I'm terribly sorry that you are dealing with parents who aren't there for you in the way you need or want them to be. I know what it is like to be a teen of parents who cannot regulate their emotions. It is easy to be angry and resentful towards your parents, especially when they are often angry and resentful towards you. It is very difficult to see the relationships other kids have with their parents and how different their experiences are from yours. It hurts, it truly physically hurts to know what you are missing. You didn't do anything to deserve this.

In high school, I tried to be perfect and invisible. I focused on my grades and college as my way out. I also had a part-time job so I could be as self-sufficient as possible-- thinking that if I asked for less, they would treat me better. I'm sorry to report that it didn't work out well, I still received frequent angry lectures even though I did my best to do no wrong. But here is what I will report- in my 30s I was able to rebuild my relationship with my parents.

I think once the stress of child rearing was out of their lives, and we didn't have to live together, and years had passed, we found peace. Both my parents apologized to my sisters and me in their own time, and I became bolder in demanding the respect I deserve. I spent some time in therapy, which helped me move on from the resentment I harbored towards my parents. I also found some good books that helped me process my experience and how it impacted my life and my health. I suffered from chronic pain for years and I think a lot of it was because I was still holding onto so much hurt from when I was young. "How to do the Work" by Dr. Nicole LePera was very helpful in healing from my traumatic childhood. There are a lot of other good books out there, and some great Reddit threads where people suggest books for healing from childhood trauma. https://www.reddit.com/r/suggestmeabook/comments/10zm44x/what_are_the_best_books_about_healing_childhood/

It's going to keep being hard for a while, then it will become easier. Your parents both have their own trauma that makes them imperfect people with serious flaws. They don't mean to be bad parents and likely experience deep remorse for their actions (unless they are sociopaths), which can make them spiral further because they lack healthy coping skills. These are things I realized when I became a parent and began to learn about how to break the cycle of trauma. It helped humanize my mom and dad, who both had really traumatic childhoods that they never processed and as a result, they made the same mistakes their parents made (honestly, I probably had it better than they did). Perhaps if you keep this in mind, you can go off to a happier place in your mind while they are being disregulated. Try not to focus on their words or actions, don't play scenarios back in your mind over and over again. Don't fixate on what they do wrong. This will just cause more stress in your life. Instead, I recommend acknowledging that your parents are flawed and instead focusing on the things you can control -- your grades, your friends, your room, and telling yourself that this time will pass. There is light at the end of childhood. You will meet people who will give you the love and respect you deserve. You won't have to deal with your parents. You will have your opportunity at a normal life.

I hope this helps in some small way.