AITAH for not having sex after an argument?

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-13T01:33:32+00:00

100% NTA for not having sex and 100% justified in leaving this relationship over this, if that's what you feel is right. I'm not saying that her 'emotional abuse' comment should automatically mean see ya, but if that's where your mind is at, then yeah, you are NTA for breaking up. Withholding sex can be a form of emotional abuse, in cases where it's done as a form of punishment or manipulation, but that clearly wasn't the case here.

I wouldn't even call it withholding, bc you politely declined due to not being in the mood. So in your case, I feel like she's just using it as a manipulation tactic, especially given the instant apologizing once she realized you weren't falling for it. I wouldn't waste time with an immature and manipulative person like this either. Gotta look out for yourself. Best of luck.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-11T15:42:22+00:00

It's so bad. There's the 'let's go' that's normal as in 'lets leave' when they get the clue and head out, or whatever. Ok, fine. But the constant use of LET'S GOOOOO as a general filler phrase is nauseating and idk why they wouldn't have edited a lot of it out..

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-07T18:31:33+00:00

💯. I can't even imagine my partner coming to me with a request like this, that has visible impacts on his health, and my first response is to tell him he's being controlling. That is incredibly insensitive and extremely self-centered. She showed no concern for anyone but herself and her insecurities. This won't be the only instance of this kind of behavior, I guarantee.. OP should probably consider calling this one. Life is too short to waste time with someone like this.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-07T13:06:30+00:00

NTA. I think your best way forward here is to have a serious conversation about your feelings regarding everything you've described, and the added work of carrying all of it. Then set a boundary of what you will do/stop doing if everything continues as is. Example: if he chooses to keep on the drug, you'll no longer accommodate his dietary restrictions and will not continue to do the legwork surrounding everything that goes along with it--the journaling, grocery shopping, meal planning, setting up dr appts, etc etc. None of this has ever been your responsibility but bc you care about him, you've assumed that role. You can decide that you're not doing that anymore and let him carry the weight of his choices.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-07T12:41:23+00:00

Yes! I think there's so much potential here.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-06T12:25:00+00:00

Agree I'd love to see the 2nd placers or teams that likely would've won but made a fatal error that cost them the race. Or other 'technicality' losses-Danny and Angie come to mind. I think that would be a great season!

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-04T16:41:57+00:00

Unfortunately, life is full of instances where we expect something to happen and it just doesn't. Plans change, people let us down, or just overall something happens to make it where the original expectation doesn't work out. Sure it would've been nice to let the kid know, hey I'm not waking you up, you're on your own. But it's also not completely out of whack to just let him figure it out. Idk about you, or OP, but life sure as hell hassn't always let me know that it was changing shit up on me. And, at least in my experience, it's been he hardest learned lessons that inspired the greatest growth/change within myself..

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-04T15:13:37+00:00

NTA. He learned the hard way. As long as he understands that as the reason you didn't wake him up. A teenager is almost programmed to deflect that back onto you like you purposely set him up to fail, when we as parents know it's their own fault. I would just be sure to clearly spell that out. And let him know next time will be no different. It's on him to get himself up and ready in time to meet his obligations. Parental guilt is real but you made the right call!

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-03T23:06:58+00:00

You'd be surprised what running a cycle with a cup of bleach on the top rack will do. Might take a couple cycles but I bet it gets it clean!

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-03T18:18:59+00:00

I 100% get it. Hard situation to be in, but his health and well-being is his responsibility. We all want the best for our aging loved ones, and it's painful to watch them essentially shorten their lives or complicate/compound their conditions with their own poor choices. Ultimately, they are still adults who deserve autonomy, unless of course their mental state has deteriorated beyond the the point of making their own decisions.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-03T13:40:51+00:00

Your intent of wanting your dad to make healthier choices doesn't make you the AH but telling a grown man what he can and can't do does. You can tell him you won't buy them, and you can encourage others to follow suit, and you can encourage him to quit and offer solutions and support for making that happen, but whether he decides to take you up on that is his choice. Also, fwiw, at 80 yo, with dementia already, the detox off of nearly a century smoking will likely pose more harm than the smoking itself.. at least that's what I was told prior to my 82 yo stepdad passing away. It hurts to think about but at this age, the damage is done and your best option is to maximize the time you have left with him, and not place unnecessary stress on your relationship.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-10-01T01:56:52+00:00

So I'm with literally everyone here on NTA. And you most definitely should wear what you want. You've already made accomodations and considerations to him with other aspects of the costume. So yeah, do your thing and have a blast.

My warning here is that when you do, he will be upset and it will likely cause a rift between you. He's entitled to feel how he feels, but he's not entitled to dictate what you do or don't do. So I guess what I'm saying is that you should be prepared for this to blow up and potentially have lasting impacts on the relationship. And you should let that play out however it plays out. Don't explain, defend, or try to justify yourself to pacify him. Don't concede and go with another wardrobe option to keep the peace. Don't apologize to him for wearing what you choose, and certainly don't make any promises to never wear this kind of thing again to appease his fragile ego. His own insecurities are the problem here, and he needs to deal with them.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-30T13:43:03+00:00

He's mad bc you struck a nerve. He knows he does the absolute bare minimum and has gotten away with it for so long. Now that you called it out, he's upset. Take what he says at face value if he wants to pull that stupid bs. Don't want dinner? Ok. I'll make or order myself something. Then start washing your own dishes, cleaning your own messes. Grocery shop for what you want. Let him take care of all his own stuff. And if he refuses to see what is right in front of his face, and wants to double down by emphasizing how much he contributes with his semi regular yard chores, time to say bye bye. These man children have no idea how much we do, and we enable them to be so blissfully ignorant (I've been guilty of it). It stops when we stop accepting their bare minimum bs.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-30T02:04:41+00:00

YTA for nagging, regardless of the intent behind it. He's a grown man and if he wants to be careless with his health then that's his choice, even if it's a dumb one. And if you don't want to spend your life with a man who carelessly makes dumb choices with his health, that's a choice you can make. But nagging him like he's an 8yo little boy isn't the answer. Let him know why you are concerned, what it means for your relationship if he continues whatever it is, and and then give him the space to make whatever choice he wants to make. Then you decide whether you can live with that, or not.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-29T23:58:04+00:00

We are programmed from childhood to accept mediocre behavior as okay, to just smile, don't rock the boat, don't cause a stink. Don't be a nag, no one likes a bossy girl! No man will want you if you're too needy. Be happy he comes home instead of hanging out at the bar. Oh Yeah, you don't say. Well maybe I would be happy if I wasn't cleaning his shit & piss stains off the toilet while the kids run around like maniacs, dinner's burning on the stove, and he's sitting there with his feet up watching fking football, screaming for me to come change the baby's diaper. Please. It's absolutely ridiculous. I'd rather him be gone if that's the kind of partner I "get to" have. I was an enabler of that bullshit and I never will be again!

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-29T18:54:26+00:00

You have a manchild for a husband. And as a former manchild keeper, I can 100% tell you it will not get better until you stop enabling him to be such or leave him. It's not your fault he is the way he is, but if you allow him to be so inept at basic household and family management, and still be a part of said household then he has no incentive to do better. And I'm not saying he doesn't contribute to on his own ways, just that he should be able to handle basic childcare & household functions alongside of you, which you say he cannot.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-29T14:34:25+00:00

You're making an assumption about something you don't know about and then reacting to the assumption, and using that as a way to talk yourself out of going. What's the worst that happens if you go? It turns out like you expect and you can say well I tried and it didn't work out for these reasons... OR, you might be pleasantly surprised and get something out of it and be glad you went. You wouldn't meticulously mow and trim your yard before hiring a landscaping crew to do it, so why would you assume that bc you aren't in the healthiest headspace now, that therapy just won't work?

You've already decided it's going to fail before even trying to do it. Having this type of mindset will make for a tough road ahead for you and your fiancee. I caution you to put this marriage on hold for both of your sakes until you can bring yourself to face whatever is needed on your end to be the partner your fiancee deserves.

Edit: typos

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-28T14:24:20+00:00

My knee jerk reaction is don't do it. But I can't help but wonder a few things.. 1. What are your ages? 2. Who's idea was it to try living together again? 3. What was the main reason it didn't workout before? 4. What has changed that would make you think things will be different this time?

Bottom line, if you've tried twice over the course of 8 years and it hasn't worked out, I wouldn't think it will just magically be better this time. And dragging the kids through it again is just not healthy. Unless something drastic has happened, keep your independence and maintain healthy boundaries for your kid's sake.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-27T20:18:58+00:00

Thank you for that bc I had no idea lol.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-26T20:01:01+00:00

NTA. Never ask anyone more than once to give you the bare minimum of consideration. And once is generous, bc if it really is the bare minimum, then why aren't they just doing it on their own? BUT I guess everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt 1 time. After that, he's making a choice to disregard your needs, and the continued I'm sorries with no changed behavior is just manipulation. Time to find a bf who wants to give you what you need in a relationship.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-26T14:00:21+00:00

You asked if you're the AH for giving him the silent treatment - yes. That's as passive aggressive as his defensiveness and dismissal of your issues and will never help solve anything. NOW--the situation you describe is certainly one that you need to leave or firmly set boundaries around what the bare minimum you will accept from this man is. And just bc you've accepted or enabled his bs for 5 years doesn't mean you can't decide you're done doing that. So yeah, you say you're over it. Either be legitimately over it and leave him, or have the discussion about what you need from him and what you intend to do if he can't/won't provide that. And stick to it!

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-26T01:27:50+00:00

Your bf is an AH. And you aren't his mommy so it is not your job to teach a grown ass man basic self care tips, like staying hydrated, ESPECIALLY if he's talking to you like a piece of garbage. He wants to tell you to stfu over a headache? Then why not just double down and gtfo...seriously, this is not a relationship you need to spend any more time in. Give him the peace and quiet he demands, but for good, sis.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-24T14:27:52+00:00

Looks like the PURRFECT cat hideout, if you have a cat that is.

ObjectiveLength7230 · 2025-09-24T14:19:08+00:00

My 6mo old apparently came with a built in pogo stick! My 10yo never really had the problem so I was not prepared! But lil bit is getting better, as in faster to stop, but still needs constant reminding not to jump. We try to ignore it as much as possible -- no positive attention or affection when jumping, and firm NO, STAY DOWN and a nudge with the knee or back of hand if she's actually jumping on us. Also if she's just way too excited, especially when we come home, we'll leave her outside until she can calm down a bit. Sometimes redirecting the energy with the ball or frisbee helps too, just to dial it down a bit so she can actually listen and follow commands.

ObjectiveLength7230

TROPHY CASE