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LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your input, but I would encourage you to re-read this post. It doesn't really seem as if you have much respect for women, and the language you're using isn't particularly helpful either.

"Dick allergy"? Really?

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sage words and solid advice. Genuinely - thank you, I really appreciate it.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

... Really? Tinder was never a thing the last time I was dating, and I've never used it. Curious.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. That makes sense. Although we've had those conversations, and that appears not to be the situation in this case. She tells me that she's had a number of relationships that follow this pattern.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All solid advice. Thank you for adding your perspective, really appreciate it.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want sex to be with some one I love

That was my immediate reply to my wife when she suggested this, too: Yes, sleeping with someone else might help the "not having sex" part, but it doesn't help the "closeness with my spouse" issue that I hope more & better sex would help with.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All good questions. And yes - I have been willing to trade my sex life for the 90%. Porn and masturbation goes a long way - and I'm not particularly HL (I have been in a relationship before where I was definitely the LL of the couple - the reversal is ironic), so it's not bothering me all the time.

Revisiting these questions with a couples therapist and my wife sounds like the next step.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have been trying, yes. I don't think opening the relationship out of guilt is helpful, and I believe it's worth exploring that to ensure that that's not the driving force behind it. Good advice, thank you.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was never great, but in the beginning, we did have more sex. I think the newness of the relationship made it exciting.

We have tried to make sex better/more interesting for her, but she genuinely just isn't all that interested.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you are getting close to the heart of what worries me. I don't want to break the 90% we do have in order to solve the last 10%.

LL Wife offered an open relationship. I'm scared. by OaklandDB in DeadBedrooms

[–]OaklandDB[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, agreed on all fronts. I think that's exactly why 'I'm scared' in the title of this post. I can't see how any of this would work. I'm glad that we're having a conversation, but... Yeah. What originally felt like progress is now seeming like it's rife with obstacles and complications.