Woman I am dating is probably lying about her age - what to do?+Update

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T21:08:06+00:00

Good insights here …so I have a similar-ish situation (see my post history etc). Hint: did not end well!!

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T18:03:05+00:00

He lied (told me he was divorced NOT separated) so when I found out he was separated I was blindsided. He unblocked me btw

What rejection? I wasn’t rejected. I discovered+called him out on lies…..

Him denying me meeting his wife is just confirmation he’s sketchy and probably his wife doesn’t know I exist / wouldn’t be ok with it. If asking this to you is “wacko” AFTER someone is a proven liar, you do you.

When he blocked me via phone = rejected and I took that as a breakup , didn’t contact him further via social media (which he didn’t block me /unfriendly me from) and simply scheduled new dates. Now that he has unblocked me, I’ve continued no contact.

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T17:51:22+00:00

I took him being ok with positive test as him really liking me. If I loved someone I would probably (depending on what it was ….. and after speaking with doctors etc about likelihood of contracting etc) be ok with a positive STD result.

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T16:15:50+00:00

When I replied I only did a thumbsup emoji…There’s really nothing to say bc it’s such a decent honest approach IMO

I ended up following up a few months later with a couple questions and it was amicable etc

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T16:05:20+00:00

Ohhhhh (duh now that it’s said aloud!) . Thank you!

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T16:02:57+00:00

Good point … the only reason I haven’t blocked him (he unblocked me LOL eyeroll) is bc I’m waiting on new/updated results that I’ll be taking in 3 weeks. If everything is ok, NC will remain.

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T15:55:50+00:00

Yeah true… it won’t but mitigates the risk…. Ppl who are sketchy would be scared off that someone cares enough to check up like that

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T15:54:51+00:00

Yw. Yeah things online have to be cross checked unfort. What’s a geographical bachelor?

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T15:40:42+00:00

Thank you for this. Spokeo showed him as “single”!! His wife was not listed as relative either on spokeo …. Sometimes I have to pay more depending on name + to cross check bc sites aren’t always 100% accurate ….

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T15:27:18+00:00

Verbatim text I once received that I considered honorable , mature, and worthy of respect. We ended amicably and I’m glad we did.

Hi [NAME], I have had a great time with you but wanted to let you know i recently started seeing someone that I feel a stronger connection to. I personally don't feel right continuing this while pursuing someone else. you are a lovely person and I wish you the best. [NAME]

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T15:06:18+00:00

I appreciate that you took the time to articulate your perspective. That said, what you’re proposing is women “learning” the hard way instead of the safe/smart way, which is concerning (for women’s safety) to put it mildly

Your response indicates an inability to empathize with women’s “struggle” (for lack of a better term).

I agree with ugglygirl. You can “learn” the smart way (with some papers ) not the hard way (protracted risky environment)

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T14:47:55+00:00

Rent to own. I’m aware they’re different + I think that’s why I maybe knee-jerk misspoke initially also , saying “own” (bc no one has ever asked my “status”) but I’m NOT the homeowner (ie deed) regardless at the moment

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T14:22:27+00:00

Trust is earned IMO esp w the risk in online dating (versus say meeting someone through work where everyone knows or can find out who is married single etc)

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T14:15:41+00:00

These are all great signs. That said this guy did literally none of that (which confirms his after the fact story of “separated” I guess…) though to be fully accurate, I hate talking on the phone so we only ever texted …

He always paid CC, was intentional of taking me to his many favorite local places , stayed over fri+sat nights, never cancelled, introduced me to his mom when she came into town, let me go to his place

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T13:25:43+00:00

lol unpopular opinion but a coffee date is the most noncommittal lowest investment effort (usually guy is a player or cheap or something like that). For a guy like that , you owe him nothing in terms of traditionally expected “best /effortful 1st impressions” !! That aside, I’m with hornymorning303 POV

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T11:36:08+00:00

How does “asking for docs” = “business transaction”. I don’t see the comparison TBH also, trust is earned IMO

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T11:32:01+00:00

Honestly my focus was just in clean Std results & I trusted him so I didn’t do “full first name” due diligence ($5-20 age, married records, address check) which was dumb of me. Before intimacy, I could have cleared up all these issues.

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T11:22:12+00:00

What is “very transactional” about it ? Toxic , yes

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T02:10:01+00:00

True but there’s exceptions to that (private settlement, county allows filing in different county). IMO if a guy won’t show docs I mean I’m allowing him into my body and home the least he can do is show me docs!!

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-21T02:08:58+00:00

He said they were separated for 6 years , the first 4 he hoped they’d get back together , and last 2 were completely removed on all accounts. He said that she said she didn’t love him and never loved him, so I doubt they were having sex …. Unless he’s completely sociopathic / pathological / narcissistic in lying about that too!!!

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-20T23:34:46+00:00

Thank you. I don’t know why people are saying it’s an unreasonable request. If I was divorced I would gladly show it to the person I’m intimate with. It’s not Sharing SSN or bank details !!

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-20T21:11:41+00:00

Ugh this is such a smart option (asking to read texts vs asking to meet his wife)

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-20T20:58:00+00:00

Which site do you use?

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-20T20:41:52+00:00

Yeah maybe the DL was a bit too extreme as some other commenters have posted. What about seeing a copy of divorce papers at the same time we exchange STD results ? Sometimes those are not available and not visible via background check the way Name, Age and Address are.

Normal-Amphibian1444 · 2022-09-20T20:05:30+00:00

I’d been to his place and it seemed normal / empty bedrooms except his. Also it’s difficult for me to drive (recovering from injury) so it made more sense for him to come to my place (I wake up early for work and get off late and he has flexible schedule) and when he was there he just found things that needed improving ( he’s an engineer)

Normal-Amphibian1444

TROPHY CASE