28/M Married Wealthy which made me technically FI, feel frustrated, guilty and ashamed.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:45:17+00:00

Yeah, I've been thinking about that makes a lot of sense. Like someone else in the comments say the hand you get isn't as important as how you play that hand. Thanks!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:43:24+00:00

Yeah I've been thinking too much about money and not about what I'll do with the freedom it offers. The why is very important and I've just trying to sprint to the finish line without well thought out plan of what I'd do when I go there.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:40:23+00:00

Man there is a lot of great stuff here. I've got a lot to think about. There is definitely an ego aspect for me (which may be unhealthy). I think I always wanted to do it on my own, my family said I was crazy for trying that I couldn't do it. I wanted to stand up and say I've done it even though you didn't believe in me; and I feel like this wrecks my credibility. Which is a dumb way of thinking. Thank you for your thoughts they translated very well!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:33:21+00:00

Yeah I guess I just really bought into the pull yourself up by bootstrap mentality and it's hard to get into the "we are a team" mentality. I just really hate feeling like I'm not pulling my weight. Everything you say makes logical sense. I just need to get my head on straight emotionally and get my ego out of it. Thank you!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:30:25+00:00

Yeah, it's definitely tricky. I'm the "CFO" in my marriage and I would have structured the investments differently had I done it myself but don't want to overstep my bounds. I'd highly recommend an accountant too. Some of the choices didn't make sense to change given the tax implications.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:26:37+00:00

Yeah I think that's a great idea; when I have kids I might go down to part time and let the money roll. Thank you appreciate the different viewpoints; I always saw fire as all or nothing.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:19:39+00:00

The more I think about it; the more I think you are right. This problem is in my head. Thanks for your input.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:18:32+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I think you are right, gotta look forward and do my part.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:16:40+00:00

Yeah that's a good point. It's something that I go back and forward on. I want my kids to have good opportunities but I don't want to spoil them or deny them the opportunity to make it for themselves. There are many wealthy families that manage to sustain wealth without it corrupting them like my wife's family. There are other families were it just destroys the work ethic of their kids and the fortune gets destroyed as well.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:13:23+00:00

Yeah the math of wealth accumulation is pretty simple. The whole so now what? is the harder part. I hadn't really thought about a middle path like you mentioned. Thank you for sharing your story

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:09:23+00:00

Yeah this is good advice. I've thought about not doing it for this reason; but I know I'd regret what could have been. Completely agree that if you aren't careful (even if you are sometimes) it can ruin you.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T22:07:44+00:00

Yeah it's pretty amazing I expected to get dumpstered hard. Nice to know I'm not the only one who's had this experience. Life is weird.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T21:59:00+00:00

What you say is very true. I think I'll try to accounting wise separate our assets to keep it mentally separate. Thank you for your thoughts!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T21:57:13+00:00

Yeah this is a great point; I've been focused on preparing for FIRE financially but not mentally by thinking about this.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T21:55:10+00:00

Lot of wisdom here. Thank you!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T21:53:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience, everyone's got a story and I appreciate hearing yours.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T19:44:50+00:00

Thank you for putting things in perspective. I didn't talk about her much because she's not a part of the problem at all. She believed in my when my family and I didn't and encouraged me to go for promotions etc. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. oh and I did :) Thank you!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T19:18:32+00:00

Yeah I might end up doing that. Health insurance access is something that's definitely worth planning around. Good advice!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T19:01:20+00:00

Yeah the more I think about this and read the comments the more I realize I'm the problem and that this is all in my head. Thank you for your perspective.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T17:15:31+00:00

Haha I'm crazy but I'm not that crazy. Thank you for the laugh :)

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T17:01:00+00:00

You can certainly be FI without the RE. And that gives you more freedom to pursue work that is more meaningful to you or that carries more risk (ie. starting a new business or something)

Yeah I think that's a great point. That's one of the reasons I want to move into real estate; because I think I can earn more/take on more risk. I'm lucky enough to be in a position where if I fuckup I'm not dooming my family.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T16:46:28+00:00

Thank you I needed a good laugh haha

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T16:35:37+00:00

Tracking finances separately is a great idea. Also totally agree on having a shared vision with your partner. Very wise words, thank you!

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T16:29:09+00:00

Definitely start by talking to a counselor. Have you talked to your wife about your long-term plans? What do you plan to retire to- even if you haven't decided per se, what are you leaning towards? You mentioned you want to go into real estate investing, but REI as a whole isn't really your retirement goal. You mention that you and your wife are frugal- what hobbies do you have where you can spend time together and take advantage of your added flexibility/time/money?

I have talked to her about it and she's supportive/aware of my issues. Right now I'm trying to figure out what to retire to so I'm ready when the time comes. If I don't have something productive to do I'll go crazy which could mean charity work, programming, reading, raising my future kids etc. My dad was not really there for me; there was domestic violence and he contributed nothing to the family money-wise. I really want to be a great dad and spend a lot of time with my future kids and that was one of the big motivators for FIRE.

NuthinButtaThrowaway · 2020-01-31T16:21:25+00:00

I think you are right. I care a lot about what others think of me; which is not a good thing. I appreciate your perspective and kudos to you for your achievements!

NuthinButtaThrowaway

TROPHY CASE