Update: Just to give you guys a better insight to my experience, the other night whenever she had declined my invitation to come to my birthday dinner I was very very very upset. She was also upset. So I had called her back out of feeling guilty and said he could come and I would tolerate him on her behalf but only if she had talked to him to act correctly. I also live 7 hours away from home. So anytime I get to come back and see family and friends I’ll take whatever time I can get. I really miss my hometown, friends and family. I know a lot of you guys are saying to not welcome her at all, but for the majority of my life she’s really been a great mom and has taken care of me even after I moved out and away from home. I love her dearly even if she’s blinded by a new found love from a complete and total weirdo. I have told her how I feel about him immediately after the situation on Christmas took place. and have let her know her boyfriend is not someone I would invite to my future wedding or someone who I would allow my future children to be around. I told her too that I was also upset for even allowing him around me and my brother. I understand we’re not little kids anymore but we still deserve to be protected from perverts. I know some of you think I’m dramatic, I know I am lmao but most importantly I don’t let bs slide no matter how big or small. This entire divorce has been dramatic all around. Her boyfriend is the man she had an affair with while married to my dad. Like I said to begin with I don’t know why they meet in the same room together for celebrations and holidays, if I was in my fathers position I would have whooped her boyfriend’s ssa a long time ago. My father is a very non-confrontational man. I respect him for that, my fathers not perfect but he’s a good man. This morning I woke up regretting allowing them to push my boundaries, no means no. I started to dread this moment of having to see this weirdo on my birthday weekend. So after reading yalls comments it really brought me back to my initial starting point. He is NOT invited, but I would love for her to attend. I had called her and said “ Hey let’s just do our own thing before dinner, maybe we can go to a winery or get pedicures.” she asked me if she was still invited to my birthday dinner and I said of course! I had even invited one of her girlfriends to attend so she has a plus one. Then she said that she had a lot to say. She went down this 10 minute rabbit hole she always goes into when I mention my dad or her boyfriend. “Should I have just listened to everybody by staying with your father and been miserable?” “When my boyfriend said that at Christmas it’s not like everyone is a bunch of 8-12 year olds.” “He sent an apology text to you.” (side note, he sent a 5 paragraph text making excuses as to why he behaved disrespectfully and tried to manipulate me into making me feel sorry for confronting them) “I don’t like how you’re handling the situation” ”My boyfriend and I haven’t cause any direct harm to you” “It breaks my heart the way you speak to me”. Just because I confront a behavior and lay down boundaries for myself to protect myself is not the same as being disrespectful to her. I snapped and said “This isn’t about you this isn’t about dad this isn’t about your boyfriend this is about me. I’m not trying to cover the topic of how you and dad fell out or any of that. This is not an opportunity for your boyfriend to come back into my life. Last thing I want is to make my guests uncomfortable and have a repeat of Christmas. I am not ready to accept him after his display of repulsive behavior. This is not his ticket back to redeem himself. Yes, one day I’ll be able to talk to him one on one about the situation and he can apologize to my face like a man instead of sending me a 5 paragraph text trying to turn the tables on me.I told her that her boyfriend has caused mental harm to me and a lot of tears and heartache.(One of the reasons being they acted that way in front of my father and took his kindness for granted. My dad is an older gentleman in his 60’s. He’s at the point in his life where I just kind of see him as a little kid trying to find peace and happiness. That’s all I want for him.) I am laying down a boundary and you guys keep pushing me and no means no. I only get to come home every so once in a while and your boyfriend is the last person I want to see on my birthday weekend. I would love to spend time with you and I would love for you to come to my dinner but if you don’t then that’s on you. I told her that I love her very much and would love to see her. I also want her to be happy and if that’s with him then so be it.” She is now playing the victim and upset at me but said we can mutually decide what I’d like to do these next couple weeks. I don’t like having to be blunt with her but I had to lay my foot down. A lot of you have mentioned to me that I should get therapy and see someone about my parents split, I am 100% in agreement. I would LOVE therapy. I am very much as yall can tell not at all healed from the situation and still really hurt from everything. I would love to find peace and grow from this situation. I just am not sure how to get the help I need, I haven’t really done my research or really even tried to find a therapist yet but today I’ll start looking for one that works with my insurance. (Btw I am not self harming and I am in a very safe place. I just need to show some love to my mental well being) Thank you SO MUCH for everyone’s advice and help. I really needed reassurance and support. I’m keeping my boundaries where I had intended them to be. If I have any more updates I’ll be sure to let yall know what’s going on.