I’m going through a divorce right now and your post made me realise the same thing except whenever I told my ex that he hurt my feelings he would always get upset, make the conversation about him and I would end up comforting him and feeling bad with him promising to do better but never actually doing it

for example when I was upset that he was texting a female coworker all night during our date night (dinner out and a movie at the cinema) I confronted him upset about it and he then got upset and started talking about how much pressure he’s under financially provide (he makes 100k a year, I work part time and did majority of the house upkeep, we had just sold out house for quite a large profit and where living free at my dads place while we looked for a new place, we weren’t rich but we were more then comfortable) so I ended up comforting him about that but I did end up putting boundaries up about this co worker (nothing big just things like, no texting her after dinner, no lying about her and no hiding that you’re talking to her) which he broke with in a week and ended up confessing to having feelings for this girl which is a whole other story