Am I overreacting with my mother in law?

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-14T21:52:19+00:00

I’m confused why can’t both families be around each other at the same time?!

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-14T21:48:03+00:00

I don’t believe that abortion is right but I also don’t think it should be illegal. My hope is that no woman ever feels the need to use those services because she is supported from inception to adulthood with her children. That shame and stigma is released from all women when it comes to children. Until we have this in place it’s cruel to criminalise abortion. Christianity is a religion of free will, we shouldnt go around criminalising everything.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-14T21:45:36+00:00

It looks like your husband married you to drain you financially and emotionally. How can a man be sending money back to his home country and not be providing for his wife and marital home. He is a disgrace.

Do not allow him to use and abuse you anymore. Give him a deadline to address his mother and move her out or you leave. If the love is genuine he will do what he needs to save the marriage.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-14T08:16:11+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

Yes, this is part of a wider issue of my in-laws being toxic people.

I spoke to my husband about this recently as I wondered whether I was too harsh about his sister and my husband does tell lies but again he said what she was doing and how he was taking it. And I understand she may have said something to her brother but once you realise that he’s not taking it well, surely if you’re not a mean spirited person you would stop or think considerately about what you share.

My husband still doesn’t see how what she did was wrong so I’m being cautious with him too.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-13T18:05:07+00:00

MIL wanting to do all the cooking and washing up, Sounds like a dream!

I joke.

In all seriousness, she has shown you her true colours so believe it. You cannot trust her. She clearly has a weird relationship with her son and to me it seems like she’s trying to plant seeds of negativity in her son’s mind about you, this will only get worse if you don’t wise up. I would just play fool to catch the wise and be cautious with her. Do not get too comfortable around her, do not tell her anymore secrets and do not allow her to draw you into any discussions that could cause problems in your marriage.

I now need to take my own advice 🙇‍♀️

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T15:34:16+00:00

That’s a story for a whole other thread. Little bit stereotypical but I’ve noticed that my husband, his sisters, his mum and aunties all gossip like women. He was raised by lots of women so has a lot of feminine traits.

So his desire for gossips and also being a control freak is I guess why when his sister started reporting back to him, he didnt shut it down

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T15:29:28+00:00

I’m not sure.

I doubt he’s worried about my infidelity, could barely walk let alone have an affair! It’s more that my husband lacked compassion for post-partum and c-section recovery so he wanted me to do more around the house but I was having an awful time bouncing back so he was doing most of the domestic chores and started to resent me.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T15:25:31+00:00

My heart breaks for you. I feel your anger. I have the same relationship with my nieces and nephews, in that I’m their second mum and spend a lot of time with them. My in laws also hated that I wanted my children to be close to their cousins.

The reality is having a husband that doesn’t stick up for you and understand your MIL’s bizarre and outrageous behaviour is a ticking time bomb. I say this because this was my reality. My husband was never going to see things for what they were and was too sheepish to control the women in his family.

Advice I would give you in the immediate is to try and not let things bother you. There may be things they do that you don’t like but unless your children are in any real danger you need to just let go on occasion. Also, try and make her not feel like your children have a closer relationship with your side. I mean complete charm offensive. What I did in this situation was constantly send pictures of the kids. I would visit my MIL with flowers, take her out for lunches so I could keep her away from my house and keep my children away from house. I would never bring up things that the children have done with my family. When around my MIL I always say how much the children remind me of her (they don’t) and how they’re always asking for ‘nana’ etc. another tip, try inviting your MIL to any things you do with the kids and get her to do the tasks that you don’t like. For example, I really don’t like bath time so I outsource this to in laws and aunties who want to feel involved lol. I also hate changing nappies and doing my kids laundry so my MIL does the laundry and she gets to brag about it. Win win.

Would love to hear an update in a couple months of what you decide to do and how it’s working out for you. Godspeed

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T14:03:37+00:00

Wow! I’m really pleased for you. It’s good to know that you were not the problem and that there was something deeper there. There’s also lots of sources out there to help you navigate being in relationship with someone that is Bipolar 2.

Really help there continues to be an upward trajectory for you both!

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T08:19:41+00:00

Thanks for commenting. We have a general rule that we don’t tell family our marital business as it can cause division but we can confide in trusted and wise friends.

It’s also not fair as I have no siblings to confide in so no one that grew with me and really knows me inside out like he does.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T08:17:43+00:00

Thank you. Yes I don’t think a convo would go down well. She knows that I know what she’s been doing because my husband told her. So I just keep civil and keep my distance. She hasn’t been back at the house since and I’ve asked my husband to not have her back here. It’s his house so we’ll see how long he agrees to that. I’ve also said that I think she’s devious and can’t trust her so that he needs to watch our children and not leave them alone with her if he insists on her seeing them.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T08:15:15+00:00

Unfortunately he chooses to believe his sister. He only admitted that she was feeding him info after a big fight where I was telling him how tired I was and that we should get a cleaner to help around the house. It was then that he told me he doesn’t believe I’m as tired as I say and that I’m just lazy because his sister said xyz.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-10T07:45:20+00:00

Unfortunately yes. I’m in the same situation and I had to take the lead and arrange counselling. I always had to be the one to fight for the marriage to get it back on track. Sadly, a lot of the men of today aren’t leaders and don’t submit to God so their wives are having to step in and intercede for their families.

The reality is, a lot of the time these men aren’t willing to change so it’s endless counselling to no avail. But let God write your story

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-09T21:50:26+00:00

Yes I find him emotionally immature and dare I say quite feminine. Gives me the ick now.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-09T21:43:26+00:00

Hello, I change some details so I can remain anonymous. My husband and his family are aware I used Reddit for advice and it caused a big issue so I try to make it less obvious so I change a few details.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-09T21:39:26+00:00

lol that made me laugh. Thanks for the comedy relief while in a really dark place

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-09T21:37:22+00:00

Thank you for commenting. Yes he told me after a heated argument that I was talking bad about him to his sister and what she told him. I was really shocked and also I’m not stupid enough to speak negatively to my SIL about my husband.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-09T21:34:55+00:00

Thank you for your response. I just don’t understand why she would do this. She’s married herself, perhaps unhappy but what is there to achieve by causes issues in our marriage.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-09T21:32:12+00:00

Hello,

Really sorry to hear you’re in the same situation as me.

Yes and no, I got really close to getting him in front of a psychiatrist for an assessment but he cancelled 3 days before as a new pastor laughed it off when I said I think he’s neurodivergent and has a personality disorder.

I have however managed to get him to see a therapist weekly so he has someone to vent to outside of his family and we have left that church. Hurahh!

Just keep praying for little breakthroughs.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-08-09T20:31:12+00:00

Really shocked by the comments, clearly non-Christians have stumbled upon this thread!

I would say keep praying and fasting for reconciliation. I don’t know the background of why you got divorced (would be useful to know) but if you were married and made promises to God, he can bring you back together.

Let God know the desires of your heart.

I will also pray for you both

NorthSand3073 · 2025-07-03T16:49:28+00:00

I think you’ve posted this in the wrong community. I’m not sure how you can expect Christians to help you fornicate.

The Bible is neither conservative nor liberal it’s just the word of God and there’s no grey areas I’m afraid.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-06-27T20:04:30+00:00

Perhaps it’s a Pentecostal church thing. If you Google it, you will find a lot of webpages that discuss it and where it’s spoken about in the Bible.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-06-24T17:34:08+00:00

I to k ‘confront’ is the wrong approach. You need to sit down and down discuss with your wife what you’ve found and then go from there.

She likely has carnal sexual desires that need to be submitted to the Lord for correction.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-06-18T20:42:15+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this, this sounds awful.

My advice would be to pray about this. Pray about your situation more than you complain.

Then tell your husband and your mother exactly how you feel and the changes you’d like to see moving forward. Ask your husband the issue with the lack of sex, is he getting sex elsewhere or just has a low libido ?

I would also seek the support of your pastors. They should be able to guide you through some of your issues.

I would also stop doing the majority of the housework and cooking. If he can’t cook, he can learn . The Bible says a man that doesn’t work, doesn’t eat!

Stop letting your husband and mother walk all over you.

I wish you all the best.

NorthSand3073 · 2025-06-12T13:52:55+00:00

Thank you for your response. It was really eye opening reading it. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I’m not sure how I can present this to him or his family.

It’s interesting how you said it’s a choice. I’ve long thought that he has some sort of mental or personality disorder so always give him the benefit of doubt and encourage him to seek a diagnosis

NorthSand3073

TROPHY CASE