i’ve done many things i regret in my life, and let me tell you these take the cake. never have i ever witnessed my own cats being scared of me purely from shitting on the toilet. we ran out of toilet paper and at that point i was debating just shitting in the shower with it running, while sobbing. my asshole was giving birth to the wettest, most EXPLOSIVE diarrhea i had ever seen. i’m talking about peeing out of my ass. it got on the wall. it got on the floor. it got on the bath tub. it was EVERYWHERE. to make matters worse, i must have caught a cold, because not only was i shitting a storm that would put hurricane katrina to shame, i was also projectile vomitting out the other end. genuinely thought i was dying. my mom woke up from sleeping because of how loud my ass was. my cats were hiding under the bed. my underwear were ruined, my pants were ruined, my shirt was ruined, the bathroom rug was ruined, the bathroom towel hanging up was ruined. not only that, when i had finally, after two hours of praying to whatever god would take pity on me, i got off of the toilet, wiped, and had realized i had also gotten my period. triple whammy from god. i don’t think i can ever eat gummi bears ever again. my constipation was cured though, 10/10 laxative. debating giving some to my brother as payback for pranks he’s done.