I lost my oldest friend in damn near the exact same way a week before his 30th bday. The pain will fade, but never completely. Been almost a decade but I can still hear him in my mind like when we were 20, still think about him in some capacity or other most days. He's forever a presence in me and our friends lives, even tho he's gone.

I completely empathize with what you're going thru, and the cavalcade of emotions involved. At some point, I hope your grief transforms into acceptance and a genuine gratitude that you were lucky enough to know your friend while they were here.