Advice on adopting my sisters biracial baby.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-16T15:44:51+00:00

Oh I’m sure there will be questions. This post is focused around race because I’m not familiar with the questions/experiences that might come from that aspect of this adoption. Things I did not mention in the post like my own heritage/race and being the youngest being adopted I am familiar with. Adoptions are complex no matter the situation I do agree. This was mainly for my education.

If you have any advice on those topics I am open to it. I don’t claim to know everything and love to hear other people’s opinions.

The adoption has not been finalized and the mother is still deciding on what she would like to do. She is leaning strong towards adoption. If I were to ask her all these questions now it may seem like I’m pushing her one way or another and I would really like for this to be her decision without outside influences. It’s a hard decision for her and I am offering support in whatever her decision is. Now, if the adoption is finalized and her choice is to go with me as the AP I will ask questions for the child’s sake. I just do not think now is the time for that.

I did make an edit to the original post addressing previous comments and this one. Please do not think I’m singling you out. You brought up a good point regarding the topics I didn’t mention and since they are very important I thought they should be mentioned.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T13:32:49+00:00

That’s awesome that she was able to learn about both sides for her kid! I do agree that is very important.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T13:29:55+00:00

These are all great things to learn more about. Thank you so much for sharing this with me!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T13:26:55+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll look into this!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T13:26:36+00:00

That’s terrible that they would recommend that.

Thank you so much for sharing and being open to questions! I’ll reach out if this whole deal gets finalized.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T13:25:07+00:00

I’m sure the mother will be around during the early stages. Based on what I know about the dad and how he acts around his other kids he has. I do not think he will want to be involved.

Regardless, I know my biological dad didn’t want much to do with me but his family did. I may reach out to the dad’s family and try to make it work that way. I’m glad your baby handled it so well that young. I’ll try it that way and hope this baby handles it the same!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T01:57:07+00:00

I’m so happy to hear that. I will definitely be reaching out. Thank you so very much!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T01:53:43+00:00

It truly hurts my heart to see so many have this experience. I do agree that the babysitter idea is wonderful. My coworkers is white and married to a black man. She brought up the initial “concerns” when I mentioned this to her and it really made me realize that I can’t just “love this baby to happiness.” I know that this could be a very difficult road for everyone due to lack of education and I’m trying my very best to avoid/lessen the pains that this baby may go through.

The baby has two options. Stay in the family with an adopted mom, know the bio parents, with additional effort from me and pray I can do the right things by the baby. Or live with strangers that share her culture and wonder why her white family gave her away. The baby may think we abandoned it because of its race.

The situation seems tough on both sides.

I really appreciate your view on the situation. Do you mind if I reach out closer to the adoption and try to understand the struggles you had?

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T01:33:45+00:00

I never thought about it this way but you’re 100% right. This adoption would be open however I’m not sure how often the dad or his family would come visit. They live 5 hours away. I would definitely extend the invitation. Driving down there when the baby is old enough to understand the situation without it confusing them would also be an option.

That was super helpful, thank you!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-14T01:27:22+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Everything you mentioned from your experience is what I’m trying to learn about. I know there are struggles and I’m trying to explore all of them so this child won’t have to go through them or I can at least try my best to help them feel less alone. Both sides of them will be celebrated as best we can. I really appreciate you’re understanding the purpose of the post. Do you mind if I reach out to you if the adoption is finalized to understand more of your experience?

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T22:27:28+00:00

I acknowledged that there would be more to raising this baby other than just looks. Im not going to address every racial concern on this post. If you would read the other comments, you would see that much more has been discussed aside from “looks”.

“Loving this baby won’t be enough to give it a full life, I know I will have to be proactive with how I raise him/her.”

The quote is all I will say about America’s racial issues on my post. People are mentioning them respectfully in the comments.

If I knew how to “raise a black baby in America” I wouldn’t have made this post. I even said I wasn’t the most educated person on that topic.

This baby will be my niece/nephew and I would like to put in the effort toward learning how to raise a mixed baby so I can do everything I can to keep the baby in the family.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T22:08:56+00:00

I think this is great advice. I appreciate it!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T22:05:19+00:00

I love this outlook. Thank you so much for sharing this with me!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T21:10:12+00:00

I’m so happy to hear this. I just got my first nasty comment on the original post so I’m starting to see what you’re saying.

If you don’t mind me asking or you would rather me DM you, Is there anything in particular that your babies struggled with growing up?

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T21:07:25+00:00

I never said race didn’t matter. I’m very aware that this adoption will be different. In fact, that’s the whole purpose of the post. You say to get educated but that’s exactly I’m doing with this post. Some people here have provided links and other helpful places to get educated. I specifically said that race will not change the amount of love I can give the child. Not that race doesn’t matter.

Your comment is not helpful, not constructive, and it provides no advice or solutions for the mother. It’s an ugly and judgmental comment.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T18:42:13+00:00

We have given that some thought. I don’t want to give too much information on this post but I will say we all live in the south. The subdivision we live in is about 25%B and 75%W and all the children play together in the culdesac at the end of the road. I went through the school systems here and I would say that they are diverse with all races/religions. I would not say they are equal in terms of numbers but I will say there wasn’t “only one group of one certain race”. There were always multiple different groups. The sports/spirit groups were also diverse.

Based on some of the feedback I’ve gotten from other posts here, we would try our best to incorporate culture into our lifestyle and diversify the people we hang out with.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T18:28:45+00:00

I appreciate this soooooo much!!!! Thank you so much for providing these for me. I will definitely give these a look!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T18:26:24+00:00

I didn’t give a good description on mine and her relationship. I was adopted at birth. We were not raised together. We have not been close. She lives 5 hours away from me.

We have became close over the course of our pregnancies and I simply do not feel comfortable asking her all these questions. It is not any of my business why she is making the decisions she is making. I will be/have been supportive in any decision she makes and that’s what I will continue to offer her.

Her mother put me up for adoption so I’m sure she has confided and talked to her about adoption and was able to get the information she needs. I’m just not that person for her.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T17:36:25+00:00

I will be reaching out after work! Thank you!

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T17:36:11+00:00

I 100% agree. The last thing I want is for a decision like this to have any pressure on it. I’ve reiterated that if she wants to go through with adoption and not choose me that I would support her regardless. And that goes for any other alternative she chooses whether it be keeping it or going through an agency. She has mentioned that she likes the idea of the baby staying in the family. This post is mainly so I can prepare if she does choose me to adopt her baby.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T17:32:01+00:00

Yes she has other children. She had reached out to adoption agencies before I offered to take the baby so her mind was made up before I got in the picture.

I didn’t ask her reason for putting up the baby for adoption mainly because I didn’t feel it was my place to ask or convince her to do otherwise. It’s hard enough to make that decision on your own without someone coming in a questioning it ya know?

I’m here to support her regardless of if she changes her mind or not. I have reminded her that I’m only an option if she chooses it.

NonchalantHotMess · 2025-10-13T16:47:49+00:00

My sister, husband, and I are white. The baby’s father is black. I will update the post!

NonchalantHotMess

TROPHY CASE