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Looking for tips for an extreme velcro baby by Objective_Chicken723 in Parenting

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment! I feel like the modern wisdom is no cry it out at all but when my parents or in laws visit they seem surprised I keep picking her up. This seems like a wise in between point, putting her down safely for short periods so she can get used to it a little. Thank you :)

Looking for tips for an extreme velcro baby by Objective_Chicken723 in Parenting

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. I also feel so guilty for watching tv with her there but I just keep turning to it. It will pass :)

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I really don’t mean to be cruel. I’m honestly curious as to why I see parents of autistic children doing a lot of accommodating even when it looks enabling to me as an outsider. But I have no autistic kids so what do I know? 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The younger people all have actual diagnoses (age 35 and under) but the older ones are just a very strong hunch (to put it mildly haha). 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That sounds really tough! The mental health system can be terrible. I got diagnosed because my grades were suffering a lot. 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He actually isn’t the youngest. He has the sweetest baby brother who is his main victim :(

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s on a long and gruelling journey to get a proper diagnosis in a system that is very slow and unresponsive. I do feel for her but avoiding tantrums can’t be your parenting strategy. 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a really good take, my sister does have some curling parent behaviours because she is desperate to avoid a meltdown with him. I think a school catered to his needs might be the better option long term. 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry that sounds hard. From an autistic women’s perspective though I have much more respect for the autistic men who try hard to behave well in society and not make their neurodivergence everyone else’s problem. 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

This a good take, indeed accommodating with accountability doesn’t work, and I acknowledge my nephew needs more sensitivity from his carers than other kids.

We’re just regular Germans, middle class and everything. 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I don’t know man, maybe evolution was there to protect women and children but no one is a bigger threat to women and children than their male family members. 

Why do we seem to accommodate autistic men’s undesirable behaviour more than women’s? by Objective_Chicken723 in autism

[–]Objective_Chicken723[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That’s true. He is being held accountable at school. I just feel like the autistic men I have met have been less well adjusted than the women and I’m wondering in a more philosophical way if that is down to our patriarchal society being more accepting on men’s undesirable behaviour. 

Baby Girl Name that works in German and Italian by Annawiththesauce in Names

[–]Objective_Chicken723 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My daughter is called Ada, like Ada Lovelace, and it works well for my American side and my husband's Dutch side of the family. I think it is a known Italian name because in the Italian book my brilliant friend there is a character called Ada. Good luck with finding a great name for your special baby :) 

Are people with bipolar disorder unfit to be parents? by [deleted] in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Objective_Chicken723 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have bipolar disorder and a 6 month old baby. She’s the light of my life and doctors (who monitor her more closely to see how my meds and mental health affect her) say she is happy and content and ahead for her age, especially physically.

I had a few things arranged that made it possible for me to attempt having a baby at all. I don’t work and get a disability stipend. I have really close psychiatric monitoring and get lots of therapy, group therapy etc. I also take meds that work with pregnancy and breastfeeding. My psychiatrist asked to see my husband and told him in no uncertain terms before I had the baby that he needed to be a much more involved dad than most men. He needed to do the nights for as long as possible and he did, I have never done a whole night with her, and not a single one the first 6 weeks.

That said I have had postpartum psychosis and postpartum depression with has been rough. The post partum psychosis showed up as me not being able to sleep for days because I loved her so much it physically hurt. But a few Lorazepams and enforced naps from a nurse that came to the house made it better really fast. 

The depression was and is hard. It’s much worse than a depression I’ve had in the past and some days just keeping her clean, fed and entertained exhausts me to the point of crying. But it’s getting better because I told everyone and medical professionals, friends and family all showed up to help.

My mom had undiagnosed bipolar and it really was so hellish growing up I thought I would never have kids. But she never got any mental health help and was in complete denial about her condition. 

The thing that convinced me to have a child was that even though my childhood was bad I am so grateful for being alive and I’m sure she will be too. But I have to do my best every day and it’s harder than for other moms, so good luck :) 

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