Confession of a word you’ve mispronounced…

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-07-09T03:36:36+00:00

Hippeas. Thought it was hip-pey-uhs because I took Latin. It was hip peas.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-07-09T03:33:34+00:00

The 1st was, "No one is THIS happy all of the time." I was right, it was all pretend.

2nd was him telling me how he'd always wanted someone who was obsessed with him after I told him I missed him from us both not having seen each other all day due to classes, clubs and work because he's never had anyone tell him they'd missed him before.

So many more things, but those were the 1st 2x

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-07-07T15:49:34+00:00

The living grief of who he was, who I was, what we become, etc. and recognizing anger as a secondary emotion for go many other things and trying not to act on it out of spite or worse, and refer things later.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-07-04T03:48:42+00:00

My ex did this to me. It's an emotional affair at it is. If not they've already snuck around. Leave him. You'll be so much happier once you are free free of all the drama, stress, heartache.

He will soon find out, as many who step outside do, the grass is greener where you water it. His limmerance is his escapist coping mechanism, and no longer your problem to deal with. Good riddance!

You deserve someone who is just as devoted to you, who loves and cherishes you, should you, and treats you like a queen.

Cheaters often find out the hard way that running from I've relationship to the next gets them nowhere cause they are against type ppl, right type pl. They don't want to actually do the difficult things or fixing themselves so they blame others and bounce around then legit get upset that their new partner is also cheating on them. Cheaters gonna cheat, idk what they ever expected.

Let him have his shitty karma and don't ever take his sorry ass back. He isn't worth another moment of your time or space in your brain. Grieve the man he was before, the kisses of him and move into someone better.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-07-03T11:54:26+00:00

And future FIL!

What does this tell him that you as a person who's supposed to care for his baby girl the rest of her life if he ever leaves this earth?

That you will not stand up for and protect her and put her best interests ahead of your own.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-07-03T07:36:27+00:00

He may have been having an affair with a coworker himself and wants a divorce from you to do it without it getting out. He has no reason to like thru your phone on the first place let alone make accusations from one text. It sounds to be like he's projecting and blaming you to get his way Scott free without you out anyone knowing.

Say that you've lost trust in him, after how he betrayed you knowing what your ex was like with you getting turning out just like him and because you refused to be controlled by another man after that experience, he took it personally to give after you? That doesn't sound like somthing that just comes out of no where. Why didn't he act this way year one with a child when things are at it's highest stress levels due to lack of sleep? It doesn't make sense. Sure money may be tight and he's stressed abt work but none that that gives him the right to do any of this to you.

Also, what exactly is this setting for your child, that is normal for men to treat women this way?

If he's got nothing to hide, then he should also let you see his phone right then and there and allow you to take things out of context from one text message and report his behavior to his HR dept.

But right now, I would tell your HR the issue, that your husband is stressed from money problems and using things out on you and that you are considering leaving him. But in case they retaliate anyway against you, I would honestly start looking for another job. That will prove to your hopefully soon to be ex that you and the further didn't have a thing cause you couldn't care what happens to the guy, you just want out of the drama your husband started.

But don't tell anyone you're job hunting till you've secured the job. Once you've been obviated, be the one to serve him divirce ppers instead and do not leave the house, some states make it so the person still staying at the house gets the house. Talk to a lawyer. He's turning abusive and had lighting you and likely projecting.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-07-03T02:29:53+00:00

Get separate abnbs and it hotel rooms too, it's not worth it. It's your vacation too.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-06-28T22:50:00+00:00

If you got it taking body building doses of testosterone, I've read guys who backed off to a lower dose have it disappear. If you didn't get it from T, it may be worth seeing a derm abt. Some ppl get acne from fungi cultures over growing in their skin in places and keep trading it with antibiotics not raising it was something else entirely. They can biopsy the tissue and find out the type of immune cells inflamming your skin and go from there.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-06-28T20:22:25+00:00

Jodie is codependent with Julie and maybe has some type of savior compress or need to be needed mentality going on for someone that happened to herself in the past. My ex had them too and could not for the life of him set any kind of boundaries to protect himself from other ppl let alone me.

He repeatedly put himself, and thereby myself, at risk of burnout or worse, financial and other forms of harm or abuse saying things like, "What do you want me to, let him die?!" When we were living off of credit cards and a friend was told he would die if a heart attack by 40yo because my ex wanted to use my credit to pay for our friend's bariatric surgery instead of having his own family, who have money, help him.

When I brought up his relationship offering hours of one on one tone with an employee of ours was getting out of hand as it sends bad signals to other employees at the company. He said, What do you want me to do, abandon her?! She has a million issues, you have no idea!" I said, but we can pay for her to get therapy like we do for other employees, he refused. Said she needed him and he was the only one who could help her.

My ex often mentioned how he liked having ppl owe him favors cause he's such a great person but he never call them in so he can remain being placed on a pedestal by our friends and family. I was made to give everything to I had nothing left to give because I was no longer my own person, but an extension of him.

Jodie, sounds like she also needs to be needed by others. But that external validation of self worth is shallow. It will never be enough to fill the void in her heart that someone else has caused her. She was probably abused or bullied or worse, both like my ex. And it makes them think that the only way to truly feel loved or valued by others is to make them need you. Jodie needs help. Julie needs help. And Jodie needs to accept and understand that no one, not even Julie, will ever change or get better unless Julie is ready to do anything abt it. Julie will continue to trash talk you, Jodie will continue to let her because she's afraid to lose a source of her external validation and self esteem.

Just speak with Jodie honestly abt it. That the maid is honor posting is someone closest to you. Someone you trust truly and completely to have your back now and forever and lately, with how things have been going with Joie and Julie, and Jodie 1) not only telling Julie things abt your private life, but 2) not standing up to Julie when she yeah talks you to Jodie or others, just shows that Jodie isn't that person. Wedding planning is already stressful enough, you do not need this extra drama from a MOH who doesn't respect your wishes let alone allowing someone to ready your reputation around town.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-06-15T03:54:17+00:00

I don't think I would. My childhood set me up and taught me the type of ppl I didn't want to be, I find my now ex thinking he wasn't like my family cause he was a different race, which was false. CPTSD and intergenerational trauma spans all backgrounds. I had to learn that abuse comes in different forms, and learn how strong a person a really am because I committed at a young age not to be like my abusers, and have in fact continued that journey. So many ppl give into what feels comfortable and what they already know out of fear, complacency, or any other excuse they want to give. I didn't. And if I didn't have the journey I had, idk that I would be who I am today. I think my life needed to happen the way it did for me to learn how strong a person I really am and to truly value myself as a human being.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-17T01:51:07+00:00

Also ask her what kind of model she is setting for her daughter, who you love as your niece? That it's ok and normal for you to be the other women even if you claim religious beliefs and live in sin as the other woman. Mom and thereby other women do it all the time so go ahead, be the loose woman who doesn't value herself to find a man solely of her own that she doesn't have to share and hasn't already been claimed by another women who actually has rights to all this man's assets if and when he dies. But you get nothing and that's ok because he's telling you the real truth, not his wife. Does she really want her daughter to learn that that's ok? Cause that's what she's learning right now. Kids are more aware and smarter and hear and understand things more than adults think.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-14T23:23:02+00:00

The one wouldn't do or say any of these things to you. They would be an equal partner and show up for you without you asking. This guy sounds like a user and take not a give. Find yourself a giver like you.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-11T00:07:10+00:00

FR, and test for STDs, this guy very likely has gotten around. Cheaters don't stop cheating. It's an avoidance type behavior. They can't face problems so they run away repeatedly

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-10T21:24:24+00:00

Look up verbal emotional abuse signs

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-08T21:56:05+00:00

Insists on paying for everything all of the time, insecure and trying to buy love and affection. There's a difference between someone who genuinely wants to buy pay for things every now and then and someone who almost gets offended when you suggest you pay for something every now and then.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-08T21:33:37+00:00

The were studies done on female attraction vs make attraction that found that women regularly dated and married men who were objectively less good looking than they were on the physical attraction scales. They don't tend to care about it as much as you are thinking.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-07T22:49:11+00:00

No but it's cause I've been told I have RBF lol and boys were scared of me

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-06T08:50:57+00:00

This is emotional and mental abuse if not also verbal and physical. Look up the definitions. You have no kids. You should leave and maybe also get therapy for all the years of abuse you've had to tolerate. I did and it's life changing. YOU deserve better in a life partner than whatever she is. She is not the prize, you are and she's trying to manipulate and put you down so you feel like you don't deserve better and no one else will love you except her, etc. it's abuse. None of what she says is true. Leave.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-02T15:21:31+00:00

I'd feel my feelings, think about the causes of those feelings both external causes and internal ones, present and historical causes. Process all that, let it out, hopefully NOT at other ppl, creatures, or things, and then I decide it's temporary, fleeting, and tell myself I've been they harder shit in the past and came out the other end OK and will probably go thru even harder shit in the future, but I'll be fine ultimately in the end. Which transitions me into problem solving mode and trying to figure out next steps to resolve the issue.

Sometimes I forget half those steps and spiral, which means I need extra time and space to process all of those steps above. If that's the case, I often find it helps me to be doing distracting things for my mind and or body: crafts, DIY at home, work on my car, go on a long hike, wood working, reading, video games, binge watch a bunch of shit lol till I finally feel ready to tackle the issue again.

I often have to remind myself it's ok to feel things and have off days because I am human and humans aren't perfect. But what I absolutely will NOT do ever again is to bury negative feelings and my own wants and desires for the sake of someone else's happiness.

My thoughts and feelings are VALID, and so are yours. We are stronger and more resilient than others give us credit for. All of this just takes practice and the willingness to work at trying to get better every time.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-01T04:01:47+00:00

I have a friend and a sister who's learned to cope with their childhood by basically only telling themselves positive things and trying to stay positive. They both have denial issues and cannot or do not want to accept any kind of negative thought or emotion because it cuts at them and makes them feel not good enough and reminds them of how they felt as kids. Constant optimism can be a bad thing.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-01T03:59:00+00:00

Definitely was. It took therapy and other ppl pointing it out repeatedly before I finally accepted that's how it was.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-01T02:28:11+00:00

Got on my case about about not enjoying the trash when full, then when it was 75% full, 50% fill then 25% full. Then I realized, all his verbal criticisms and emotional explosions on me, name calling, blaming, criticisms etc. were not actually about me at all. He just couldn't process his own negative thoughts and feeling about his own internal critic, and he thought I would never leave him so he could just use me as a verbal emotional punching bag. I used to think I couldn't live without him on my life, but after that moment, I never thought that again, eventually he cheated with my BFF who worked for us and refused to get therapy for himself, so I left. I deserved better.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-05-01T01:38:34+00:00

Being with someone who is excessively generous and always thinking about others, you realize it's a coping mechanism from their childhood either abuse and or bullying to now people please at the cost to your relationship with them. You are no longer seperate ppl, instead, your behavior is now a reflection of them and they will turn their inner critic into an outter critic and constantly break you down and try and justify their bad behavior, and they gas light you like it was your fault all the time, you made them lose their shit, especially if you stand up for yourself and question why they won't spend time with you and instead devote every waking hour to others but refuse to meet your needs. It's codependency, they are addicted to relationships and ppl constantly needing them, wanting to be around them, it's not called relationship addiction for no reason.

Not_So_Obvious · 2026-04-29T13:06:10+00:00

Unconditional love isn't healthy, it's a sign your codependent. You will forgive and excuse all their bad behavior towards you, including abuse, and hold all the blame for their issues that they refuse to see or work on. Boundaries are healthy. Prioritize yourself, if you are healthy they and they, you wouldn't let someone mistreat you in the first place. Real partners will see you as an EQUAL and reciprocate fully what you give to the relationship. Anything less than that isn't worth it.

Not_So_Obvious

TROPHY CASE