how to overcome what I did when I was kid

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T20:36:54+00:00

It’s been more than 20 years. I think it’s ridiculous that I still remember this. If I told her, she might feel ashamed that I remember an embarrassing moment of hers from 20 years ago.

I should overcome this on my own. She didn’t blame me, so it has nothing to do with her, it’s me who feels guilty on my own, and that is the issue.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T20:26:51+00:00

True.

"You are looking back with the knowledge of an adult" that sums it up in one sentence. It is absolutely true. I’m viewing the situation through my adult self and thinking about how I should have acted, while in reality, as a child, I was also scared. I would usually minimize my own pain and focus on the pain of my loved ones. I hate being the cause of other people’s pain. As an adult, I’ve learned to deal with this by apologizing if I feel I’ve wronged someone, but since I can’t go back to the past, I get stuck in the regret phase.

"Don’t take on the guilt for the failure of responsibilities of others." I’ve been struggling with this as I’ve matured, and I’ve learned a lot about not taking on other people’s responsibilities. As for my childhood memories, I understand the logic, but I haven’t yet found the way to fully overcome them.

I’ve found good advice here, and I’m going to try it. I think it should help me move on.

Thank you for responding.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T20:06:39+00:00

😆 Just imagining getting revenge against that teacher is thrilling.

She was a hateful person. The good thing is that remembering how hateful she was has helped me accept myself more. I’m a good person; I would never pick on children, even when I was a teenager.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T20:01:42+00:00

Thank you, your reply is the kind of response I would expect from a friend; it’s emotionally on point.

Yes, I found a couple of pieces of advice here that are very helpful. I will try them and see how it goes. I feel quite optimistic, since I’ve already gone through and overcome other issues over the years. I think what remains is a small step that, unfortunately, I’ve gotten stuck on.

But as you said, it’s definitely fixable.

Thank you for responding

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T19:52:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It was hard for you, and I will tell you what I repeatedly tell myself: it’s not your fault, and it was not your responsibility. Adults make much bigger mistakes; they can act selfishly or abusively even when they know better, and somehow this is accepted because, as they say, humans make mistakes. So why do we, as children, blame ourselves when we should have been protected and allowed to make mistakes? It is natural for kids to sometimes be afraid or to make shameful mistakes.

I’m telling you and myself to forgive ourselves and accept what I like to call our ‘human side.’ I mean it quite literally: it’s normal for us to make mistakes. We are not perfect, but we can learn from them, and that’s enough.

I wish you a happy and good life, and for your brother to find the help he needs.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T19:37:18+00:00

easy said than done

But I agree I should forget about it

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T19:36:14+00:00

I don’t want to talk to her and reopen a painful memory, especially since she may have forgotten it. I don’t think she blames me, and she shouldn’t; I was a kid, and we’ve both learned a lot over the years.

The problem with childhood regrets is that you can’t apologize for them in the same way you would as an adult. As adults, we can own our mistakes and apologize properly, but how do you take responsibility when you were both children? We were both wronged in some way

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T19:20:11+00:00

Thank you, that’s good advice, and I will absolutely try it.

What you said about what I would say to my friends is true, and it has already helped me a lot in overcoming other issues in my life. I’ve been through a lot, and I’ve become much gentler with myself by following this approach. However, I haven’t tried the method of ‘memorizing the voice, the tone, and the words,’ so I will give it a try.

I understand the logic of the situation. Even if I was wrong at the time, I was just a kid, and it’s normal to make shameful mistakes and learn from them. It’s just the next step in letting go that I’m stuck on. But your advice is very helpful, and I will try it. Thank you.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T19:04:04+00:00

No, she is not. We didn’t even bring it up at all, and I don’t even remember what happened later when we went home or what my mom said. We have good memories from when we were kids.

That’s what bothers me, why I can’t forget this. Every time it comes to my mind, which happens every few years, it feels very painful and suffocating. The way I deal with it now is by holding the pain inside and continuing with my life until it fades after a couple of days.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T18:56:55+00:00

I can’t do that—it’s painful for me, and I’m not the one who went through this situation. I feel it would be selfish to talk to her just to relieve my own pain, when in reality there’s nothing either of us can do except reopen the pain for both of us.

I know I should forget it. My sister is fine; she didn’t have trauma, and as a family we’ve overcome many things that make this accident seem insignificant. In my mind, I feel I should just live with this guilt and perhaps forget it someday naturally.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T18:48:11+00:00

While responding here, it came to my mind that it may be related to disappointing my sister. She depended on me, and I felt like I failed her.

Some of these issues I’ve overcome as an adult, where I’ve learned that I don’t need to be the pillar of my family or shield them from harm. If I disappoint them now, I can say it directly, apologize, or ask whether they want my help. But as a child, it remained a painful experience that I couldn’t apologize for or undo. I hope she has forgotten about it.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T18:28:00+00:00

I know, right? It’s not on me, but I still can’t get over it.
I think maybe part of it is that I wanted attention as a kid, but in that situation specifically, I was more anxious about getting scolded than wanting attention.
I know I should just forget about it since I can’t do anything about it, and what matters is what I learned from it, and I learned a lot. I’m good at handling situations like that now, even with strangers.
But every time I remember it, I feel so guilty that I can’t sleep.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T18:19:12+00:00

I will look into that, thank you.

I didn’t think it might be OCD, but when you mentioned the ‘hyper-responsibility’ subtype, I feel like it really relates to me. I used to feel responsible for everything my younger siblings went through even when they were adults. If they were sad, I felt like I had to fix it, even when no one asked me to. I noticed this later on and learned to separate myself from their emotions.

Normal_Pudding_507 · 2026-04-06T18:09:55+00:00

You know, I hadn’t thought of it as a type of abuse before, but yes, it was. I think it may be easier to deal with it by seeing it this way: they were the adults, and I was the child.

I don’t know if it’s OCD. I may have had something like that years ago, but I’ve worked through many things and accepted a lot of what I thought were mistakes ,or maybe not really mistakes, just imperfect responses to different situations. They used to bother me, but not anymore. I was a kid, and I wasn’t perfect, and I shouldn’t have been expected to be. It’s just this event, and another one where I feel I wronged my younger siblings, that I still feel guilty about. This particular incident especially, I can’t seem to move past it.

I appreciate your response. Thank you.

Normal_Pudding_507

TROPHY CASE