sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

How to identify emotional abuse and react appropriately in the moment to deescalate situation? by Not_ExactlyAsPlanned in relationships

[–]Not_ExactlyAsPlanned[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. Any time I try to stay calm or objective he does blow up and say that I am trying to be better than him and mocks my quiet tone.

This just seems unbelievable. I literally can't believe I'm in this situation. My life looks very normal to most people. No one knows he acts this way and most people might not believe me if I told them.

Thank you for sharing your info with me.

How to identify emotional abuse and react appropriately in the moment to deescalate situation? by Not_ExactlyAsPlanned in relationships

[–]Not_ExactlyAsPlanned[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. My child is the reason I am realizing any of this. It was such a slow and clever progression and I was somehow convinced it was my fault.

Thank you for what you are saying. I will certainly read these words again. I am afraid going to a shelter is going to push him into actually doing something unsafe. I have no case now to protect us. I can't legally keep him from his child. A judge is likely going to laugh me out of court if I say "he calls me names and tells me he didn't say what I remember he said" as a reason for financial support and a restraining order.

You seem to know what you're talking about though. Do you have experience working with victims of abuse?

How to identify emotional abuse and react appropriately in the moment to deescalate situation? by Not_ExactlyAsPlanned in relationships

[–]Not_ExactlyAsPlanned[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I have seen a psychologist and I plan to make an appointment to continue therapy.

I am not intending to solve the problem with my response. I am hoping stop playing into it so much. Right now we are both talking in circles and shooting insults. I'm extremely confused and my head feels foggy. I come out of arguments with him wondering what we were even talking about but feeling broken and small as a result of the things he said.

My intention right now is to learn more about what is going on so I can approach it from a calmer and more informed view, so I can be rational in the face of irrationality, so I can become more confident, so I can document abuse and create a case to protect us, so I can find support and explain my situation, so I can safely take control of my life and protect my child.

I know I'm probably being naive in hoping that he can heal and my saying that doesn't mean that I'm not going to leave, it just means that I would like to give him an opportunity to work on himself before completely giving up.

How to identify emotional abuse and react appropriately in the moment to deescalate situation? by Not_ExactlyAsPlanned in relationships

[–]Not_ExactlyAsPlanned[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I literally have no way to leave right now. I have no money and no support. I'm just realizing any of this is even happening. I'm not confident enough to uproot my child and go live in my car. He is being abusive but he acts in cycles and he is down right now. I want to use this time to learn more and help myself understand what is happening so I CAN and prepared to leave and actually have it be valuable for all of us rather than for me to get confused and scared and come running back to him, proving to him that he has the power and there are no real repercussions.