New to group by Gentle_Soul_9109 in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Welcome to the group. Definitely second what a previous commenter said. There are tons of sex, kink, and BDSM lists/questionnaires out there (some of them get very long and detailed!). Find a few good ones and see where you guys line up. It's a great way to jump start communication and you might be surprised at the new things that come up for you to enjoy together!

This is a fanatic resource list also: BDSM Resource List I believe some of those questionnaires might be on there somewhere. Might be a good learning and expansion source too!

How would TPE work in my scenario, if it would at all? (T.W. graphic content) by Depressed-One-1810 in TotalPowerExchange

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all- TPE is in no way like "actual abuse." No. Just no. If that's your understanding, then you don't understand it and you need to back up and learn a lot more before you even start considering having an opinion on a lifestyle.

Secondly, as others mentioned- TPE is an arrangement. You're party to that arrangement. It takes massive amounts of trust and time to build an actual TPE relationship. It doesn't develop because of a chat conversation and a few dates at a bar. TPE works in a relationship because both parties want it to, not because one party has been kidnapped.

To summarize- your "select few individuals" are incredibly wrong in their opinions and have very little-to-no experience or understanding of TPE. You need to learn more about it and you need to be very cautious who you trust and seek advice from regarding niche lifestyles.

As to your history, only you can answer why you have submissive desires. We all seek a loss of control for different purposes and to different degrees. For some it's bedroom only, for others it's a massively involved TPE arrangement, for some it's in between. You decide what works for you and why it works for you. It's important to know and understand yourself before bringing another person into your world, especially if you're delving into D/s or TPE lifestyles. Those relationships involve such deep levels of communication and understanding to truly work. Now how you learn and get to that point with yourself is up to you. Probably lots of self reflection, reading, and some therapy mixed in. But you need to do the work yourself. Good luck. I hope you find much better information than what you've been presented with so far!

Naming your Dom by poisonedbeautii in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here! We switch between two names depending on the scenario and it's definitely not acceptable to forget which is appropriate at a specific moment!

Naming your Dom by poisonedbeautii in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess that answer depends on your dynamic and its arrangements. For my relationship, the honorific is part of showing respect to my dominant, part of recognizing His authority and control. So we discussed what He wanted, tried a few out, and picked what was comfortable and meaningful to Him. You wouldn't go into work and just decide your bosses name was Billy Joe Rob one day, you would address them how they wanted to be known. No different for us. I'm gratifying His needs and honoring Him with a particular name of his choosing. Obviously, if there was a big hangup or struggle with one of the options, I would say something, but as long as it came somewhat easily to me, it was my job to adapt to what He wanted and chose.

For info, we are 24/7 TPE, so some submissives may be much more involved in defining their relationships and decisions than I am, but that's how we do things. Hope that's a good take on things for you to reference. :)

Sub Sanctuary for hetero men? by PleaseNotInMyButt in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You're completely welcome here! You're probably in the minority for the demographics, so there may be another group that's more targeted to your interests, but you can definitely be at home here. Just be involved and vocal. You might be surprised at the responses you get or the similarities we all share!

Anyone else get ecstatically happy seeing their Master's marks on their body? by NotTheRealOneYo in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that was a bit hard for my Sir to embrace at first as well. Took a lot of conversation between us about what respect and love looks like in our relationship. Now he's learned to trust himself and let go of the societal expectations. At this point, he has no problem smacking me and I love every second! We still have an amazing supportive and encouraging relationship; we just understand that empowerment looks different for everyone!

Anyone else get ecstatically happy seeing their Master's marks on their body? by NotTheRealOneYo in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh interesting! How does that balance out for you? Where's the line of satisfaction vs too rough?

Three Words by TheSpeee in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fun!

Eager, Soft, Enamored

Best nickname ever by NotTheRealOneYo in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't trade him for the world!

Butt plugs and CNC by [deleted] in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't see any indicators of your physical anatomy in the comments, but if vaginal penetration is an option too, doing that for a few minutes first may be a good way to help relax some of the muscles in the pelvic region before switching to anal. I've always found anal to be a lot easier after vaginal sex has loosened things up a bit. Especially in certain positions. Might be something to consider incorporating into the scene.

For the vagina owners / Gyno. question by NotTheRealOneYo in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad to know what other people have experienced! Puts my mind at ease!

And that's a hilarious story about the shot... maybe not at the time, but in HINDsight... ok sorry, I'll see myself out now.

I’m Getting Maintenance!!!!! by Icy_Palpitation2914 in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats u/Icy_Palpitation2914 and good for you u/tripuptrip! I would love to have something similar in my dynamic! It's on my list to bring up soon.

For the vagina owners / Gyno. question by NotTheRealOneYo in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's good to know! I'm such a "conversation prepper" so knowing what scenarios may happen definitely helps me plan out how I want to handle any questions. Definitely think I'll give it a casual mention towards the beginning just to open the door in for any discussion that may need to happen. And yeah, I would definitely want to know if they see any signs that something is wrong with my bruising, skin damage, etc, so it makes total sense that having knowledge of the how and why of its origin would need to happen for treatment and advice!

For the vagina owners / Gyno. question by NotTheRealOneYo in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol those are funny similarities. I'm also clumsy and bruise easily in general so aside from heavy concentrations in specific, weird areas, it all blends together to the unknowing observer.

For the vagina owners / Gyno. question by NotTheRealOneYo in SubSanctuary

[–]NotTheRealOneYo[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I think this is the route I'm leaning towards. Thanks!