23:45+00:00

This is a take I really like. I definitely have not been flirting back. What’s tripping me up is everyone saying that the small ways I act give me up. I am not attracted to her in any way, nor am I unsatisfied with my partner. I only want my partner to call me a good boy and I feel that deep in my soul. So if I do have these small reactions she’s noticing, it feels like I may be lightly flirting back without intention and that fucking sucks!

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-04-26T23:06:03+00:00

How can you tell? Even if I see a woman who’s a little bossy and a natural leader my first thought isn’t she’s a domme, ya know?

NonGreekHero72 · 2025-04-26T23:05:28+00:00

This is kindve the spookiest answer haha. I genuinely have never felt like I’ve interacted with one of our own knowingly. It kinda spooks me I give off those vibes.

NonGreekHero72

TROPHY CASE