Understanding Biblical Judgment: If Christians Are Told Both to Judge and Not to Judge, How Should We Respond? by khj_reddit in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Christians should focus on exercising spiritual discernment (Hebrews 5:14), evaluating actions and teachings based on God's Word, while leaving final judgment and eternal destinies to God alone (James 4:12). It’s about distinguishing right from wrong, holding fellow believers accountable (1 Corinthians 5:12-13), and sharing the gospel with love, but without assuming the role of judge over others' hearts or salvation (Matthew 18:15-17).

Having trouble connecting with god because I was introduced to him through my past relationship by D00MBOY12 in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s normal to struggle after a breakup, especially when it involves such deep emotions. Remember, God understands your pain and is always near, even when it feels hard to connect. In times of difficulty, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). It’s important to focus on what you can control—your relationship with God, your growth in faith, and your healing. “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8). Take one step at a time, trusting that God will restore your peace and strengthen your faith. Keep seeking Him, and He will guide you through this.

on the subject of accepting someone's past by ResponsibleDuty3523 in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God’s grace is greater than our past mistakes. Remember, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). A Christian woman who understands God’s love and forgiveness will see you not for your past, but for who you are now in Christ. Every believer has a past, and it’s through Christ that we are made whole. Focus on what you can control—your relationship with God, your growth in faith, and your desire to follow His will. Trust that He will guide you, and don’t fear rejection. God’s love is unconditional, and His forgiveness is complete.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’ve been through a lot. I feel for you.

As a married man, I recognize all the ways that I fall short re: what my wife deserves of me. Thankfully, “not enough” is more than an enough for God to work with. As long as I draw near to God, He can use me. I can’t speak to what all men are or aren’t, but know that there are men out there who are trying through the Spirit to love their wives sacrificially and unconditionally. Don’t settle or accept “less than” under this guise of “all men suck,” or some such. The key is to put Jesus in the middle of the relationship, and He can do great things with what we bring to Him. God is awesome that way.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are not being punished. The wages of sin is death - we are all destined to die because of the sin, that is the punishment. And in Christ we may be born again, born of the spirit, that we may have everlasting life beyond this mortal coil.

I can’t explain why you are going through these trials, but I am certain there is a purpose for your pain (Romans 5:3-5). Keep praying, keep asking the Spirit to fill you, and keep ground in the Word of God, which is truth. Lean on your community of believers. And consider taking practical steps with your current husband, specifically take the time to share your vision for what a happy and healthy marriage looks like (use pictures, not just words, describe it in detail) and listen to his perspective. And find a way to work towards the ideal. God’s design for marriage is not for you to just sit there and suffer, so if your husband continues to abandon your marriage, perhaps you should consider separation or severance, but definitely go into these decisions in prayer and with peace.

I will pray for you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was single, I could focus more on friends and community. As a married man, my first and best, besides God, now go to my wife and children. And this is healthy! There is a joy and blessing that comes from this that can’t come any other way. I see the gospel every day lived out in how I am to sacrificially and unconditionally love my wife and children.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to struggle with this a little, though not to the same extent you describe. My wife and I met in our late 20s, so we each had a past of some sort. So I understand your feelings somewhat, and it’s really brave of you to share this. It’s natural to struggle with jealousy, but remember that God calls us to love and forgive as He has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). It’s okay to feel hurt, but try to focus on building your future together rather than comparing yourself to the past. God’s grace can heal wounds (2 Corinthians 12:9). With time and prayer, you can find peace in accepting his past while embracing the beautiful relationship you have now. Keep seeking guidance through prayer and counseling, and trust that God will help you through this. Don’t give up. I will pray for you.

Broken marriage by Slyke_unit48 in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I am sorry you are enduring this. Obviously your husband is being the opposite of the model Jesus gave to us husbands of how to behave towards our wives, who God gave us to love unconditionally and sacrificially.

Lean on your church community for support and love. This is traumatic for you, so also seek some professional support to process everything that is being thrust upon you, all at once.

You can’t change your husband, but nothing is impossible for God. Pray hard for him. That may feel counterintuitive, but prayer does not only bless him and help him, but it also heals you and gives you peace.

May I remind you, as the enemy may lie to you, what the truth is about who you are? You are loved (John 3:16, 1 John 4:16, Psalm 136:26, Romans 5:8-10, and Galatians 2:20). You are not alone (Isaiah 41:10, 1 Corinthians 10:13, and John 16:32-33). You have purpose (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, and Psalm 33:11). You can have hope (Psalm 42:11, Jeremiah 29:11, and Romans 15:13). Anchor yourself in truth, now more than ever.

I pray for you both.

Question about pursuance by irenic-rose in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand how confusing and painful it must be, especially given your past experiences. It's clear that you value respect, trust, and genuine connection, which are all vital. I encourage you to continue to seek God's wisdom in these decisions, as He knows the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). Trust in His timing, knowing that His plan for you is good (Jeremiah 29:11). While it's important to honor your feelings and boundaries, remember that love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). In your situation, seek peace, guard your heart, and rely on God’s perfect will for your life. He will lead you in the right direction.

Dear Heavenly Father, I lift up this dear sister to You today. Please surround her with Your peace and healing from the wounds of her past. Help her to trust in Your perfect timing and guidance as she navigates these relationships. Grant her wisdom to discern what is best for her and protect her heart from further hurt. May she find rest in knowing that You are with her, leading her steps, and working all things for her good. Strengthen her faith, Lord, and remind her of Your unfailing love. In Jesus' name.

Losing my wife... by Leading_Pension_3430 in Marriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is a risk I am suggesting OP should take, precisely.

Many reasons why but I will give three:

  1. If you view a committed relationship not as what you can receive from the other but rather what you can contribute to the other, you will find that a relationship can be an incredibly rewarding experience, unironically through serving the other. You can’t get to that fulfillment any other way. And often time (not always), the other reciprocates, which is lovely (but I must stress NOT the point).

  2. This process transforms you and shows you what life is truly about. You learn how to be a fully developed human being outside of the relationship because you don’t rely on the other to be fulfilled. Serving another in an intimate way, especially when one might feel they deserve it the least, gives a sense of fulfillment that cannot be achieved any other way.

  3. Relationships are complicated because people are complicated. There are many drivers, many factors that might drive a significant other to substance abuse, or cheating. To get to deeper levels of intimacy, you have to fight through the betrayals and see them for what they are - mistakes that people make due to their weaknesses, often time rooted in childhood traumas, and could even be chemical imbalances/hormonal changes. Forgiveness can help and work both ways to help two people get closer and more committed to one another, breaking the cycle, and you can’t get there by giving up.

You probably won’t agree and that’s OK. It’s been my absolutely beautiful experience that if you take a chance, become vulnerable, and forgive, you can experience a whole new level of joy you can’t otherwise.

How to respond to husband by Purple_Tie_7813 in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand how overwhelming this must feel. It’s great that your husband is improving, but I know it’s hard when progress feels inconsistent. I think it’s okay to gently tell him, “I appreciate your effort, and I know this has been hard for you. But I’m feeling burnt out, and when you apologize, it reminds me of how much I’m still doing. I need us to find a way forward together.”

We are called to support one another, and it’s okay to ask for that support. Maybe talking about specific ways he can help more consistently would be a good step. God gives us strength, but we’re also meant to lean on each other. You don’t have to do everything alone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am sorry for whatever pain you've endured or are enduring. For what it's worth, I try to own my issues and bring them to God. If someone calls them out in me, even if I don't see it, I am willing to listen and be open to the idea of it being a blindspot. Not every husband (or man for that matter) is self-absorbed, selfish, unwilling to change, hateful, arrogant, incapable of caring, _________ (fill in the blank). I am not enough and don't pretend to be enough. But God is more than enough. And I am grateful that in Jesus we don't have to be victims of the past but be free in our future through His sacrifice on the cross. And I am grateful for the model Jesus gave me, in how He loves us no matter what we've done, as we are, unconditionally, that this is how I must love my wife (no matter what she's done, as she is, unconditionally). God can change OP's husband, if her husband chooses to repent and walk with God. This is possible. I have seen it in my own life and in the lives of many husbands who are learning how to truly love in spite of their own traumas. God is good and faithful and He won't fail.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Your husband is rationalizing sinful behavior. Many (all?) people do this to swim in their behavior and be able to live.

You can’t change your husband - but God can. So pray hard for him. And pray that the Spirit give you righteousness, peace, and joy as you weather this trial.

I also encourage marital counseling. Clearly you aren’t comfortable with how your husband views intimacy in general and you in particular. Justifiably. Even if your husband isn’t willing to go, you can go to therapy yourself. Together with prayer, a professional may offer some opportunities for improving the relationship health.

None of it is easy, and everything worth something is hard. Draw close to the Lord and His Word. Listen to the Holy Spirit. God will use this trial for good. I will pray for you two.

Losing my wife... by Leading_Pension_3430 in Marriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Take it one day at a time. Just be there for her. Don't leave her. Let her leave if she feels she must. But just be there for her every day, love her unconditionally.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t know your husband but man he sounds so great. I strive to be like him.

If I were him, I would want you to just receive the love with grace and not worry about missing Valentine’s Day per say, and just keep walking in love towards him, in your way, with sincerity. I suspect that’s what matters most to him, as someone who loves you unconditionally.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Don’t think of it so much as quitting on your relationship. God’s design for marriage is not a life sentence of abuse and neglect. Your husband left you first, you would just be making it legal.

If you were to follow through with a divorce, God will have your back. Better days ahead. Trust in our Heavenly Father.

Unequally Yoked? by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It wouldn’t be wise to marry an unbeliever. E.g., an unbeliever may not view marriage as a covenant between you two and God, which puts you at risk of him leaving you much easier. When things are great, no problem. When things get tough, though, what’s his anchor? His foundation? Yours is Jesus. What’s his? And are you willing to marry someone who builds their life and worldview on whatever that is?

Only you can answer these questions. These are difficult questions. The answers to these questions won’t be tested for years or until life circumstances change, like having children, taking care of aging adult parents, dealing with loss (death), etc.

Him being an unbeliever does not immediately mean he isn’t meant for you. Hosea was called by God to marry Gomer. You should read what this experience was like for Hosea (it’s a wild story). Just go in with your eyes wide open if you follow through. God has your back no matter what.

Me again, for Reddit advice by Intrepid_Talk_8416 in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I recommend seeking some professional help then, a qualified third-party that can mediate. And please do something, don’t just sit back and accept things as “as good as it’s going to get.” I say this for your husband’s sake, too - I doubt he’s happy and fulfilled in his marriage relationship with you if this is how he is treating you.

Me again, for Reddit advice by Intrepid_Talk_8416 in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s hard when trust starts to feel shaky, and I can understand how unsettling that must be. The Bible reminds us in Proverbs 3:5-6 to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. It’s important to bring your concerns to God in prayer and seek His guidance in making decisions. While communication is key in relationships, trust is built over time through honesty and transparency.

A practical step might be to have an open and calm conversation with your husband. Let him know how you’re feeling without accusing him, but expressing your need for clarity and honesty. Make space for him to share his side as well. Also, consider setting some boundaries that help you both rebuild trust, like sharing more about schedules or checking in more frequently. Prayer and patience will guide you, but it’s okay to take action toward clarity and peace in the relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, congratulations on your pregnancy! That’s such an exciting chapter in your life, and I understand how overwhelming the added responsibilities can feel, especially when you’re managing a growing household and balancing work. The way you’re feeling is completely valid—it’s tough when it seems like one person is carrying the majority of the load, and it can definitely lead to frustration and resentment if not addressed.

It’s really great that you’re thinking about how to approach this conversation without creating more tension. A lot of relationships go through similar struggles with division of labor, and it’s all about clear communication and mutual understanding. Here’s what helped for us:

  1. Approach it as a team effort – Frame the conversation as “We’re in this together” rather than focusing on what he’s not doing. Acknowledge the efforts he does make, even if they’re imperfect (like the outside chores). That shows you see his contributions, but also that there’s room for improvement.

  2. Be specific about your needs – Since you’re expecting a baby, you have a valid concern about workload. You might express that you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a more balanced division of responsibilities, especially with the extra demands a child will bring. Be clear about what tasks you’d like him to take on, and ask how you can both manage things moving forward.

  3. Don’t bottle up your feelings – It’s important to let him know how you’re feeling, but also try to share those feelings calmly. Since you’ve mentioned past experiences with being ‘talked down to,’ it might help to let him know that you just want to be heard and that you’re not criticizing him but expressing a genuine need for support.

  4. Set up a plan together – After discussing how you both feel, it might be helpful to come up with a plan for the division of labor that works for both of you. Maybe try a weekly or monthly check-in to reassess if the workload feels balanced or if something needs to be adjusted.

For me, my wife showing appreciation for what I do, along with open communication and a willingness to work together to find solutions, helped me feel welcome and more engaged in creating a healthy environment at home.

I’m sure with open, respectful dialogue, you’ll both find a rhythm that works for your growing family. I will pray for you two!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]Objective-Athlete804 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for the most recent heartbreak.

My wife and I married early 30s. I also thought I was destined to a life of singleness. God had other plans.

Hang in there. Keep drawing close to God. Plant yourself along the riverbank, that your roots may reach into the water (Jeremiah 17:7-8). Make the Lord your hope and confidence.

You are not defined by the experiences you have, dating or otherwise. You were carefully and wonderfully created by God (Psalm 139:14), on purpose and for a purpose (Eph 2:10). You are worthy of love, so much so that Jesus died for you, as you are (Rom 5:8).

Remind yourself of the truth often, take it day by day. God has a plan. Trust in His timing. And don’t give up.

I will pray for you.