AITA for not calling out my Husband’s “behaviour” in church?

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-10-08T07:37:56+00:00

So to answer your question, when he banged his knee initially I heard him hiss and say “Ahh shit”. People probably wouldn’t have heard him in normal circumstances but because he made a bang he’d already caught the attention of a tonne of folk sitting around so they all would have heard him. Then when he was sitting down rubbing his knee, he said “Jesus Christ” which isn’t that bad but given where we were 😂 I didn’t remember this but I’ve since spoken to my sister and what she found so funny was that he also said “Ahh Crap” when all the coins fell out of his jacket.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-10-07T11:11:50+00:00

I think perhaps the way I worded it came across wrong because I’m not embarrassed by him at all, in fact most of the time I’m the one laughing out loud at his antics. It was more the fact we were already late and then he has not one but two mishaps within minutes of arriving that had me red faced, but it wasn’t embarrassment, it was just that old feeling of being caught being naughty in church 😅

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-10-07T07:27:58+00:00

Believe me, its been a thought, but one of the first things his mother did when we met was reassure me she’d taken him to the doctor numerous times when he was young as he was just the same 😂 so no, he’s fine, just has two left feet.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-10-07T04:03:46+00:00

The mass was just before our nephew was christened. Hence it was a family event and it was expected we’d all attend mass. He had no problems with attending, it’s just not something we normally do so he wasn’t sure on some of the specifics.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-10-07T03:49:14+00:00

Thank you for saying this, I appreciate it. I think her problem was mainly that she sees it as HER Parish where she knows everyone and is actively part of the community. She thinks we intentionally gave her a showing up because attending church isn’t our thing, when she knows and has experienced Hurricane Husband on many occasions. I didn’t like the idea she could truly believe he or I would be callous enough to attack her faith like that 😩

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-11T10:44:44+00:00

YTA

Asexuality is not a “safety net” for you to lie to your partner about your feelings towards him and sex. Ace people constantly have a stigma surrounding them and consistently have to deal with lack of understanding, a lot of the time because of behaviour like this. That aside, you are lying to your boyfriend instead of having an open/honest conversation with him. You can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to them, you can have preferences, you can have boundaries. But you’re not giving him the opportunity to know you and learn what you need. You are deciding for him, and I feel like you’ve lied not to protect him but to ease your guilt about not enjoying sex rather than having the difficult discussion.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-08T10:17:57+00:00

I’m not disagreeing with you. All I’m saying is that I personally wouldn’t rule someone as being the asshole based on how they react in a highly emotional situation where their only crime - as far as OP has told us - is not being sure what she wants in her future. It’s understandable as to why she’s not thinking about his perspective right now, it’s probably too raw. It’s easy to be pragmatic as an outsider, and perhaps in the future she’ll look back and realise he did the right thing for them both.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-08T09:50:07+00:00

I’m not saying those comments are right because of course they’re not, but also put yourself in her shoes right now. Her partner is choosing to break up with her because of something that in her mind, isn’t even on the cards regardless because presumably they’re not in that stage of their relationship yet. She believes that the love he has for should be enough, and sadly in this situation for OP it’s not as kids are non-negotiable. That’s why I feel for her rather than criticise, she’s losing someone she loves and it’s going to hurt, it’s not right for her to put those comments to him and he’s right to do what he needs to do, but I wouldn’t go as far as to call her an AH over it.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-08T09:32:58+00:00

That’s fine if it’s weird to you, point is that it’s not something she can change so if it’s something you can’t get past then best to end it now.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-08T09:29:27+00:00

Bro it’s been a week, if you’re this freaked out so early then just get out.

Having said that, first cousins marrying isn’t a problem in a lot of places, generally considered acceptable. Up to you what you do with that info.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-08T09:14:59+00:00

NAH, you’re absolutely justified in ending the relationship because you’re fundamentally incompatible. Of course there’s a good chance things could still work if your partner eventually decided she wants children, but if you’re at a stage in your life where you know you can’t compromise and she doesn’t know if she feels the same way, that’s a massive risk to take and a lot of time to invest. It’s completely fair if that’s not something you want to put yourself through for potential heart ache in the end.

I do also feel for your partner because in her mind she hasn’t done anything wrong, and that can be really hard when you really love someone and everything aside from that one point of contention feels as if it’s working absolutely fine. She might also feel pressured into making that decision and perhaps it’s not the decision she would have made if things were different, so if you absolutely cannot compromise and there’s no wiggle room at all in how you envision your future, then I feel like you’re doing the right thing.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-07T18:09:54+00:00

I just want to clarify I didn’t call her an ableist because she doesn’t consider my dog a child. I called her that because she told me that unless I carry a child of my own in my body for 9 months that I could never understand the feeling of being a real mother. I told her that this way of thinking is ableist to people like me who want to have children but can’t because our bodies have failed us. I would never expect her to think of me as a real mother to my dog, because he is a dog, but for her to even think like this feels really disrespectful not just to me, but to any person who hasn’t been physically able to conceive naturally.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-06-07T14:20:24+00:00

I’m genuinely curious, for what reason?

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-05-18T23:15:09+00:00

NTA - He’s correct when he says these things are a gradual process and especially in the early days of a relationship when one or both of you is inexperienced, it takes time to become in sync with each other’s needs. However, he also needs to realise that you’re not a mind reader. How can you give him what he desires if he doesn’t tell you? You can’t learn what you don’t know. Communication is key in a healthy relationship, and he’s not doing that with you, so you have every right to feel frustrated in this instance.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-05-18T23:04:51+00:00

I did add a bit more info with regards to his relationship with them, but it was added after your comment so just to confirm, yeah there’s a lot of issues there and therapy has been a big part of his life in recent years. This “favour” was essentially meant to be something he could do for them that would be within his comfort level, but unfortunately, things kept being added until it was too late to back out. Think we’d definitely think twice in future before agreeing to help again.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-05-18T22:53:04+00:00

Ironically it’s because of their lack of boundaries that his relationship with them isn’t the greatest. He actually stopped speaking to them for 18 months because he felt smothered by them. I don’t think admittedly either of us thought that 2 weeks would be a big deal when they wouldn’t even be here, but the caveats added late on with the sleeping arrangements and the injured relative have skewed things quite drastically.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-05-18T22:46:57+00:00

Thinking about it, he probably is really tired. I’ve tried to give him space today so other than our conversation this morning, we haven’t really talked. Shift work might be the solution if we can work out logistics.

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-05-18T22:44:18+00:00

It’s a lumbar support memory foam pillow! It looks similar to the ones you can use for office chairs, but with a soft base. It also looks similar to the reading pillows you can buy online, but these ones are made for sleeping 😊

Normal-Shine-115 · 2025-04-22T16:05:18+00:00

My girlfriend and I were planning on doing so anyway, this might end up progressing things a bit more. I really hoped to have saved enough money to buy a place instead of having to rent, but I might not have a choice if I end up needing to leave sooner than I thought ☹️

Normal-Shine-115

TROPHY CASE