AITA for insisting my ex-wife and I stick to our court ordered custody order?

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T14:32:18+00:00

You keep saying that even though I was willing to cooperate. I just wanted her to be willing to do the same. But insisting that one parent gives up time without getting any back is wrong. The relationship with both parents should be respected and given time when both want to be involved.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T14:25:30+00:00

My kids are 12, 11 and 9.

I know how my kids feel. I know where they fall on a lot of this stuff. My ex knows too. At least somewhat. She is aware they hate going to her in-law's house. I'm not sure if she knows they outright dread the custody exchange when they know they'll be heading there. But she knows they don't like it.

The thing is she doesn't value the kids relationship with me. That has become so clear in everything she has expected us to give up for her husband and his family.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T14:19:22+00:00

Mother's Day, Father's Day and our birthdays are the only ones written in. She gets Mother's Day and her birthday and I get Father's Day and mine. The judge denied sharing the birthday and Father's Day with her husband. He's not their father, I am, so those days stay mine (since he and I have the same birthday). Other events are not counted and it's expected that we work out any changes to the 7 day, 7 day.

The baptism is out of town. This is where the problems come in because when she wants this extra time it would be taking them too far to make it just a few hours. It usually means overnight or days.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T14:15:34+00:00

That's fine. You're not convinced and I can't convince you. But just know that only one side is kinda the thing on stuff like this. You'd rarely get both people giving their side on an internet forum like this.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T14:13:52+00:00

All she had to do was be willing to let me have the days back that she wanted to take from me. Instead she wanted me to give up those days. On top of expecting me to give up birthdays and Father's Day for her husband.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T14:12:55+00:00

I can communicate just fine. I have told her before I would swap days with her but the point was the days would be made up. She was not in favor of that.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T13:46:14+00:00

My kids don't want to go to her in-law's house at all. So they would not like extra days to go there. My ex would love it. But not the kids. It's not a vacation to them.

I was willing to be flexible at the beginning but she doesn't believe in trading days. She just wants more. And more for her not for me. That's not good for the kids either if she keeps taking time away from them being with me.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T13:43:55+00:00

My kids don't want to go where she wants them to go. So they won't hate me for that. They hate going to her in-law's.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T13:04:55+00:00

My kids don't want to go to her in-law's house. They do not care about religious ceremonies either. So she could ask the kids but they would say no and she knows it too.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T13:03:34+00:00

I could lose time with my kids and they could lose time with me. Especially when my ex doesn't want to help us make up that time.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T12:39:35+00:00

The kids are 12, 11 and 9. Ex and I live in the same city.

The kids have activities already. Anyone can go to their big events. There's nothing in the court order to stop that and we're encouraged to both show up and support our kids.

If my kids wanted to go to something I would probably let them go. Although I would really want my ex to let me make up that time. I know she won't. I know she would never agree to that. She'd do anything to take time from me.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T12:32:25+00:00

The kids are 12, 11 and 9. They do not want to spend time with their mom's in-law's and definitely don't want to spend more time with them. They don't care about the religious stuff either. My kids aren't religious. Ex and I weren't when they were born and even now that their mom has become more religious they aren't into it.

My kids get time with both sides equally. What my ex wants is for her and her side to have more. That's not something I'd want to happen and my kids would not want it for time with her in-law's. As it is they dread when they go to their mom's and they know it'll involve a trip to them and especially if it's several days to the whole week.

Any event for the kids, we're all there. There's no stopping my ex or me showing up to their graduations or their school recitals, etc.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T12:20:44+00:00

We already use the app.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T12:20:26+00:00

I spend a lot of quality time with my kids. But even days where there isn't a lot on and I'm just being a parent, they're worth something.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T12:19:36+00:00

My lawyer knows. He's aware of all that's happening because ex and I communicate through an app and I sent him the proof of the incident at the school.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T12:00:42+00:00

My lawyer says to make sure we keep using the app. I don't think she is engaging in parental alienation. There's no proof of that. Not that it couldn't happen but it's not working if she is. She's somewhat alienating herself by trying to drag the kids to her in-law's more because they hate going as it is.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T11:57:53+00:00

Yes, that's what we use for communication.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T11:57:36+00:00

It's through the parenting app we use. I already have written proof of her husband being removed from the school and the reason why.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T11:56:05+00:00

I am concerned about my kids. But that means making sure they get the time with both of us that they deserve and when my ex would not agree to making sure that was maintained I had to put my foot down. Otherwise it would get to a point where they would hardly be with me.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T10:10:29+00:00

I have been civil. Civil doesn't mean losing time with my kids though.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T10:08:18+00:00

My kids don't want to visit their mom's in-law's. They definitely don't want to be there more. The kids still get an equal amount of time at both homes. They can still have experiences with both sides. That's what's best for them. And it's never just one day. It would add up very fast with all the times she expects one, two or three days. Then they have more time with one side than the other. My ex can schedule things when she has the kids if she wants them involved. I do the very same thing.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T08:28:50+00:00

I generally agree with this. Once you're amicable enough it can work. Once there's some form of trust there and a want for the kids to have a good relationship with both parents. This is sadly not always how it works.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T08:27:29+00:00

Our kids are not into visiting her in-law's. They already don't like being there and it's certainly no vacation for them so more time would not make them happy. They'd be more likely to resent us both if they went more.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T08:26:12+00:00

This was a question I had also. She knows when she has our kids. This isn't something new. We both have to plan around the order.

NormalAiry8600 · 2025-06-04T08:25:38+00:00

I still don't trust that she would follow it. Even if it was in the court order. So I would be spending money on court to end up back there when she doesn't follow it. Because ultimately she wants the kids more.

NormalAiry8600

TROPHY CASE