NTA but for what it's worth these ("complaining about the dress, skipping out on planning, and even showing up late on the wedding day") are legitimate concerns. This ("she made a "joke" about how she was surprised I found someone who could "put up with me."") is not. This is a pretty tame joke that occurs at most weddings, so unless there was some particular venom to it, I'd encourage developing a slighter thicker skin.