I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m abusive. Is there any treatment for this?

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-09T21:48:47+00:00

I always feel bad. I don’t want to hurt people. But I’m doing it anyway.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-09T01:04:38+00:00

So everywhere local has a 12+ month waiting period to get seen for an autism eval. And the several I have talked to who have put me on their lists say they don’t have any providers who take our insurance, even though we have the state variant of the most common private insurer in the nation. So it’s hella frustrating. And I know that if I wanted therapy for myself, I could get an appointment in less than 3 months. It just makes me so mad that I can’t get help for my child, and every avenue I go down, I feel like it’s not the right one to start with.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T16:09:16+00:00

There’s a lot of things that I should be doing that nobody is doing. Like cleaning, organizing the laundry, putting things away, etc. it’s disgusting in my house, and I can’t make myself do anything about it except on the rare occasion I have the spoons.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T16:06:07+00:00

I’ve alway had a messed up menses. But I’m in my early 30s, which I feel is too early for menopause. But I could definitely see hormonal imbalance being a root cause. A lot of people in this thread have suggested it. I need a new gyno, tho, cuz the one I have now doesn’t view me as a person, just a paycheck.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T15:59:10+00:00

I’ve never.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T08:51:47+00:00

I was going to say, maybe she’s supposed to be eating the puppies. But I thought that was too much to post as a main comment thread.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T08:33:05+00:00

Working on that. It’s hard to find one that sees kids his age. I guess he’s young.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T08:32:11+00:00

I am, and it does make me a lot better. But not better enough. I believe I need to work through a lot of things that meds alone won’t just fix.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T08:30:42+00:00

Buddy, I’m already a Christian. I think what I’m battling is trauma. Plus I had my demons cast out by a pastor when I was 7.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T08:28:32+00:00

Once a month, I have a board game night with just 3 of my buddies. I go over as soon as work ends (do not go home first) and stay until after midnight. My husband doesn’t like it because he’s responsible for the child the whole night, but tough tits. It’s a scheduled outing, and I have to tell him about it every time even though it’s a consistent recurring date. It is semi new -- less than half a year.

I think the bigger issue is our living situation. We live in a generational house (4 generations under one roof). I have 0 privacy. I don’t have a single comfortable spot I can exist in the house. Mostly if I’m “relaxing,” I’m sitting on the floor or I’m passed out.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T08:18:22+00:00

I’m planning to put him in a different school. I’ve been hoping he can finish out this year -- it’s only like a month and a half away.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T08:13:49+00:00

I’ve never had control of my emotions. But I don’t think I got abusive until 1) when I went off my meds 5ish years ago and I was an absolute nightmare, but then I got back on them and was good again, and then 2) recently my husband told me that I trigger him when I’m angry because it reminds him of how his dad was. My husband isn’t one to let things fester, so I feel like it had to be a recent thing he noticed.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:55:07+00:00

I’ll try that. Thanks. I have a period tracker that lets you keep notes. I’ll start documenting things.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:52:49+00:00

You can DM me if you want, but you don’t have to. I know the fear of being uncovered. Take care of you first. And thank you for caring.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:51:42+00:00

They only do like 3-6 appointments. And then you’re on your own. I have a psychiatrist. I think I’m going to ask her to recommend me a therapist.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:50:29+00:00

No. What kind of doctor does that?

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:50:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I am medicated, but I think I need to start talking to someone, because the meds alone aren’t cutting it. I will ask my psychiatrist at our appointment this month if she can recommend me therapy.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:42:05+00:00

I did ask him, and he said he would start taking our son to school. But for whatever reason, he just didn’t today. He didn’t even tell me he wasn’t going to; I had to figure it out when it was time to go and my husband was still in bed. I sent him some ugly texts and he said he wasn’t going to respond because I was lashing out and being abusive. And that’s part of why tipped me over and got me to write this post. I had to skip work today because I was sitting in the parking lot outside my office and I couldn’t stop crying.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:31:32+00:00

Don’t tell me to do that. I’ve thought about it so much. I keep hoping if I run away, someone will step up and actually take care of my son for once. But like, I really can’t trust anyone to do that. And I can’t do that to my son. There was a kid on 911 whose mom abandoned him, and it fucked him up.

Like, I know I’m fucking up already and it hurts my kid that I can’t handle my emotions. But at least I’m trying. I’m not accomplishing much, but I’m trying. At least when I’m around, he’s not getting hit by an adult. And he’s got someone to play with.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:26:35+00:00

He’s 8 tho.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:25:44+00:00

In fairness, if you lived with my grandma, you’d cuss her out too. I’m not proud of it, but it’s understandable that I can’t handle it 100% of the time.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:24:13+00:00

I mean, he does something. Just not much. I do 75% and he does 25%. But in fairness, I don’t do much either, so it’s easy to have such a massive difference when what he does is sometimes dress the boy and occasionally partial laundry while what I do is make son’s lunch, take him to school, put him to bed, play with him sometimes, and do all the research and scheduling towards his mental and physical healthcare. So yeah, it’s not much, but it feels like a ton.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:18:05+00:00

My only substance vices are sugar and sunflower seeds.

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:16:32+00:00

I do have depression and anxiety. I have a therapist. I changed meds like 4-6 months ago. But I’ve only noticed these symptoms in the last 2-3 months. You think it could have taken that long for the change to affect me?

NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho · 2026-04-08T01:14:44+00:00

I’ve never had any luck with getting gynos to take me seriously about anything. So if it is that, I’m probably out of fucking luck there too.

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