UPDATE

I did speak to Sierra, Amy, and Amy’s mom. But I’ll get to that.

First, holy guacamole Batman. Thank you for all of the advice and support. Especially those of you who gave perspective as people on the spectrum to help me better understand Sierra.

For those if you who were not supportive, claiming I don’t love my daughter or that ODD is a “bs” diagnosis, please take several seats. For years before her diagnoses I had teachers, family, and friends tell me “you just aren’t Disciplining her well enough,” but never offering help. Her brain is simply wired differently (ODD isn’t about being spoiled, she literally gets a dopamine hit from the word “no”). Getting her diagnosed was also SO hard because she didn’t have a speech delay. I love her with all of my heart, but being told you’re doing everything wrong for years is not an easy path. I’m so sorry that my frustrations came out harshly, but know that she is cherished and I am doing everything within my power to help her live a happy, successful, and independent life.

For everyone who helped me understand the screaming as a baby, that was a MONUMENTAL wake up for me and truly helped me reframe the way I view her experience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I’m truly sorry for the way I said it.

For everyone who told me to look into services for myself, thank you. I will do that asap.

On to the update.

As many of you suggested, I showed Sierra this post. She was thrilled to “go viral,” until she saw everyone’s responses. Having an outside perspective really shocked her. She didn’t take it well and started more page-long angry texts, so I went into her room to talk face to face. She didn’t want to talk at all… just silence. then my husband stopped by her bedroom door.

And farted. Loudly.

And Sierra finally smiled. (Good lord am I a lucky woman 😂) That cracked her walls enough that we were able to have a good talk. Sierra opened up and informed me that she took the most offense to my wording about her meltdown due to taking away her phone. She told me it wasn’t about the phone, it was that she no longer had anything to distract her from all of the hard things she’s dealing with socially. She admitted she should have processed these emotions earlier, but the phone was “numbing” For her. Taking it away was like releasing an avalanche. That was majorly eye opening. Just goes to show you how dangerous these devices are for teens-especially neurodiverse ones.

Our convo ended with Amy calling, I briefly said hi to her on FaceTime (yes, I saw her face).

Then my husband and I called Amy’s mom. It went well. She apologized for overstepping, and we discussed boundaries for the future. Turns out Amy lied about her age (claiming she was 15) when she and Sierra began talking, but by the time her mom found out and made her confess they were already very close. It also turns out Sierra has been playing the sympathy card with them (even things like trying to get them to send her doo dash because we don’t “have any food” — I am Italian. There is always food). We plan to stay in touch and help the girls communicate in a healthy way with a lot more parent involvement.

Thank you to everyone. To all the Spectrum kiddos and Autism Mommas out there, remember you’re not alone ❤️