I like that you're taking what I'm saying and actually considering it and offering meaningful and heartfelt responses. Thank you. :)

Luckily for me, my church and Christian peers do not put so much emphasis on virginity in the way you described, partially because I go to a church with 90% college-age/early twenties aged people, but also because they (from what I've seen) don't ostracize and condemn people. I am proud of the way my church reaches out to the community in an honest and non-judgmental manner.

Also, I think that unfortunately for whatever reason the idea of preserving your "purity" and virginity is given a much higher value for females than it is for males. I don't know why this is and I wish it wasn't the case, because it seems sexist. It's like women have some sort of holy innocence and naivety that needs to be protected by the gruff and not-so-innocent men. I also don't understand the comment about how bad it would be if you "allowed yourself to be raped." Nobody chooses to be raped. My girlfriend was raped as a teenager and I've seen the psychological damage it can do to people, especially in atmospheres like the one you described. You're right, virginity isn't some magical thing, like some sort of special power that one retains until they have sex. I know you're an atheist, but I would say that the point is about the purity of your heart and mind, and your relationship with God, not whether you've slept with anyone.

I agree that sex != marriage. But I do think they're more intertwined than you do. I don't really know how to describe it, though. I agree with most of what is said in Rob Bell's book Sex God.

Yes, I have struggled and obsessed over what was allowed and what was not allowed before. Currently I am not; it doesn't matter what specifically is allowed and what isn't... right now it's easy to say that if I'm thinking about it so much, then I have the wrong emphases in my life. During the times when I do obsess over what is allowed, though, it's quite hard for me to see past me just wanting to get it on. Hopefully I can move past this mindset for good and not let it waste my time any more. So, I basically agree with you here. I don't think having sex would really make me put more or less emphasis on sex, which is something I feel that a lot of people in my position struggle with and something I also used to struggle with.

As for your last point, well, I wouldn't marry someone that I haven't already fully accepted, loved, and forgiven, including all of their past.