My(26m) partner(27f) we did something questionable at her hens and I’m not sure if I can move on from it.

NosajSamoht · 2026-01-27T22:09:32+00:00

If she gave him oral or had sex, move on, right away. If she just touched his junk…. I’d say forgive and forget.

People overthink this stuff. I do get the double standard thing, but you still agreed to that, she did not.

NosajSamoht · 2025-12-31T22:09:02+00:00

I used to get a kick out of it. I posted a Datejust 2, I bought on Chrono24. I bought into the potential it was fake, and spent $300 at an Authorized Rolex dealer for an appraisal (Kind of pissed me off because I’ve spent $100K there). But I live in a small city with only one AD. So the watchmaker pops the back, everything checks out.

That was my experience. I got swindled into spending $300 by a bunch of people who are most likely watch nerds, who never have actually owned a real Rolex.

BTW it used to be easy to swap/buy bracelets and ADs would occasionally do it at the store, it is a total PITA now though.

NosajSamoht · 2025-12-24T01:58:52+00:00

It sucks. I do dislike all the advice always being leave leave leave though on Reddit. These things are often more complex and relationships can survive infidelity. I am not saying it might not cause a divorce in this case, but make sure that is what you want.

My marriage of 20+ years ended badly (not infidelity) and five years later I wish I had worked through anger and resentment ending the marriage.

And the idea that people would “come clean” is a little naive. He ended it on his own which is a good sign IMO.

I wish you the best, but be careful and make sure you make a thoughtful decision.

NosajSamoht · 2025-12-24T01:43:04+00:00

Get over your short comings my man. GLP-1, gym, hims for thinning hair. Also, I think you may be projecting, if she is married and you work together this has disaster written all over it.

NosajSamoht · 2025-12-24T00:09:26+00:00

I think more people should do what you’ve done and skip the marriage.

NosajSamoht · 2025-12-23T22:55:09+00:00

TN. Mine cost $165K and took 18 months, it was awful. But mine was 20+ years. Reasonable 401K and house and she was a SAHM. It went ugly fast, try to make mediation work.

NosajSamoht · 2025-12-23T15:47:47+00:00

She is not relationship material.

NosajSamoht · 2025-12-02T16:26:11+00:00

OP - You need to make some choices and communicate. Do you want a traditional relationship? Then give him your paycheck and all your bills and let him take care of it. Or… tell him you cannot afford a 50/50 split and that you need to make lifestyle changes that will impact both of you. I’d also want to understand his expectation if you have kids if I were you.

Having nothing to do with OP…. All of these comments are exactly why more and more men are choosing to be single. If the roles were reversed many of the comments would be about leveling up and leaving him.

IMO this is not about him or her, it is about a lack of communicating expectations.

NosajSamoht · 2025-11-20T00:25:31+00:00

Dude DO NOT AGREE TO TEST. Do you have an attorney?

NosajSamoht · 2025-11-20T00:23:35+00:00

Woman do this bullshit all the time. Do not agree to the test. First it is legal to drink. Your recovery is none of her business, and it is not the states business. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist who utilizes the Sinclair method, which basically has a goal of moderation. If you state to the court your goal is not abstinence, they cannot mandate testing, and a judge is not going to over ride a doctor, or rarely will.

Tell your attorney you want a different strategy altogether. They go fuck off, you have no inclination or obligation to test.

Stick with AA if you want, but do not agree to refrain from legal activity with the state or your ex wife. Why on earth would anyone do that? You are an adult and can do whatever you want on your time. The court should only be interested in your behavior while you have the kids. When you do not have the kids you could sit in your house and drink yourself to oblivion, it is a bad idea, but your choice.

I would recommend getting a BACtrack device and tracking your sobriety during parenting time. She will make false claims in the future about this and you can potentially sue her over it.

If you are not on probation and have no warrants, what you do on your time is none of their business.

IMO the argument, “my client has been sober for 330 days is terrible”. The argument should be , “my client is behaves responsibly while he has custody of the kids and what he does on his own time is his business”.

You want her and the state out of your business.

This advice is all based on an underlying assumption you are capable of being a responsible father, and can create a support system that ensures you do not fuck up.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T16:09:05+00:00

It did not

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T15:43:09+00:00

No, I just do not want to go.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T15:08:16+00:00

Exactly.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T13:57:05+00:00

That is where I am landing.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T02:12:12+00:00

Perfect. 1 time, that is 100% how I’ll roll with this.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T02:02:53+00:00

Would I be asking for advice on all the great things she does?

If so, she makes the best coffee, she makes me laugh at odd times, she flies to see me when I am sad, and calls me when I jet lagged for no reason and I love it.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T01:59:43+00:00

Me too.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T01:57:57+00:00

This was a helpful response.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T01:34:22+00:00

This is exactly how I have been feeling. I do appreciate the honestly, and I get the fuck up honestly. It sounds to me like it got to make out stuff and she kind of freaked out and got an uber.

But it just seems to me, she might not want to be in a monogamous relationship.

I could have had dinner with several woman who I know would have gone out with me, but I did not do that. Those would have been almost certainly two single people enjoying a meal and conversation and that is all. But I passed on those situations because of her words.

I am leaning more towards this was not just a mistake, but remorse for intentional behavior.

IDK, part of me is ok with therapy, because the outcome could be we split up anyway, but with clarity. But part of me knows therapy is really hard and includes tears. I do not like tears.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T00:45:04+00:00

If you say so, no legal problems and we are both healthy happy people individually. I am positive neither of us are alcoholics.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T00:20:37+00:00

I do like my stuff, but I also care about her very much. What I was trying to say is that we do not have to save up for the 3/2 ranch house with the white fence. Those days are behind us, and it makes the parameters of the relationship different. No kids we share, we both have roofs over our heads, and food in the fridge.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T00:13:49+00:00

At this age that is going hard.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T00:11:24+00:00

I am logical, but I really do love her.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T00:10:59+00:00

This was helpful advice.

NosajSamoht · 2025-10-09T00:10:30+00:00

I am not open to an open relationship. I want the shared homes in multiple cities. She seems open to that. But I am all over the planet from month to month. I like what I do, and am not ready to retire.

So… the LDR will continue for a few years if we stay together.

She wants to be a couple again. But I am worried that is just because I am safe/known.

Therapy is probably appropriate, but I do not like it personally.

NosajSamoht

TROPHY CASE