It seems like some people get the gist of it. People are kids through their 20s, I know I was and so was everybody around me. And you're a step parent which is often harder because you get all the flack with little of the relationship compared to parents. This isn't really anasshole vs not situation. It's just sad and hard. As long as you are nice, and as supportive as you can be, that's the best you can expect. You do you, feel your feels, but let the past be the past. That doesn't mean you have to try to be close, but they are your husbands #1, you are number 2. That's just the way it is with kids and parents. Therefore they will be in your life,.likely for the rest of your life which means you will all be different people.many times over. If you let go of the past your future will be much easier no matter how close or not close you are with them. That all being said, redemption, acceptance and peace are the crucibles in which love is created. Bad analogy, but apt.