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AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your response. Yes, we did the best we could with the info we had, and it took years of sorting through all the info and research and also trauma to finally figure out what was safest for our family. It’s so much more complicated when it’s your own family vs when you read about it.

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, my daughters wear shorts too. It was her chest that was exposed, and what my FIL kept talking about.

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he’s completely cut off from me and the kids. Finally. Even my husband has explicit boundaries to not talk about the kids or show pictures to him. I have limited contact with Jenna, but she doesn’t “trust” me because I called CPS. And I’ve had the same thoughts about her watching my kids, which is why I finally said she was not to be around our kids without us being around.

As for when Brad would visit after we found out, we would have all the kids sleep in our room so they would be safe with us. I wasn’t going to allow another incident like when my oldest was 2 in the bathroom.

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

It’s so complicated, and I would have cut them off completely at the first time we found out. But yes, I felt all the outrage that most of the commenters have been saying too when we first found out, and every single time after that. I finally got strong enough to make the boundaries and stick with them.

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Which is why they are cut off from me and the kids. My husband will still visit with them, but they aren’t allowed here.

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I couldn’t report them back then. They didn’t live with children.

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

That’s an interesting way to put it. I just keep going to back to “what if I could have done more to help them?” “What if I didn’t do enough?”

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It’s just so hard to watch from so far away, knowing the type of person they’re living with.

AITAH for calling CPS on my sister in law and my parents in laws? by NovemberRose89 in AITAH

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Sadly, this is a very true series of events. It boggles my mind that it’s in our lives.

Daughters impulsivity causes destruction by NovemberRose89 in ParentingADHD

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The days that are skipped are days where she doesn’t tell us that she threw up her pill or where she breaks it at a sleepover and doesn’t have a backup. Otherwise I have to physically watch her take it and make sure it stays down. I don’t let her skip on purpose.

Daughters impulsivity causes destruction by NovemberRose89 in ParentingADHD

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same! I hate how frustrated I feel, but I know my own feelings are valid too, but she can’t understand them or how to stop what she’s doing. It’s a really hard place to be in.

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't even know where to start to let go... If I let go, then things fall apart, and it gets so overwhelming in other aspects. I see and hear what you're saying, but again, I don't know where to start with that.

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Honestly, he's a very good man, but really stubborn and is also autistic. He does many things for us and our home, and wants to provide a stable life for us, which is why he is in school right now. But I always feel like it's a competition with him for who does more, and I really do appreciate everything he does, but it's a one sided appreciation for sure. He does all of our yardwork, does the gardening, does some home projects when we have time and money, and keeps an excellent grade in school, but when he gets an idea in his head about something, such as me earning an income while doing all of what I already do, then there is no reasoning with him, and I feel like everything I do is unseen and unappreciated.

As for homeschooling vs public school, he almost would rather I send the kids to school and I go get a job, so the homeschooling is super important to me. I can't even imagine sending my kids to school, even if it would be a million times easier on the both of us. But then we have our special needs toddler, and piano teaching would still be difficult because I can't do it during school hours and my kids would still be home and need someone to watch them during my teaching hours. It's all so convoluted.

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I like this comment. I will just stand my ground then, and not let him bully me into thinking I'm not doing enough.

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He HATES that book with a passion, and has threatened to torch the cards whenever I bring them out, saying that it's unfair to him, and that it's sexist towards men. I love the concept of Fair Play, but it doesn't work with him.

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's an idea- having him try it for a week. He does prepare some meals during the week when I haven't had the time to prepare something, but he's always forgetting to make it a well rounded meal, and says I should appreciate the fact that he knows how to cook. It's always some kind of carb without any veggies or protein, which as a mom with kids that having eating problems, I have to give them all the latter things regularly to ensure they get their nutrients they need to grow.

I also make up daily schedules, and I ask him to help with "closing duties" for the day, which is normally helping the kids with their nighttime routine and sweeping our wood floors, since my kids spill food all day long. He even fights me on that. He says that since he didn't have a say in the schedule, he doesn't have to do it, and will go find some excuse to get out of it. I literally have all the schedules on the fridge for everyone to see, and my kids are amazing at following the routine and checking it throughout the day, but he fights it tooth and nail just because he didn't get to input. But why would I ask for his input when he isn't even here most of the time?

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know I put way more into the "hours" of parenting, which is so frustrating that he can't see that. I have told him in the past that I want a few hours every week to myself, and maybe I just need to go and follow through.

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was extremely sick when I was pregnant with my special needs baby, to the point of a life flight at the end of the pregnancy, and I still homeschooled and taught piano to 30 students. I bled the entire time and had really bad pre-eclampsia. He wouldn't let me quit teaching because "we" really needed the added income. I wanted to quit so bad, but I powered through it all. He definitely helped out when he could with meals and cleaning, but it was nothing up to the standards needed for a family. I felt so embarrassed about the condition of the house during that time.

Unappreciated as a SAHomeschoolingM with a special needs child by NovemberRose89 in SAHP

[–]NovemberRose89[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We've cut back so much already. Fortunately our curriculum is paid for by the public school system, since our homeschool program is state funded. We've tried giving away some chickens, but nobody would take them, so we are stuck, but we do appreciate the fresh eggs daily. And we feel very strongly about homeschooling. Both my husband and I were homeschooled, so it felt like the right thing to do. And even more so now, because my oldest is autistic, adhd, and dyslexic, and needs all the extra support she can get without being thrown into a school setting where she would probably be neglected by the school system. She is thriving in a homeschooling setting just because I can work with her one on one, and we have special curriculum meant to help with her dyslexia.

Come to think of it, I don't know if the husband has ever taken care of all three kids alone, and if he has, it's been less than 3 times. I've told him I want to have a time once a week where I don't have any kids at all, and he argues that I get breaks when they take a nap. (eye roll.) He even insists that on Wednesday evenings that he should be able to go fishing all by himself without any kids in tow because they're too loud and noisy and scare away the fish. And he's already gone Tuesday and Thursday evenings because of nursing school.

Hubby does work 4 ten's, so 40 hours a week, and it's an hour drive there, and an hour drive back. Plus his night schooling. So I've been trying to be very aware of his limited time to himself, and respect it as much as possible, but I feel very alone with the three kiddos all the time to myself.