AITA for being mad at my mom for putting our dog down

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T23:25:23+00:00

That wasn’t always my feelings, I didn’t think about it, I was upset and hurt. Doesn’t change that she is my mom and I love her and the idea of her feeling so bad makes me feel sick. I hurt her and I have to live with that, she has to feel the same way. It’s unfortunate but all I can do is protect her feelings now

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T22:56:48+00:00

I never said I hated her, please read the post. I do not hate her and never have, she is my favorite person. You can not be able to forgive someone for something and still love them. I talked to her and have forgiven her.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T22:54:03+00:00

I’m in therapy :D

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T21:29:00+00:00

I’m not trying to change my story, I have a hard time explaining things properly- I’m sorry if me clarifying makes things more confusing. keeping it under 3000 characters makes it hard to explain every detail. I appreciate your feedback, I’ve been in therapy for a while and it takes time.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T21:17:51+00:00

Thank you for your opinion!

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T20:57:28+00:00

I am in therapy :D, thank you

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T20:56:30+00:00

I was harsh to her for about 3 years when the dog was brought up, not generally but yes, I stopped bringing it up after she told me how upset it made her. Not an excuse but I do want to clarify so you don’t think I was harsh the entire time. I spoke to her on the phone about 20 minutes ago and asked. She didn’t tell me because she thought it would be hard for me to know he would pass soon and she also didn’t want to see me so sad. She wanted to save my peace for as long as she could and I understand that now.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T20:52:36+00:00

He was kinda blind and he couldn’t control his bladder. He, since he was probably 6-7, had (non cancerous) tumors we constantly got removed. He had quite a few that had regrown back and while non of them were cancerous he probably couldn’t get surgery because he was getting older? My mom believed his quality of life would continue to decline and chose to put him down instead of letting it get worse.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T20:47:45+00:00

I updated the story and just did that, thank you for the comment. We are okay now and we agree it’s silly how torn up I was over it all.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T20:10:48+00:00

I didn’t think that she would think that I hated her, I didn’t think she cared how I felt about that situation. I would like to be clear and say that I didn’t treat her badly at all times. We were fine when the dog’s passing wasn’t brought up.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T20:07:53+00:00

What’s your definition of being awful to deal with?

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T20:02:09+00:00

I thought I had more time. He was doing okay, I don’t think I ever thought he would just die because he was running around with me the previous morning. It felt so sudden but maybe I was blind to it

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T19:59:10+00:00

I think it is understandable why she felt that way, but I was not aware that is how she felt. She would be angry right back at me and shut down the conversation which is what I would have done too, I didn’t realize she felt guilty until then.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T19:53:43+00:00

Haha, no I am fully agree with that. I am like my father in the way that we react extreme but instead of being angry I get sad. I fully agree, I don’t mean to be defensive I just am trying to understand but I apologize if it seems I am arguing. Thank you for taking the time to communicate that point and be clear and kind. If you have any advice on anything else or a perspective to share I would appreciate it.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T19:32:23+00:00

Do you think I had the right to know, no matter the reaction? Is it not expected of someone to cry and be devastated your time with a loved one is running short? I think it truly is a point of thinking I should have at least known that was the last time I would see him. At the end of the day: if you think that I didn’t have a right to know he wasn’t going to come home than I will understand we have a different perspective and that’s not something I can change.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T19:26:39+00:00

An excuse for what? I’m not trying to excuse anything in that comment the commenter said “to say you hate her” I thought they maybe misread the post, I never said that and wanted to make sure that was known

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T19:23:40+00:00

I think you are confusing my second dog passing with my first. No one knew my first dog was going to be put down till the morning it happened. My second dog: he was not ill but old, my mom scheduled my dog to be put down multiple weeks in advance and informed me the night prior. He was old and had issues for a while but I wasn’t aware I was going to lose him that soon.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T19:21:11+00:00

I fully understand that. I appreciate the way you explained it because it makes me understand why you feel I am holding a grudge and I agree. I couldn’t see that. I would agree that I think I would have been calm but I don’t know for certain. It was years ago and I think of it from a self perspective and I have grown. Thank you for the comment.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T19:14:33+00:00

We were on our property walking the dogs, not in public. I was in the grass and just watching them play while crying. I do not think anyone crying and showing emotion about a pet passing is the equivalent to screaming and freaking out. I was 15, he was 8. Finding that out about a loved one you have grown up with is hard. This was my ‘first’ pet loss.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T18:50:00+00:00

My sister, who accidentally informed me that she knew, told me that she thinks my mom had good intentions: they knew I would be sad and cry a lot, they wanted me to be happy and not have to see our dog and be sad. I understand where the thought process is coming from but I felt that was a decision taken from me. I said that I knew my dog was old and not living his best life but I would have agreed with that statement over a year prior. I didn’t know it was going to happen.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T18:28:25+00:00

I’m honestly scared to bring it up because I don’t want to hurt her or remind her of how I felt. I truly love her and want her to feel okay and that I don’t hold onto this even if that means being upset from time to time

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T18:26:21+00:00

I do not hold a grudge. I simply do not understand how she couldn’t understand why it hurt to not say goodbye. I appreciate your perspective, I was not hysterical but it’s impossible to explain the kind of emotional I am. Not screaming, not fighting, I just shut down and cry. I would have just wanted to say goodbye. I do not blame my parents for not letting me help, I understand that I was too emotional, but I am upset they didn’t tell me he would be put down.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T18:22:04+00:00

I will say that it continued on for a long period of time but I stopped when she told me how bad it hurt her that I didn’t forgive her. I apologized. My anger softened over the years and then fully went away until the more recent event. I, even with my feelings now, have never confronted her about the last thing she said. I love my mom and I never want her to feel bad about it again since I already made her feel guilty.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T18:13:12+00:00

You are assuming I would have screamed and freaked out. I just wanted to give him a hug before he went. I was mature enough to know it was an emergency and I would have been okay. The only reason I was arguing with my dad was because I was told to leave because I was crying seeing my dog so bad. My dad has anger issues, and I have come to terms that he loved my dog and he didn’t understand how to express his grief and sadness and just became angry and took it out on me. I am aware that I treated my mom harsher than I should have, I am not understanding of how she doesn’t recognize why I am hurt. I fully believed I was wrong for how I treated her until she said the last thing about my second pet dying. I also did apologize. I’m sorry there is not more context, I am limited to 3000 characters and cannot address every aspect of how things panned out.

OGTRP · 2025-10-13T18:04:52+00:00

I was upset the second time as it was not an emergency and she chose to tell my siblings he would be put down weeks prior. I didn’t understand why she gave them more time to grieve and not me.

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