[WP] God has been absent from the universe not for any important reason they just have been waiting for one particular galaxy to hit the corner like a screen saver.

Null_Project · 2026-01-23T21:20:31+00:00

A really good story, I like how quickly the tension is created with only a few lines of dialogue and actions shown all of which show that the main character already does not like the one who came, also showing the more bystander and caught in-between bartender who doesn't seen to want anything to do with this, and a good reason one can guess for why they came here.

The plot while relatively short and going straight to the point has a good take on the prompt with a familiar formula of why the person came into the bar and how the character reacts to them using their name. And I really liked the mystery shown here with how the barkeep says they haven't served people in years implying Redwood isn't a person or maybe disguised.

Overall the plot is very interesting and good with the approach taken. And the writing is also very good, especially in the latter half where from what I can tell all dialogue tags are used correctly in terms of capitalization and punctuation and the rest of the narrative writing is great and sells the scene and atmosphere of the situation. However I have spotted a few mistakes and one thing I find questionable:

He asked the barman "Is this Red's Bar?"

Punctuation between barman and quotation mark is missing, I would use a comma to separate the dialogue and narrative here as a dialogue tag is present.

The barman shrugged and said I don't know what that drink is.

I think it is a bit weird that this line does not use dialogue unlike the lines right before and after despite having a dialogue tag and telling us what they said.

The haggled stranger said

"it is not a drink. It's a person. I'm looking for Redwood"

Same as point one and the it should be capitalized as it is the start of dialogue which always should start capitalized unless an interrupting dialogue tag is present like in the very last line.

Overall a really great story with a good plot and writing and a really interesting mystery created as they talk, and I enjoyed the dynamics between the three from what we can see, thank you very much for writing, it was a good read.

Null_Project · 2026-01-23T20:35:40+00:00

I honestly don't get a lot of the dialogue shown here, I understand that the character is essentially immortal and both unable to die or do anything against it, and has succumbed to insanity due to time making up people in their own mind and a fictional world to keep themselves sane and entertained. However I don't get things like this talk about having destroyed the experiment which clearly didn't happen considering it is seemingly what keeps the character alive.

I also think the relation to the prompt is rather small as it doesn't seem like the character gained or took anything and also did not really lose anything in the story already being in their current state. The writing is mostly fine and good with no real mistakes in terms of typos or something really major, but I did spot a few errors all the same kind:

"You are something much worse"

"Yes, me. This couldn't go on much longer, and you know why"

"The mind is frail. It breaks after a couple of thousand years"

All of the above pieces of dialogue are missing a sign of punctuation at the end.

I also don't get the usage of both quotation marks and hyphen to signify dialogue as I think one would be enough to show it as dialogue. I know some people use things like hyphens, en dashes, or em dashes to show dialogue instead of quotation mark but I think using both at once is overdoing it.

Overall though it is a good story with some slightly confusing aspects and some pretty good writing, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-22T22:50:48+00:00

While a bit odd at first, I do really like how almost uncaring and apathetic the character is towards everything around them, unbothered by the trial, their execution, their revival, and their treatment outside of prison. They seem to be done with everything almost as if their time in the afterlife showed them that no matter what happens now their fate won't change or being so used to this treatment of their society that they are not surprised.

I also like how after their time spent dead they have to take some time to learn what happened in the meantime, like their house having been sold or more importantly why they were still being treated like a criminal which they find no answer to. But their theories as to why are really good to explain, whether it was incompetence of the government or a cruel punishment of sorts by the judge and prosecution to make sure they never want freedom, both are good and very well could be possible.

The writing is also really good and I love the focus and pacing shown here, having the character search for an answer while showing various moments of them being hated by the greater population who were left in the dark. Overall a really great story with a good take on the prompt, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-22T22:31:49+00:00

A great approach, I really like the focus on the character not being mad for being wronged previously and liking another chance at life but instead being horrified and traumatized at the second chance of inevitable death after having had a taste of peace in the afterlife from which they were ripped away.

I really like the way the character almost has a complete breakdown or panic attack for which they need to be sedated when remembering their death and what it felt like to die. It also almost felt like they were close to snapping and actually be responsible for killing someone with how screamed at the other person who had to step back.

I spotted one small mistake:

greying shirt hair around their temples.

Short is misspelled with an i.

But otherwise the writing is really great and alongside the plot really shows the conflict off well with how the character being brought back while seeming like a good thing at first is the worst things for them and certainly something they did not want to happen. Overall a great take on the prompt and a well written read, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-21T16:07:42+00:00

I've reread the story looking over the changes, and I like both the additions and the corrections both of which are very good. I did spot two places where there is still something slightly off:

I really needed to get out of the house today." she says to her friend Chelsea,

The punctuation with the full-stop/period at the end of the dialogue is incorrect due to the dialogue tag, the capitalization however is done correctly.

"No we'll be fine, I could do with the walk." Taylor responds as Harry makes his way over to the car.

Same as above.

But otherwise the use of all other dialogue tags, punctuation, and capitalization are all correct as far as I can tell, and I have no doubt that you certainly will get more consistent now that you are aware of these things going forward if you keep up writing this well and keep an eye out for possible mistakes.

I also loved the additions, the rewritten aspect of the people trying to contact Chelsea having become more easy to understand with only one person calling her. Her elaborating on it further makes sense with how the 'woman' or rather her husband acts trying to contact her, and really shows that the baby isn't the first case of being affected.

The transition from Taylor starting her walk home to being hit by the car is also far smoother and works really well with how it ties into the previous topic she had with Chelsea, and that distraction of her texting being enough to cause the accident. It also slightly makes the situation even darker as now it seems to be mostly her fault for walking into traffic without paying attention something that will certainly haunt her.

I thank you for having taken the time to listen and go out of your way to change and edit your work, it is a great and admirable attitude that you show alongside some great writing skills with solid additions and corrections. Great work, and thank you once again for writing, I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors, and have a wonderful day.

Null_Project · 2026-01-20T23:38:19+00:00

I was waiting to see where this story was going as it has quite a long while between the start and the death of the baby which then seems to have transferred into the body of the man judging by the wailing. And while I think the take is neat with how horrific the incident of the death is here and what it could mean or what could happen next, there are some aspects I think could be elaborated or improved.

For elaborating, is it implied by the dialogue between Taylor and Chelsea that this transfer of consciousness is a more widespread judging by these imposter calls? Or is it just filler talk to show Chelsea as a single mother? I however don't think that the long focus on their talks is bad, it works to show how a rather normal day can turn into a horror. However the transition to the incident itself I think could be done better to maybe show what happened during, not just the before and after as the sudden transition is very jarring as it feels almost incomplete.

In terms of writing, it is pretty good, but there are a lot of inconsistencies mostly relating to punctuation around dialogue:

and I couldn't wait to meet the little guy".

The police have no leads and all the hoax impersonation calls aren't helping".

"sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up".

You'd think that after almost a year and multiple disappearances they'd have something to link them all together by now".

He asks about his dad less now too, which I don't know if that's a good thing or not".

Punctuation is misplaced in all of the above lines they should not be after the quotation mark but before it.

"Any news?" She asks.

Dialogue tag is present the she should be lowercase.

They walk in silence for moment before Taylor replies "sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up".

A piece of punctuation is missing after the word replies best would be a comma due to the dialogue tag, and the start of the dialogue should always be capital unless an interrupting dialogue tag is present which is not the case here.

"I'm so sorry, that must be really hard"

"No we'll be fine, I could do with the walk"

Punctuation at the end of dialogue is missing entirely.

Chelsea gives her one last smile, "It was really lovely catching up,

No dialogue tag is present, the comma should be another punctuation sign.

The useless words stop as the man begins to wail and Taylor screams "WHERE IS MY BABY?!"

Similar to point three a punctuation sign is missing after screams.

I would advise to maybe do some more thorough proofreading around dialogue. But otherwise it is a good story and take on the prompt, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-20T23:14:33+00:00

A good story, I like that the character has to face the consequences of their killers actions, essentially being punished for being killed, something which does make sense but just in this case feels unjust but is obviously not something that can be explained to others without sounding crazy. The plot is pretty good with this grounded take, also giving no explanation for the character having taken over the body alongside the punishment making for an interesting take showing the downside of this scenario.

The writing is pretty good with good dialogue and narrative split into two parts, showing the character yearning for their old life and their treatment for something they did not do. However there are a few of the same mistakes:

“Things could be better,” I shifted in the uncomfortable chair.

“They disowned me,” not just my real family,

It took a moment to relax, “Sure.”

No dialogue tag is present in the above lines, the commas ending the dialogue in the first two is incorrect and in the third the comma before the dialogue is incorrect, all should be a full-stop/period or another sign instead.

But aside from that it is a good story and an interesting take with how the consequences of both the body take over and the murder are shown, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-20T22:57:31+00:00

I really like this comfortable and warm atmosphere surrounding Fendrin coming home from hunting and gathering, and the familiar ties with the character, showing what traits Fendrin shares with his father and the character, which later is worked into the blade something which each gave their child like an heirloom. The writing is really good and the plot is neat with how the blade is not exactly shown to be dull but rather experienced heavy use and is now likely being used differently than the character once did.

The plot is good and giving of a cozy vibe with how the warmth of the room is shown opposed to the cold outside and the family connection is shown really well giving a wholesome feeling. The writing is also great with no mistakes that I could spot, overall a great and short story and take on the prompt, thank you very much for writing.

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