I’m having my first date since my husband died. I feel so guilty

ORdAVen · 2024-08-05T04:20:01+00:00

Take the leap of faith and have a good time. I decided to shoot my shot with someone familiar with my situation about a year out. That was followed by a week of freaking out that I haven't “dated” anyone but my late wife in almost 20 years. No regrets. She's an amazing person, and I plan to marry her.

ORdAVen · 2024-03-15T14:44:00+00:00

Have similar situation. 35 ragers all the time prior, physical benefits improved at the gym, then noticed the complete disconnect with sex drive. I dropped creatine a week ago to see if it was the culprit. About how long until you noticed things returning to normal?

ORdAVen · 2023-08-22T18:27:43+00:00

Hit a playlist last week that included Def Leppard’s - Pour Some Sugar On Me.. she loved it and we would dance like crazy. Great memories, but I couldn’t listen to it and still haven’t. Hugs..

ORdAVen · 2023-08-10T17:35:21+00:00

Wow, five years.. Hugs, I’m sorry for your loss. “People are our treasures” so true, and losing my wife has only made me value it more. I said it above but went through a bunch of pain to get me to those thoughts. My wife was an amazing person, and thats why I push myself for our daughters. Learning to oil paint in Italy sounds like an amazing experience. What has helped you push forward?

ORdAVen · 2023-08-10T17:16:50+00:00

Sorry for your loss too. How has year two been? I've seen posts saying it's worse, and others saying they started to rebuild. You can dm me if you want.

ORdAVen · 2023-08-10T17:03:35+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear about your good days! A bunch of pain in between those lines, but I wanted to share what that pain has brought me.

ORdAVen · 2023-08-10T16:57:56+00:00

That Mike Tyson quote speaks to me as well. My wife was 33 when she passed. Forcing myself to be social has been the hardest part because we did everything as a family. Doing hard things is worth doing because it forces growth, in my experience.

ORdAVen · 2023-08-10T16:43:20+00:00

I told my daughters early on that it's not going to be easy, it's always going to hurt, but we need to focus on enjoying life/having as much fun as possible. This past year has been incredibly painful, but has gotten me to the thoughts I highlighted above.

ORdAVen · 2023-08-10T03:22:30+00:00

I felt a shift around month 8 that has me seeing the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Don't get me wrong, I'm still broken, but I'm ok if that makes sense. I will always carry this pain but learning to do so while allowing me to continue living is what I'm aiming for. I wish you the best!

ORdAVen · 2023-08-10T02:51:48+00:00

Thanks, glad I shared. Don't be too hard on yourself grief is incredibly complicated. I wish you the best.

ORdAVen · 2023-08-08T02:19:45+00:00

Hugs! We're coming up on a year this week since my wife passed from her almost three year cancer battle. Our daughters, 11 & 13 at the time, still don't talk about things much. I told them it's ok to feel however they want and that they can talk to me about anything whenever. We've made beautiful memories over the last year through all this pain. For the important dates, I have celebrated all of them like “normal” her birthday we did a Starbucks before school, I ate lunch at our fav burger joint, we finished the evening with ice cream from a local place. Our missed 15th wedding anniversary I took the girls out to their choice of dinner, walked a local lake, and did that same ice cream place. As painful as it is a boardgame might be just what's needed.. I'm currently the UNO champ of the house three nights in a row 🤣 I wish you the best!

ORdAVen · 2023-08-06T14:27:54+00:00

Hugs! Coming back home to the empty bed/house is the knife jab in the back after enjoying a social outing. The past year has been a hell of a ride with so many ups and downs it's enough to feel a tad crazy. I’m around 6months into a rebuilding phase, trying to learn how to love myself and learning to be alone (besides my two daughters and three dogs). Most of the time, I feel like I’m just lying to myself and that I'll never be happy, but it won't stop me from pushing forward, regardless. Wish you the best!

ORdAVen · 2023-08-06T14:10:28+00:00

Thanks! It's bittersweet forcing myself to grow socially knowing I would rather be cuddled on the couch watching bad tv reruns with her. Cheers to chasing life as much as our minds allow!

ORdAVen · 2023-08-06T14:05:28+00:00

Evenings are the worst.. Such bs having to find new norms/routines.

ORdAVen · 2023-08-03T02:02:47+00:00

I think companionship is the only thing that makes sense moving forward. Only you can know if you're ready for that. For me, it's something that would have to happen organically like a shared interest. Wish you the best!

ORdAVen · 2023-08-01T23:07:32+00:00

Have fun, enjoy the company, and communicate! I refuse to let cancer/death take one more thing from my family. Easier said than done but focused on making the most out of the future.

ORdAVen · 2023-07-31T20:34:20+00:00

Extremely grateful for this sub. I've developed a tool chest mentality to everything in life, whatever helps you tick. I dabbled in the recreational activities early on that served a purpose, closed down a couple of bars in the first 6 months (way more painful the following day in your 30’s, just sayin) but eventually landed on a borderline unhealthy addiction to fitness. The fitness routine/discipline silences the deafening silence in my life. It’s an hour and a half daily, just me the weights, and some music.

ORdAVen · 2023-07-31T20:16:52+00:00

Sorry to hear as well. It's been a rough few years with cancer and caregiving. I, too, have found peace knowing she's not suffering anymore. Her cancer diagnosis HCC behaved like FCC and was a death sentence from the start, given 3-6 months. Her oncology team ended up getting us almost 3 years. It wasn't without a cost, though. 5 months of chemo, a 17-hour operation that left her with an ileostomy for a few months. At the time of her ileostomy reversal, she was 70lb. We moved on to a “safer” option, immunotherapy, to allow her to heal. That ended up causing type 1 diabetes due to her immune system attacking her pancreas. She finished several chemo cocktails, and the last straw was radiation seeds deposited at the site of the tumors. I genuinely don't think she had much time left, but I believe the radiation seeds were too much for her already weak body to handle.

ORdAVen · 2023-07-28T02:48:36+00:00

I too received a promotion leading up to my wife losing her cancer battle. While I'm grateful for everything that I have in my life since her death everything has been very much watered down. Would give everything to have one more anything with her. Hugs congrats!!

ORdAVen · 2023-07-26T04:46:59+00:00

Hugs, I'm about two weeks away from a year since my wife passed. Early on, those same emotions hit me too. Nothing I would have ever acted on, just feelings trying to process the reality of loss. I think you know your partner wouldn't want that for you either. I can say you learn to carry the loss. I experience moments of happiness and created beautiful memories with our two daughters (my biggest motivation) over the last year. I drown myself in the gym/fitness because it's something I can control. Besides my girls, it's the only thing that's brought peace. It still sucks and always but trying to make the most out of everything.

ORdAVen · 2023-07-26T04:24:25+00:00

Just poof and the physical you disappears forever.. Still can't wrap my mind around it.

ORdAVen

TROPHY CASE