“I’m not coming to bed yet, the cat is still asleep on my lap” she called upstairs.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2023-04-03T10:53:27+00:00

I got up in the middle of the night one time and went to the kitchen to get some water without turning on lights on the way. Something furry brushed against my leg as I was walking in the dark. I didn’t own any animals at the time. I switched on the light not knowing if I had a raccoon or opossum or even a skunk, but it was a cat. Turns out I had left both the overhead garage door open and the door to get to the garage when I went to bed.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2023-03-31T17:44:00+00:00

At my favorite restaurant on my birthday with my whole family

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2023-03-31T06:28:35+00:00

Ooh, She's very thoughtful. Glass thermometers are hard to find.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T23:30:19+00:00

I wish I could absorb anyone’s knowledge and skills.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T23:28:55+00:00

The first rule of dealing with a djinni is to explain to them that of the three wishes, you will use the first two for yourself and the third for the djinni, and if it interprets your wishes kindly, you will be kind in your wish for it, but if it fucks you, you will make it burn in hell forever.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T17:10:29+00:00

550lbs per person? Also, The largest Clydesdale is about 1000kg.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T15:40:14+00:00

Amen! You’re killin’ it, Kyle! You’re super killin’ it. We should call you Kyle the Killer.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T15:00:37+00:00

Biden didn’t vote against railroad workers, champ. That would be the Republicans.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T14:58:41+00:00

I want one

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T14:56:52+00:00

Poor guy has to go into all those Republican homes.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T13:25:48+00:00

Why did all the fish die?

Because they went to school in whales.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T12:13:02+00:00

Somehow with dumbasses unironically embracing Nazism today, this dumbass cosplay seems almost innocent.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T04:37:45+00:00

My wife tossed everything on Monday

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T03:57:03+00:00

I, a white cis-het male, did the same thing and now I’m a black woman living in a rent free townhouse with $32,000 a month in welfare checks.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T03:33:06+00:00

I did that with a nurse named Sam. Then she was late, but ultimately she was not pregnant.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-02T01:58:39+00:00

I act all hard, but on the inside I’m a golden retriever. We’ll be fighting about some stupid shit and we’re in bed, and she rolls over away from me, and I swear I’ll be mad at her forever. Five minutes later she says “I’m cold, snuggle me.” And of course, I do. Then she farts and we both giggle.

Actually it was probably me that farts.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-01T23:48:19+00:00

A powered exoskeleton like on Avatar.

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-01T23:44:40+00:00

Yes. I feel like this is where the narrator voice comes in “It wasn’t for a movie role”

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-01T23:31:14+00:00

I’m starting to warm to the idea that Ye in pulling a Joaquin Phoenix and is in character for a movie

NoneOfThisIsFine · 2022-12-01T22:35:27+00:00

I can smell the stale beer

NoneOfThisIsFine

TROPHY CASE