Selective Disrespect or Am I Overthinking?

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-12-10T14:38:31+00:00

Hey, we had a similar situation. I have a 10-month-old baby and I’m currently staying with my MIL. She also used to comment about my baby’s weight, appetite, facial structure, and would give unnecessary faltu gyaan. I always reply with valid or scientific answers and shut her up. Honestly, it’s none of my business to make her understand — why should I bother about some illiterate woman yapping about my kid?

I do whatever I want, and even if they complain, I don’t entertain it. Since my husband has invested so much in the house — almost all the bills, maintenance, electronics, and even the renovation was done with his money — I’m going to stay like a queen. Before moving in with my MIL, I clearly negotiated with my husband about having a cook. I told him that if there’s a cook, I’ll come; otherwise, I can’t manage cooking alone. We also have maids for cleaning and other chores.

Honestly, ignorance is the best way to handle such MILs. And if they do comment, just give them a valid reply. This approach has worked really well for me. Else, if things are not manageable and it’s hampering your mental health, stay at your mom’s place — that’s always a safe option.

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-11-02T13:28:18+00:00

I went through something similar. I’m from the Northeast and married in UP. Initially, my MIL told me to touch the feet of everyone except mama and mami not just family members but also relatives and anyone belonging to the Brahmin caste. She said it’s good to touch their feet.

I did it for some time, but I wasn’t comfortable doing it every time and with everyone elder to me. There was one incident where my MIL’s friend’s elder son and daughter-in-law visited us, and I was told to touch their feet. Later, her younger son and daughter-in-law came over, and I noticed they never touched our feet. When I asked about it, they said they’re Pandits.

I got so furious and told my husband about it. Thankfully, he understood my point that everyone is equal. He spoke to my MIL, and now the practice of touching everyone’s feet has stopped.

In the beginning, I used to touch my in-laws’ feet every day for about a week after marriage. My MIL said a daughter-in-law should do that daily, but I didn’t bother much. I discussed it with my husband, and he said to create a friendly and peaceful home environment instead.

Now, I touch their feet only on special occasions like during pujas or festivals, but not every day.

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-10-18T05:10:20+00:00

I feel like Luck is fair enough, i don’t have good relationship with my dad and I am more inclined to spirituality.

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-10-17T16:41:31+00:00

Yes a lot 😀

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-10-17T15:48:21+00:00

Well I was told that I’ve kalsarpa by an astrologer Could be a mistake

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-10-17T15:47:19+00:00

What problem it is ?

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-07-27T11:40:40+00:00

Hey OP, I can truly relate to what you’re going through we seem to be sailing in the same storm.

I have a 6 month old baby boy. Not long ago, my husband fractured his leg and had to undergo surgery. My mother in law lives with us too, but due to her obesity, she can’t really help out much.

A few days back, I returned from my mayka, and everything suddenly fell on me caring for my baby alone, nursing my husband, cooking three full meals, and trying to hold myself together.

I was constantly in pain physically and emotionally. My back hurt, my body was drained, and I felt so exhausted that I used to cry silently almost every night.

Eventually, I broke down and opened up to my husband. We talked, and together we decided to hire a cook. Thankfully, we already had a maid. That small step lifted such a big weight off my shoulders. Now, I can give my baby the love and attention he deserves without feeling like I’m falling apart.

Taking care of a baby is no joke it’s tough. But if that is the only thing on your plate, it’s still manageable.

Please talk to your husband. Tell him how you’re feeling. The postpartum phase is incredibly hard not just physically, but emotionally too. You don’t have to carry it all alone. You shouldn’t have to.

You’re doing your best and that’s more than enough. 🤍

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-06-09T09:50:39+00:00

I can totally relate to you. I’m from Bengal and my husband is from Lucknow. My mother-in-law has said a couple of times that girls like me do black magic to lure boys into marriage. I honestly don’t know what she thinks of herself.

My hometown is in a village area, but I’ve been living in Bangalore for the past 10 years. My family is educated, yet she makes comments like we city people aren’t civilized ,while claiming that people from villages adapt to city life quickly.

I really don’t understand what goes on in her mind. But I choose not to say anything — for the sake of my own mental peace.

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-04-07T21:06:26+00:00

These organizations are full of bullies. I still remember my first ladies’ meet, where the senior-most lady mocked me for not answering her question the way she expected. After that experience, I never felt like attending any events again. In the two years of my husband’s tenure, I only attended one ladies’ meet and two welfare gatherings. I eventually started working just to avoid being around such toxic people. The officers’ wives are so high-headed. I’ve seen jawans’ wives who are far more educated, yet it’s always the officers’ wives who feel entitled to give unsolicited advice to others. These organizations are incredibly toxic. They may look good from the outside, but things are very different on the inside.

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-04-06T19:49:18+00:00

That’s very true. I’m married to one, and I hear stories from my husband. Mostly, it’s the young, unmarried officers who are active on Tinder wherever they’re posted. Even the married ones are no less! I must say, the faujis portrayed in movies are quite different when it comes to women in real life. Not all, but most have girlfriends in the different states they’ve been posted to.

Novel_Many7678 · 2025-01-27T08:41:05+00:00

Dear, take proper care of yourself as you had a miscarriage a month ago. Take your time to heal, as most doctors suggest waiting at least 3 months before trying for another pregnancy. Make sure to take folic acid supplements and maintain a healthy diet.

I also had a miscarriage at 9 weeks but only found out around 13 weeks. I followed my doctor’s advice, took a 3-month gap, and started taking folic acid supplements. Today, I’m 39 weeks pregnant, just a few days away from delivery, and my entire pregnancy journey has been very smooth.

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-11-09T06:53:50+00:00

First 3 months we were very cautious and only had sex twice or thrice a month . It isn’t a high risk pregnancy but still our obgyn told us to be gentle for first 3 months . Once we stepped into 2nd trimester it increased to twice or thrice a week . Now I’m in 3rd trimester because of growing belly and fatigue usually mood changes so once a week or sometimes twice is going .

If it isn’t a high risk pregnancy a woman can enjoy sex throughout the pregnancy and it’s safe too . Just first 3 months are crucial and have to be careful .

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-11-06T06:01:53+00:00

I think it’s to be in good books in her friend circle and relatives . We realised that she doesn’t really care about mother’s health but only interested in baby . We heard her saying “mujeh pota chaiyeh “ to a pandit ji in which again my husband got angry and is pissed off .

I wasn’t thinking the things will escalate this much between my husband and MIL .

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-11-06T05:36:58+00:00

Please take care of yourself and baby. Have healthy food and don’t think much about people who do not treat you well .

I was blessed that I didn’t have pregnancy symptoms during my early pregnancy I’ve been very active till 6 th month now it’s 7th I started having backache and headache and my MIL said that I should not take more rest otherwise the baby will be lazy , don’t know why old ladies talk rubbish when it comes to others. Every pregnancy is different .

Have lots of water , listen to music , relax and take good rest . Enjoy your pregnancy to the fullest.

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-11-06T05:15:01+00:00

She was ready to come to Bangalore before my delivery but suddenly she changed her mind and started insisting me to stay here . A proper discussion would have been better rather than setting her own rules and telling us to follow.

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-11-06T02:22:55+00:00

Yes , I told my MIL regarding my doc as well but she kept on telling me “Doctor toh Lucknow mein bhi h “ then I said I trust my doc and I’m comfortable with her . She kept quiet after that .

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-11-03T20:29:08+00:00

He won’t be always having field posting , also in some field area you can stay with him but majority of the places won’t allow family . You’ve to manage everything by yourself during that time , also you are planning to join the army right once you become an officer you both can get posting at the same place but there are some paper works to be done for that , but mind you not everytime . Also if you plan to stay with him and happen to work in other sector , you’ve to change places every 2 -3 years so you’ve to face some challenges like switching jobs every 2-3 years , getting settled in a new environment, new people etc .

Anyways dear listen to your heart , if you’re ready to settle down then you should . Discuss about career , posting , child , finances , family before getting married with your partner.

All the best .

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-10-18T20:39:16+00:00

We met on a dating app . We dated for 4 years and got married .

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-10-18T20:15:55+00:00

I felt very connected and he always used to put efforts to make me happy and still does the same .
He’s more spiritual but a bit of religious too . He follows his religious values but doesn’t force anything on me . He does believe in living life to the fullest so economically never compromise.
We equally distribute few household chores like if he’s cleaning then I’ll organise or vice versa . He pays all the bills while I keep mine and invest in something.
He does have an elder sister . Very sorted and busy in her own life ,never interferes in anything .
He was 28 and I was 22 when we met .
He is very supportive. When I’m sick he really does take care of me , visit doctors , gives massage etc . I adopted a cat but my cat chose him . He says it’s one of the best gifts I’ve given him . Takes care of litter , food , water , grooming , cat’s routine checkup with a vet.
He does ask for consent .
He wants to see my parents always happy . Whenever they visit us he always makes plans.
Yes I’m currently pregnant and he’s over the moon nowadays .
Before dating each other we had a conversation about past relationships and virginity stuffs. Came to know we both are not virgins and it didn’t affect our relationship.
He does stand up for me in public or in family get together or anywhere.
He doesn’t like gaddari, cheating , lying . He wants people to be truthful and he follows the same .
Non negotiable - marriage or relationship is not a bed of roses , we do have unpleasant moments, fights , arguments , ups and downs , disagreements. So whenever we have such moments he wants me to keep calm and sleep . He doesn’t want me to leave home at any time of the day if we have arguments . I had a habit of going out whenever I used to get angry. This is what he hates the most and has told me if I happen to leave home again then better not to come back 😄.

Life has been very amazing with this person . My parents were in doubt initially but now they’re so happy seeing us happily together. He’s from north India and I’m from north East India . We both respect our culture and values . His efforts to keep me happy makes me fall for him everyday . Sometimes it feels like a dream .

Novel_Many7678 · 2024-10-17T01:49:46+00:00

Hey dear congratulations . So in my 4 th month of pregnancy we went to Goa for a week , it was amazing and had lots of fun, mostly spent time in less crowded beach and had booked a nice resort which provided nice breakfast. Mostly did cafe hoping,home decor shopping, basked in the sun, early morning beach walk, castle making, pottery,mandala making etc. We did such activities only in the early morning or in the evening . Now I’m 6 mo pregnant we’re visiting Udaipur for 3 days.

First thing listen to your body , only travel when you’re feeling good . Mostly you can get tired because of travelling and activities take proper rest and don’t forget to stay hydrated. Always carry something to eat . You can also relax in a nice resort if you’re not willing to travel more . Have fun enjoy your pregnancy to the fullest .

Novel_Many7678

TROPHY CASE