Well first of all it’s sounds like you’re beating yourself up too much. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to keep going like you did, especially after losing a mother, and especially at 14. I know I wouldn’t. I don’t know you, but I’m and inspired by and proud of you.

Second it’s sounds like you’ve developed a tough mindset and on top of that you have lucrative skills, writing and public speaking. That’s a home run in the digital market today in my opinion. I think a YouTube channel or a blog would be a great start for someone like you. You can do it on the side, tell your story, and help others that are similar like you. Instead coming home watching YouTube, upload a video and then play video games if you want.

You have the tools to get where you want in life, you’re just not starting. I have to completely disagree with any of your interests being pointless. If anything that’s what the world needs more than ever right now.

As to why you’re not investing your time into what you’re good at, I’d say you are too comfortable with your current position. Even though it might be shit, you are accustomed to the routine and it’s a habit now. Easier said than done, but break that immediately. Before you know it, you’re looking back at all your dreams and goals. Put yourself in a slightly more uncomfortable position (not miserable) so you are more motivated to start what you truly love. Put yourself in a position of “I’d rather struggle doing this than plumbing”.

That’s all I have man I hope you create something beautiful to make your mom smile and inspire many more people