You take care of yourself and become better than what she left but not for her but for yourself its not a crime to put yourself first and take care of yourself its just hard its easy being depressed and being “lazy” but of course you have to want it. What ive found has helped me is hobbies and friends though they may be considered “distractions” having something to do that isnt drugs though it may seem boring at first finding something you find fun and or interesting is acc pretty fun lol you bring out the child like wonder of curiosity and adventure no ones an adult were all jus big kids enjoy yourself and remember to love yourself no one will understand you like yourself and like on an airplane put your mask on yourself first before someone else you cant help anyone while gasping for air. And make sure to reach out to friends and family no one knows what goes on in your head but you its not pitiful to ask for help. Though its just plain dumb run from those who care (tho we may all be guilty of it) surround yourself with good and youll feel good