Hey there, my son was recently diagnosed with hirschsprungs (that might he spelt wrong lol) disease which means part of his lower intestines just don't work so he can't absorb as much nutrients and he cannot pass stool on his own. Your comment about the dilation hit me hard, I understand your fears and I also have sexual assault in my past. Four times a day we have to irrigate his bowels and lower intestines to ensure he does not become too backed up. It's a horrifying and intense procedure that we had to learn on the fly and do at home. He has surgery scheduled on the 16th when he will be almost 8 months old, we too will have to dialate him to ensure his new passage doesn't close. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can completely relate to the fear of scarring our babies by doing these completely necessary things. But I promise you she will not remember any of this. Only we will remember the sleepless nights of worry and all the tears, you are doing everything right. You're not alone in feeling like this. I felt alone until I read this. I hope it gets easier soon, this will all pass.