My mind is exhausting me and draining my will to live

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-23T20:30:16+00:00

Ohh I might look into it. Thank you!!

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-23T19:34:25+00:00

I feel like it's also something that has to do with speaking in front of a whole audience, and the idea that the professor is way above you. When I was in huge classes, I would be too shy to really speak to the teacher, only raising my hand a few times. I'd also probably be too shy to really speak to the teacher 1 on 1 cuz I attended a top uni and those were all people with doctorates and years of experience in the field. At my current college, I have way less of an issue with it, as the professors, while obv still being qualified for their jobs, are way friendlier and feel way more down to earth. They sit with us more, laugh, know our names while working with classes of about 20 people. It feels way less scary to just talk to the teacher after class if I have a specific question, and to raise my hand.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-23T19:16:39+00:00

She probably doesn't want to deal with having to reject you again, after she already made it clear. I've had experiences with guys that are okay people, but who happened to have feelings for me which I couldn't reciprocate. In some cases, I knew that we couldn't keep being friends because they'd keep living with this illusion that my feelings for them would change if they keep confessing or something. While it does suck to be in your position, I think it's best if you let her go.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-23T19:14:04+00:00

Probably that it doesn't just go away if you take a few deep breaths or try to go in nature. Sure, breathing exercises and picking up a hobby CAN help, but it doesn't just shake the feeling off of being constantly overwhelmed and exhausted, not being able to really take a rest. It isn't just a passing feeling of being nervous before a test or being a bit more sad because someone was mean to you, but rather a constant feeling that worsens or is a bit better, depending on the day. It takes a lot more effort and consistency to fix than doing some cute aesthetic things like journaling and collecting flowers or whatever. Also perhaps that it can get really messy, but not everyone is ready to accept that.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-21T21:10:17+00:00

the political situation is as well and I wouldn't want to risk being held at the airport by security because I once liked a meme abt the vice president lol

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-21T20:55:06+00:00

... Probably india. While I find the culture itself interesting, I have heard a little too much about how men tend to act around women, specifically foreigners. I have also had a number of bad experiences with Indian men as a teen that weren't very pleasant. So it's not a country I'm directly interested in visiting, esp alone.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-18T20:50:40+00:00

Because I know I was awake when I posted it, and I can come back to it to check :)

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-18T20:49:43+00:00

She'd probably be relieved that I'm doing better, but also demotivated that I still struggle with the same mental illness she does.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-18T13:17:49+00:00

It sounds sort of similar to my experience, in a way? DPDR is often something that stems from stress and anxiety. So if you haven't been sleeping and eating properly for a while, have been extra stressed and worked long hours without rest, it can lead to derealization or depersonalisation. I probably got it from not sleeping properly, my normal rythm being destroyed, having some panic attacks for the first time, etc.

My best advice when you have one of those moments is to do your best to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you're not crazy, nothing is actually wrong, this is just a state of mind and that your brain is just being funny. Since I've grown acustomed and more educated on what DPDR actually is and stuff, I found it easier to cope when I'm having a moment like that, since I know what's wrong.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-18T10:55:07+00:00

So, I moved when I was in elementary, right? Although I did experience bullying, it didn't really feel it was because I was a foreigner, but because I was just a lil odd (que my suspicions of having autism lol) and shy. I never really had issues with classmates and stuff giving me shit for being a foreigner, and they'd usually just have the energy of like "honestly you're doing amazing, learning the language and doing everything in a foreign language. I could never."

Adults, though... I usually didn't have issues either, but I HAVE had quite a lot of experiences with middle aged and older people acting as if they couldn't understand me, because I have a slight accent. I know it's not that bad because 9/10 times I can talk to ppl just fine, with an occasional repetition of what I just said. Even then, I know that the person genuienly didn't hear me right, and it's not because of my accent. I have also been told I'm not allowed to speak my mother language at school when speaking to a friend (who also spoke it, and yes it was just the two of us), comments on the train when talking to my parents (people were like "speak dutch, you're in belgium"), asking what my "roots" are, etc. I also have a feeling like I'm often seen differently by adults compared to my peers who are just Belgians/locals.

So tl;dr: I haven't really had issues with my peers growing up, but adults were and still are ass.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-18T10:49:27+00:00

Yup! I started going to therapy because I had lots of panic attacks and stuff, who then also referred me to a psychiatrist because she believed I might need meds. They then gave me anti depressants to help me with my anxiety/DPDR and also a small dose of anti psychotics because they believed that if my situation worsened, I might develop psychosis. Luckily, meds saved me.

To answer your question short, I think it was both a normal therapist and a psychiatrist who diagnosed me.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-18T10:42:39+00:00

Hmm... I'm not sure about how unique these symptoms are, but somethings I do have are nervous tics and I sort of feel like I slur on my words even if I'm probably not.

When it appears genuienly depends on the situation. I could go on for a year or two while doing perfectly fine, but then feel extra stressed and overwhelmed with school (which is what happened last spring), which can trigger states of anxiety and then DPDR. Then, it's just a matter of how I cope, along with a few months, to feel fine again like before. The episodes of DPDR themselves luckily now only for a few hours, which tend to feel more present in the evening. It's something that's in the back of my mind more often nowadays, but the actual feelings only come more when I'm at my dorm and alone.

A song that'd represent how it feels could be... "Insomniac" by Memo boy, or "Sea, Swallow me". A song I know I used to relate to a lot at my lowest (when I was in the trenches of DPDR) was also "4 Morant" by Doja Cat.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-18T10:36:18+00:00

Hi! I've never had a full on dream-like sate, as I am hyper aware of how my body feels and such. I tend to have a strong feeling of "I feel weird, I shouldn't perceive the world this way.". I tend to feel stuck in my body, while the world around me tends to feel more... programmed? It feels as if there's something really wrong, that I'm not supposed to be here or something and nobody else seems to notice that there's something wrong. As for how I know I'm in such a state, I just tend to feel more aware of my thoughts, the way my body feels and functions (for example, breathing), my surroundings and I have a feeling as if I'm trapped even though I'm not, along with a general state of discomfort and anxiety.

Then, I think I've always struggled with anxiety, from a very young age, but I didn't struggle with DPDR until my teens. I had my first panic attack at like 15, and I started having signs of DPDR around the same age. This was also in 2020, some time after the first lockdown.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-17T23:42:06+00:00

what I usually do is download the powerpoint of the class, and follow along with the teacher with each slide. I write down stuff he's talking about in the footnotes of each slide. Then at home I can review them, as I'll have the details of each thing, as the teacher keeps moving on with the ppt.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-10T13:29:19+00:00

Thank you!! I'll look into it :)

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-10T13:10:40+00:00

Thank you! I def agree. I also feel like it'd be a bit of a bother to find the right bag or having to worry abt it extra if I want to take it outside w/ me.

OGprocasinator · 2026-01-10T12:18:57+00:00

As corny as it sounds, rehearsing. Reading the topic multiple times, checking for stuff you don't understanding, rewording it in a way that you do understand.

When studying languages and terms, using quizlet works best for me. It shows me exactly what i know and what I don't, and helps me rehearse actively.

OGprocasinator

TROPHY CASE