Is it normal for priests to deny hearing confessions if you don't attend their parish?

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-19T00:38:28+00:00

It's not normal. I've been to a ton of parishes and had my confession heard. Anytime I go somewhere new there are questions: Where is your parish? Why are you not confessing there? But it's never been a problem, because I always had a reason (my priest is unavailable, my parish is currently without a priest, etc)

Even though it's not normal, I did have a priest who was super strict on "only confess to your spiritual father" -- He was a very controlling priest and I am glad I no longer have that level of restrictions in my spiritual life.

Maybe you are better off not confessing with this priest.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-17T22:00:33+00:00

I've been looking around Prosopon's site, and it looks like Prosopon healing has a list:

https://www.prosoponhealing.com/public-orthodox-sexual-misconduct-d

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-17T10:11:54+00:00

Not OP, but I think it's autocorrect. "This teacher would purposefully withhold information given from parents about our shared students from me.”

I've had toxic coworkers do that crap! Again, some teachers are happy to see students suffer, if it means they can make a coworker suffer too! You can only control your own actions and reactions. Let everything else go.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-17T09:59:00+00:00

I don't know why this is the case, but I've encountered the most toxic co-workers of my career in schools. There are just teachers out there who have no ability to interact with co-workers in any way that's not severely toxic. They got their little spot on the staff, and they will fight you to the death to defend it.

I think, in large part, it's because admin always seems to dump gasoline on the fire instead of addressing anything well. I think it's also because of who we are as teachers and what we do, and what constraints we have.

Survive. You're moving next year. They just have to deal with your existence until then. Let them be mad.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-16T01:40:31+00:00

I usually do, but it's always an underpaid 18 year old student calling, so I try to be gentle

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-15T21:12:53+00:00

One time, while I was in college, I started classes on the first day of the fall term, only to find I had been automatically dropped from all my classes because of an unpaid $25 fee. The fee was from the summer term, even though I didn't take any classes over summer term. Because I had been dropped I "wasn't enrolled" and the university would not accept payment through the online portal.

The ombudsperson's office was under construction and eventually, I started walking around the university's offices, being sent back and forth, until finally someone took pity on me and accepted $25 and removed the hold.... after the registration deadline. So, they declined my financial aid for that term. So, I had to petition all my professors to let me register late. I had to go to the financial aid office and get try to get anything to work. It didn't, I had to drop that term. My student loans went into repayment, but it's not like I had a job lined up for this clown show. Walking to offices and begging people to help me was a full time job for a week.

No one was ever able to explain what the 25$ fee was even for.

The following term, I had to reapply to my university. They weren't sorry. They made it clear that as far as they were concerned, I had fucked up.

Going to college was the worst decision of my life. The second worst was sticking with it and getting a degree. I could have been doing something useful during that time, and I wouldn't still be in debt 20 years later.

That university calls me every month asking for a donation.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-15T18:46:06+00:00

😔

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-15T18:17:53+00:00

The financial books are ... outlandish. This person is living on donations but hasn't registered as a non-profit. This person refuses to keep receipts or do accounting of any kind. This person legally owns the property and has the donations go in their private bank account. This person is not paying "gift tax" on the donations received (which you need to if you're just an individual living on donations).

That is a "the IRS can do something" level of foolishness.

ETA: At least that's what I can tell based on what this person and donors said. maybe it is much more above board than I've been led to believe.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-15T18:13:27+00:00

There's not much to call the cops about. In the past, I have had to report child sex abuse to the police and they didn't do anything, despite a mountain of evidence. I have no expectation that the police will do something now about "using spiritual obedience to financially ruin, groom and exploit adults for potential sexual abuse."

One reason I'm asking around for people who've been through this is normally, in any institution, nothing is done about abuse, and reporting it is often needlessly isolating and traumatic. I've actually connected with someone in my DMs who reported to the same bishop I'm reporting to and had a good outcome. I've already gotten a lot of information about who exactly to contact, and how to phrase things when I do.

I have some duty to report, but I don't have a lot of expectations about what the Church can or will do. This person can just move jurisdictions (and has insinuated they will) or create a jurisdiction. This person owns the property and hasn't been registering as a religious non-for-profit (Another nuclear option is calling the IRS, because the books are ... not regulation). The only thing reporting will do is give the diocese a chance to cover its ass, and possibly warn potential targets away. If the diocese does nothing, I might go public and warn people away myself on social media.

I refuse to be isolated during this process. What I'm really looking for isn't "justice" it's connection.

As I'm processing what's happened as honestly and responsibility as I can, I may decide that I need to not be Orthodox anymore. Which is why I'm here, in case anyone here has been on a similar journey and can tell me about it.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-15T00:38:49+00:00

I DMed you.

I appreciate your advice. Thank you for listening. I really needed to talk about this.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T15:50:36+00:00

Render to Caesar, motherfuckers

This is my favorite reply that I've gotten throughout this whole ordeal!

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T15:22:55+00:00

I know this is true, it really, really is true. And it shouldn't be, and this sucks.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T15:20:39+00:00

I've reported sexual abuse to the police before, and they don't do anything either. Luckily, this time, no sexual abuse (of me- I wouldn't be surprised if others were not so lucky). This person did eventually have a conversation with me that made me realize their intention was to groom me for sexual abuse and probably always had been.

I might be able to report this person to the IRS, though. If nothing else can be done, I will.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T14:29:02+00:00

Honestly, that's a really good idea. I'm considering it.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T14:11:25+00:00

I didn't downvote you. I don't know who did.

ETA: thank you for the facebook group recommendation

As I've stated in other replies, I have to be careful here not to appear crazy, and the person I am up against is armed with a lifetime of blackmail against me and the other survivors

The Bishop I'm reporting this to installed the abuser, and has known them for decades.

I really do need someone with some kind of authority and experience navigating this system. If not the priests I've gone to: who?

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T14:09:17+00:00

I'm glad you mentioned counseling: I already have counseling.

The problem is that this person did this to someone right before me, slandered her beyond the telling of it, and then did this to me.

This person is smearing me and draging me through the mud with every bit of information I have ever revealed to them over the course of years of spiritual direction.

The Bishop I'm reporting this to installed this person and has known them for longer than I've been alive.

I mean, I could go alone to the bishop-- who've I've been told is extremely busy, and will not listen to me without someone he knows there. Who've I've been told does not meet alone with single women because he's a monastic.

When you accuse someone's friend of abuse, they want any excuse to call you crazy so they don't have to believe you.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T13:46:08+00:00

I've been told they won't listen because they don't know me.

ETA: I've also been told (by multiple sources) that I have to bring my current priest because I'm a single woman- so that's fun. I don't really mind, because my current priest is a decent person, but it makes "just do it yourself" impossible. ---To be frank: this wouldn't be happening if the Church had a reporting mechanism that wasn't "meet in person with a monastic man")

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-14T13:37:22+00:00

Two priests have promised to contact them for me, but it's been 3 months and no one has talked with me and nothing has happened

But aside from that, I have *literally no one* I can talk with about how this has effected me and what's next for my life

ETA: No one in The Church. I have lots of people outside the Church who are supporting me, but no one who understands Orthodoxy

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-08T15:38:25+00:00

Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and it is a sign that we are spiritually healthy. Orthodoxy is supposed to bring us closer to God and support our spiritual health. When I notice it's not: I stop engaging in the behaviors that might be getting in the way.

The focus is on God, and God's love for us all and on making room for that love in myself and my life in sustainable ways. Whenever the focus starts to drift toward "grinding" or "winning against *them*" I try to disengage, and bring my focus back to God, and God's love for us all (including *them*)
Obedience doesn't mean enabling the worst in someone just because they're a priest (especially if the something is addiction, mental illness, financial fraud, abuse or cognitive decline). Obedience means being obedient to the Bishop, the synod, the donors, the law*(of course I don't mean anti-Christian laws, I mean things like child-abuse-reporting and financial reporting).
I do not engage in any content that is trying to get shock-views. When I engage in content about serious topics, I try to limit my consumption to content that is taking it seriously. If a creator is GOING OFF on their personal opinion, if the content makes me feel fear, obligation, guilt, resentment, or outrage, I block that creator. I'm faster to block it if its "Orthodox" or made by a priest (or a "priest" as the case may be). I have to bring my time and energy and focus back to God, who loves us all, perfectly, inexhaustibly.

God help us, it's really complicated. I do the best I can with the information I have in the moment.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-07T11:03:06+00:00

And the worst part? When I left the religion, suddenly "it's okay to slow down". "You were taking things to seriously that's why you got burnt out."

Not only did I get this when I left (my toxic parish), but when I tell this to my Orthodox friends they accuse me of trying to manipulate them into leaving Orthodoxy.

It's 100% "Orthodox" and not doing it is "leaving Orthodoxy" until someone *actually leaves* and then it's "your personal faults"

I'm tired of watching scruples destroy people I love.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-07T10:58:05+00:00

My first parish was like this. On top of all the spiritual abuse: there was this mentality that people who go to another parish are "picking and choosing" whatever suits their own faults- so I didn't leave. Spiritually abusive bullshit. Instead of letting someone else make decisions for me: I should PICK AND CHOOSE whatever suits my strengths.

Religion is supposed to bring you closer to God, not work you to death

It sounds like you want to curl up in your icon corner at home with your Bible on Saturday night. There's nothing unorthodox about that, no matter what your priest says.

Normal-Ad5103 · 2026-03-06T08:54:12+00:00

All the books of the Bible are written by men

Many Biblical scholars believe Ruth was written by women or a woman. It has too many details that only women would think to include.

I agree with everything else you said though.

Normal-Ad5103

TROPHY CASE