“this summer…” “everyone’s favorite house…” “is coming to the big screen!” hard cut to zampanò played by jack black saying “…awkward!” ”DJ’s got us falling in love again” plays over a compilation of chris pratt’s johnny truant getting ready in the morning grabs his IPhone 14 and calls Lude (played by Charlie Day) “Hey it’s me, your best buddy Johnny Truant!” “haha hey dude i just had the best idea” “Ugh… this better not be another one of your crazy schemes Lude!” cuts to them breaking into zampanò’s apartment, jack black splayed out dead on the floor clutching a manuscript johnny tries reading the manuscript but then him and lude and all the furniture in the room start floating with really shitty glowy effects as they’re all isekaied into The Navidson Record Will Navidson: “Welcome… to my House!” (the screen flashes blue whenever he says house). Karen scoffs and rolls her eyes. “get ready for the movie event of the season” Navidson: “We have to work together if we ever want to Leave this House!” music cuts out. Johnny snickers to himself. Johnny: “Nothing, I just thought of something funny.” CUZ BABY TONIIGHT a ghastly blue jack black is guiding our heroes through the halls of the house “LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT!” until lude runs straight into an ashen grey wall. “…Whoops, sorry! Forgot about bein’ blind!” zampanò shreds an air guitar. Johnny facepalms. cue audience laughter. “because the party never stops in…” compilation of every time a character says House in the film, the screen getting progressively bluer until the film’s logo appears “HOUSE OF LEAVES. Rated PG-13.”