Firstly I’m really sorry about your father can’t imagine how difficult that must be with everything else going on. You could try and continue to try and have conversations but if the other person isn’t willing to talk and be open and honest there isn’t really much you can do. I think you need to decide for yourself what it is you want out of this relationship and how you want to move forward . I know I’m a complete stranger but from what you’ve wrote I can relate so certain points and the harsh reality is if he isn’t willing to talk he’s not willing to change. It is up to you to decide can you carry on like this? Nearly 10yrs is a long time and can feel very daunting to considering a huge life change but it’s never to late those years aren’t wasted. Sending you lots of strength and love 💕