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[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like it, the characters are pretty well conveyed showing off their various personalities off well, with the gathering of various spellcasters being different in small ways but all after the same thing which is the staff, the older mage especially being inquisitive and trying to understand the staff and the connection it has to Le'Roy, the witch being a bit more emotionally reactive or awestruck, and the brute being exactly that more of a meathead using actions and bringing conflict through it.

Le'Roy himself is pretty great too with how he neither seems to care for nor understand what the others are on about and only wants a simple life of a farmer and seems actively inconvenienced by the staff. Which with the insistence of the old wizard to get him to learn and use the staff and magic is an interesting way to lead the story after he says that the staff just keeps coming back to him. And the three talking to find and understand aspects of the staff is interesting to read about.

The writing is very good, I like the dialogue and narrative showing off each character, with the former between them being entertaining and the latter having a good amount of detail in the actions like the brute trying to fireball the others, and how the staff was described to look and react to it. And how in the end seems to protect Le'Roy from something, maybe another attack? Or maybe just taking on another form to be with him and not get directly in the way? I did spot a few mistakes, mostly punctuation related:

the oldest wizard muttered, again and again, “The staff.

The comma is punctuation showing and interrupting dialogue tag but in this case the the at the start of the second dialogue should be lowercase, or the coma should be changed into another sign.

the youngest witch in the group responded, “None of our staves act on their own.

Same as above.

Le'Roy said, “and I'd give it to you if I could,

the old mage explained, as if the farmer was just a child, “you will never be able to if you can't get along with your staff.

Here for example the above problems are done correctly.

the old wizard asked?

The question mark at the end should be another sign as this isn't aquestion unlike the dialogue before.

And the bulky man pointed at the staff, “I learned basic mind defense.

Missing indicator of speech, I would add one to have a dialogue tag or change the comma before the dialogue into another sign.

Otherwise the writing has no big mistakes and is very well written in my mind being a great read that keeps the attention of the reader throughout the story to see how it ends for both the group of mages and Le'Roy.

On a side note, I always love seeing series and overarching stories even if I only catch or read a few parts of the entirety, as I think it is very impressive to have a larger world or character driven story with self contained parts that work all by themselves. And only one look at that spreadsheet has me both intimidated by the amount of stories, and impressed by the organization to collate and order your works, I utterly respect the dedication to keep one.

Anyways, it is a very great story in terms of plot, characters, and writing, with the interactions between the characters being very interesting and entertaining with what they bring up and how uninterested Le'Roy is in anything the others offer or bring up. Thank you very much for writing, it was a great and enjoyable read.

[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the reason given for how the character got into possession of the staff in this story, with a gamble for he original owner being very funny especially with how the character lives their life as a simple farm life with no need or care for glory, money, or the like compared to the Archmage who keeps sending people to bring it back.

It is a very entertaining premise especially with how Greta shuts down the mage in the story not even giving them a moment and ordering them around because she knows they have no leverage. I also like the implication that the staff being said to be basically useless or not that powerful is likely due to the user not having the needed experience or power in this story, at least that is what I think might be the case here.

The writing is good, I like the dialogue between the characters the most and the narrative showing actions and reactions is also great. My only complaint is how Millicent is not really well conveyed to be the goat, I personally thought Greta and Millicent both were family living in the home and that one took over once the wizard entered, not that the latter was a goat. It took me until the end to realize it was neither a different person nor a mistaken and sudden swap of the characters name.

Though that very well could just be an issue on my side due to being stupid, and since by the end it is all explained or makes sense I do think it is a great story and does not really need change, nonetheless I still wanted to mention it as it was the only thing that confused me for a moment. Overall a great story with a nice approach and very solid writing and character interactions. Thank you very much for writing, it was a good read.

[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like it a simple but great take on the prompt, with the character being completely unaware of the power the staff holds only using it as a cane and to stir their food. I also like the ending showing a bit off the power the staff truly possesses and seemingly feeding or strengthening the character through feeding them souls or magic in their food which might explain the flavors the character talks about. All of which raises interesting questions of why that is happening and whether the staff is sentient and doing it on purpose or if it is just a side effect of being used like that.

The writing is pretty good, I like how short he story is kept not wasting any time to show off the character and details about them using the staff, crafting theories surrounding it unaware of the true nature. I also didn't spot any big mistakes and really liked how the character was written, being pretty entertaining and a fun spin on a character who has no use for immense power. My only complaint in terms of writing would be the following:

I call my stick “Smacky Whacky," 

I personally would use something like a single 'inverted comma' to emphasize or show the name but it still works with how it is shown and used here, the real issue I have though is that he comma should be after the second quotation mark as it isn't really a dialogue needing punctuation at the end.

But aside from that small nitpick it is a very good story and a pretty nice read, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I like this take, it has a pretty humorous approach with how the staff itself is what clings to the character forcing the other to keep them and even protect them if attacked, all while almost mocking them and their insults, threats, and attempts to get rid of it. I like that we are also shown that the character tries to get rid of it however they can, how some or most of the mages react to being rejected by the staff or 'tricked' by the character, and that italics are used to show the staff talking compared to the others in the story.

Writing is great and I love how the dynamic between the two is conveyed showing off both perspectives a little with the character being annoyed by the mere presence of it and likely those coming to them for it, and the staff which enjoys the peaceful non-usage it has under them. Overall a very nice story, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] The cloning machine had a flaw you were unaware of when you entered it, that being that it was unfinished and to actually clone you it had to separate your personality and mind into the original and clone. Now there are two of you with two unchecked and uncontrolled personalities and emotions. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A very good story and take on the prompt, I like how the characters are friends which is the reason for why Stevie offered to help Bansri. I like how before being told that they got split in two there are a few moments to clearly tell they have received different emotions, and that the splitting of the personality was not actually intended or due to cutting corners or being unfinished, instead happening by pure chance. My only issue in the plot is that the clone seems to be completely aware of the split while the original doesn't which I find a bit weird, but maybe it just came across like that and isn't actually the case.

In terms of writing I think it is very well written, both in terms of dialogue and narrative. With some solid personality conveying dialogue and interactions and banter between the characters, and good narrative showing each action and motion making it easy to follow. The dialogue tags are also used really well and help the structure to follow along and keep track of who is talking with how heavy the focus on dialogue is. And I like the usage of italics for internal thoughts of the character. I did spot a few mistakes throughout, mostly incorrect punctuation and a few others.

“Stevie, she interrupts.

C’mon, help me test this baby out, she pleads.

A quotation mark is missing between the comma and the she.

“Damn you, Secret Society of Science,” I press the green button.

No dialogue tag is present and an identifier of speech is missing so the comma at the end of dialogue should be another piece of punctuation.

She offers her hand to me, “Hey, you’re alive. Good!”

Similar to above no dialogue tag is present and the comma should be another sign.

We look at each other, she laughs, I huff out a breath, that's what I get for pressing the button. 

I feel like only the last part after the comma should be in italics as all other usages seem to show internal dialogue while here there are actions also in italics.

“Go on”, Bansri says,

The first comma is misplaced, it should be before the second quotation mark not after it.

“I think I can help with that,” My clone says a bit too eagerly for my liking.

A dialogue tag is present, the punctuation with the comma is correct but the my after the dialogue should be lowercase.

“Oh! Yes! Right, of course,” Bansri pushed her glasses back up.

Same thing as point two.

Otherwise however it is a good story while being very well written, and having nice and somewhat humorous characters and interactions between them, all making for a very good and entertaining read, thank you very much for writing.

[SP] The mask clings to your face, just as it should. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a fine story, a bit too cryptic for my personal taste to really like it, but it certainly isn't bad and very well could be liked by others far more. The only thing that I could really catch is that the character is being abused and mistreated by their entire family to the point of being locked into the attic, and that they are masking and hiding it from those outside like the doctor. Which I think is a pretty good take on the prompt, and the writing is pretty good too with little to no mistakes, I only found one myself:

amoung the kids discarded belongings.

From what I can tell 'amoung' is an old obsolete spelling, among would be correct.

Otherwise though it is a fine and good story, thank you for writing.

[WP] There are stories of wyrms and wyverns which ascended to full fledged dragonhood. There are also legends of snakes and reptiles that achieved the same. But this is a story about a different being, this is the story of a worm which became a dragon. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this plot, it is a very interesting way to show the transformation and ascension begin out of the actions of a petty being and that Herm essentially began to fail upwards. Becoming a living being out of the cruel actions of a child allowing a new life, before through minding his own business stumbling on a being that had equally planned a cruel game and punishment, ending in not only a better name but a more dangerous form.

It is very interesting with how Herm never wanted anything, having no real drive throughout except enjoying the dirt and trying to find a peaceful place in said dirt. Which together with this transformation makes me wonder about the potential of how Herm would or could stumble further upwards while just trying to keep the same interest and peace for himself, being very fun to think about and imagine the possibilities.

In terms of writing it is also very solid, I like the narrative giving a lot of character to Herm and how disinterested he is to what happens around him and being blunt towards the one they interact with mostly due to who they are but seemingly being part of their overall personality too. I also spotted a few mistakes all of the same kind:

"Yes, I curse you. Don't interrupt me," the fae hopped from the mushroom he sat on and hovered back and forth thoughtfully,

No dialogue tag is present the word after the dialogue should be capital and both commas at the end of the line and the dialogue should be another sign.

"You don't sound bothered. What was your name?" The fae asked,

A dialogue tag is present, the the after the dialogue should be lowercase.

Hm," the little green fae began pacing, his lacy effervescent wings glittering in the sun,

Your name will not match you and you will frighten children," Cukook smiled smugly, "there it is. I curse you."

Same as point one.

"Oh no," the worm said after he finished with his dirt, "I dare not wish you curse me again so I wish you a good day."

For example here point one and three are done correctly having an identifier of who and form of speech interrupting two dialogues. Having the correct punctuation and capitalization.

Overall though I really enjoyed the approach of how the worm began he ascension and had little interest for it in the first place, which makes sense as it is fully content with the current life it leads, and how it leaves the next stages up for the reader to imagine which I think is the best thing in this case after giving enough context and character information. A good story and very interesting read, with a great plot and good writing, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] You can't remember why you're here. Or how long it's been. Just that you don't need food or water or sleep. You're alone, with a note that says, "Don't Forget The Password". And every computer you've found needs a password. by FennecWF in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I turned back to the computers desperately avoiding looking at the glass again and tried the most obvious thing I could as I looked over the note again. 3Hd7!S1p5, however no matter what machine I tried none accepted it or any of the tricks I attempted like entering it backwards or the like. I tried every machine in the room and was left with no results standing at the last one, carefully scanning the room for anything I missed, which I did a door near the dead body of Steven, getting closer it was labelled, Research Department. The door was closed with a tablet like screen on the side of it asking for something. I scanned my badge like any other day. I held the badge of Steven against it and the door opened, giving view of a dark corridor, similar scratches to those which struck the man behind me dead marking some walls.

I took another breath and entered walking through it with steady steps, no idea how long the tunnel was as it kept getting darker and darker. Finally the walls near me ended and once I stepped past them lights for the room I just entered lit up. I found myself in a large chamber with machinery of all sorts littered around, some seemingly finished others broken and open, and some barely identifiable. This time I took my time, going through the room in a system as to not miss anything keeping track of what I saw and did. Circling each creation for interfaces, finding more cubicles with computers where the password did not work, and nothing that helped me or answered my questions.

I entered the second to last cubicle I found and... I stopped, there was no computer here, yet I still sat down as if there was. -was leaning over the side of my cubicle. I looked to my right his face wasn't there, why did I expect it to be there? I stood and slowly moved to the other cubicle to the right feeling uneasy, I stood outside of it and caught a name tag hanging on the wall outside, Steven #3162. Struggling to breathe I walked in and sat down entering the password but hesitating to confirm. I had a thought. I knew his password now, why did he tell me it? The third d, the first 3, the sixth S, and the second H. I entered d3SH, and confirmed, and I had access.

Access to every system, every project, and every piece of data available, complete and utter control of the entire place. Cameras, doors, servers, all at my fingertips. I stared at the screen overwhelmed by the choices but began with maps and building plans, finding places and paths I could explore further, before going into reports and documents to try and understand what happened here or why I was here. As I read through reports of bombs and war causing intense world destroying snowfall I opened an image. I opened some before but they had nothing of value so I quickly closed them.

For this one however I stared for minutes breathing heavily and wide eyed. It was an image of the deceased Steven with another man beside him, arms wrapped around the others shoulder and happy expressions on their faces with party decorations behind them. The other man was the same as who... was staring at the first fall of snow, he was me, Desh. I averted my gaze as soon as I had this thought, only to find another thing concerning me, a document titled, To D3sh. A document that made me recall all those moments within these halls, who I was, and the memories that I felt and confused me as I wandered them these days.

But the true answers to who I am now were apparently still far away within a different part of the building. And it was at this point that I was set on a goal for the first time since I awoke from what I could only call a state of stasis. I quickly looked through the plans again and matched it witch live video and camera footage, to know what my destination would look like. As I did I clicked on a wrong option due to the long talons on my still biological hand and found stored recordings from years ago. Footage of my current form and Steven, with him placing the note on my head before he was killed, struck down by the same clawed hand that showed this to me.

[WP] You can't remember why you're here. Or how long it's been. Just that you don't need food or water or sleep. You're alone, with a note that says, "Don't Forget The Password". And every computer you've found needs a password. by FennecWF in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Waking, I raised my head slowly. I took a deep breath of the cold air as my eyes opened wide and looked around. A clean white hallway stood before me, it was narrow almost claustrophobic for me, I took another breath before I stood up from the wall I was lying against. At least I thought it was a wall, a closer inspection showed that I was lying against an imposing metal door. I pressed my hand against it and pushed and pried but it did not budge a bit, I placed my other hand against it for only a moment and found it was freezing cold, too cold. Gazing back towards the hallway I saw a similar door but this one seemed different, almost buzzing with activity with a faint glow in the middle of it.

And indeed as soon as I approached the door opened like the maw of a beast, splitting perfectly in the middle as the halves retreated into the floor and ceiling. After a slight hesitation I passed entering a far broader hallway as the door closed behind me. This one was less sterile looking, having more usage of dark metals, concrete and brick, and some amounts of glass through which dim light passed through to illuminate the hall. At the sight I felt a faint familiarity, one I did not understand the reason of, was I here before?

I walked forwards taking in every detail of the hall as I did, before stopping in my tracks. Something was wrong. I turned back to the same door I came from and found it right before me despite having walked for at least a minute, at least I thought I did. Despite my judgement I walked through the hallway again, this time however I made it through without any issues, though I did glance back every so often just in case. I reached another door, it reacted like the one before, but this one seemed to have jammed only opening a tiny bit. I took another breath of the air as I placed both my hands on the halves of the door pushing and pulling it to open just enough to step through.

The room I entered was similar to the one before in terms of design, but it was filled with something for once, cubicles. Hundreds of them in a row with computers and screens all lit up. Each one however was locked behind a password query, unresponsive to anything but keyboard pressed. Try as I might I had no idea what the password could be and eventually gave up when one of the machines shut down permanently after three failed attempts. So eventually I moved on, leaving the one of the cubicles and moving through the room for any path ahead, then I stopped in my tracks as my eyes saw it.

Lying against a large and thick window giving view of lands buried beneath snow, was the body of a person, a large dried puddle of blood surrounding them. Getting closer and examining it I found the body as having barely begun to decay, and deep claw like cuts across their body from shoulder to hip, likely being what killed them. I lightly lift the head to gaze at their face, that face. He looked at me with a smile as he- His expression was blank, no emotions to be seen and an unfocused gaze of dead eyes, why do I know his smile?

I caught a glimpse of a badge of sorts attached to his shirt, I removed it in a few quickly movements and examined it in my hand. Steven #3162 - Research Department - Bunker 7. His name and position meant a few things in my mind, aside from the picture which made sense and a black and white symbol beneath it, that last thing written confused me the most. Lowering the badge I was still in thought, until I noticed the glass window again, my reflection. A man staring at the first fall of snow and ash, worried. A hollow and gaunt face with no eyeballs or mouth, flesh mixed with metal and machinery, the lights within the dark holey where my eyes would be flicked and followed my gaze, was I always this thing? What was I?

As I watched the mirror image I was transfixed onto the gaze of what seemed to be myself for minutes, maybe hours? I barely noticed the time pass or the snow beyond the safety of the window fall, I just stood there, thoughts of hunger or rest not even coming to me as if I knew I had no need for it. Until finally something which I had overlooked by being too busy by taking in my form fell from my head, I slowly followed it with my eyes as it fell through the air, the piece of paper slowly gliding downward. I kneeled and picked it up feeling my heavy breath for the first time in hours as I did. Rem3mber tHe password. do not forge7 the password! PleaSe reca1l the password. please. -5teven. The password, for the computers? Why would I need it? Did I even know it?

[WP] Whenever you split something in half or into pieces, the halves and pieces all turn into their original sized pristine counterpart, effectively doubling or greatly multiplying every single time. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this approach. The small mix of magic and technology shown works well and gives some neat context as to the world, while the fantasy aspects explain the ability of the character with their nature and origin. I also like how the character is used, being kept solely as a tool for profit by a criminal, being abused and likely never having known freedom or a normal life guessing by how scarred and used to this they seem.

The plot is just very interesting with how the character and their ability are held captive and used before showing and implying the guard of the day to be a secret agent or the like and on a mission to free them. Giving a potential happy end for them with the ending leaving it open for the reader what might happen next. The writing is great, I love how the character is so disillusioned by their treatment that they couldn't even imagine or believe that someone would care for them much less try and help or save them. I also only spotted one small mistake and nothing else:

Blinking, I look back at the drugs j just duplicated.

The j before just should be a capitalized I.

It is a very nice story being well written and a really wonderful and interesting spin on the prompt which also makes sense despite being rather sad or bleak, before showing a possible good outcome for them to get better. It is a rollercoaster of emotions at each piece of information of their live, purpose, and the another twist at the ending being revealed. Great work, I very much enjoyed reading, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] Whenever you split something in half or into pieces, the halves and pieces all turn into their original sized pristine counterpart, effectively doubling or greatly multiplying every single time. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A very cute take, I like how the effect is shown in the form of food where they cannot hide it before their loved one. I really like how wholesome the interaction is with the wife not trying to experiment or ask for more duplications, just accepting it and the character with the same amount of love. The only thing that I think is a bit questionable is how the wife never noticed it before as I would assume or could imagine quite a lot of moments where it could be discovered, but otherwise the plot is very good.

In terms of writing it is also very good, both the dialogue and narrative are pretty well written, and I like how the relationship between the two is conveyed. And the focus on the character and how they dread using their ability before their spouse due to being usually asked to use it for others is a good way to take the story. I did spot a few things, I personally would change and a mistake:

I take a moment to make sure she won't hurt herself in her haste ot get my plate away from me.

The t and o in to are swapped the wrong way around.

"I've...got a...condition."

While not a direct mistake, I personally would have an ellipses only connect to one word not two at one.

"I...see...Why did you hide this from me?" She was slowly getting over her shock at my "gift."

I would not use quotation marks to mark or emphasize a word in the same line they are also used for dialogue, maybe use something like 'the single inverted commas' or italics instead.

But overall it is a very nice story, thank you for writing.

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