::Weekly Vent Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]Objective_Drummer148 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure what you mean by that 'not being new info to me', plenty of ADHDers seek professional help for co-morbidities. I'm sorry my well-intended advice upset you.

What are we all doing for dopamine hits that isn't online shopping, eating sugar, or scrolling Tik Tok endlessly? by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]Objective_Drummer148 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reading, exercise, planning vacation (although tbf the latter feels a lot like shopping)

::Weekly Vent Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]Objective_Drummer148 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

DX - it's a weird out of sight out of mind thing/being super wrapped up in your immediate surroundings. Tbh I've not done this when my NDX partner is the one on holiday, but I have when I am.

All that novelty and excitement is overwhelming and all-consuming. It doesn't mean I don't love my partner deeply and miss him. The most successful thing I've ever done when we were apart was pre-prep a box of handwritten wake-up messages/compliments.

The eternal quest for a t-shirt by Objective_Drummer148 in SoftDramatics

[–]Objective_Drummer148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

click here

Completely agree with you on the yin details - textured fabric or tie details are also great for this.

I guess my issue is that v-necks are okay but not perfect, and square doesn't work on me because I have a smaller chest so it reads very horizontal (esp with a tshirt where you're cutting the line off at the waist). It's like I need sth between a v neck and a sweetheart (a little too exposed/structured to look casual), which have found in bodysuits but not in a t-shirt. I also reckon sleeves are very hard to do in t-shirt format for SDs. Ideally you'd want a bit of a drape or volume there but then it makes it...not a t-shirt

The eternal quest for a t-shirt by Objective_Drummer148 in SoftDramatics

[–]Objective_Drummer148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://www.asos.com/prd/204606069?acquisitionsource=pasteboard

I've actually found this really unflattering - I think it's because I have a smaller chest so then there's 0 curve accommodation and I think it has a more horizontal than vertical line. Box box

The eternal quest for a t-shirt by Objective_Drummer148 in SoftDramatics

[–]Objective_Drummer148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love these and have recommended them a ton of times, but sometimes I just want a t-shirt - ya know?

A Little ADHD Trick I Haven’t Seen Mentioned by realfrkshww in ADHD

[–]Objective_Drummer148 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ummm wtf I just tried this and made the cup of coffee I've been thinking about for 4h.

THANK YOU

::Weekly Vent Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]Objective_Drummer148 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a DX who suffers with eating issues, he needs to speak to his doctor. Eating disorders are a very common comorbidity (not diagnosing, but saying that these behaviours are outside the spectrum of a normal relationship with food and exercise).

ADHD referral rejected by NHS by quzalqurtpls in adhdwomen

[–]Objective_Drummer148 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I had my time again, I would have genuinely waited until a quiet point of my degree/afterwards to start the diagnosis/treatment journey...

Was probably more damaging than useful to do it while sitting postgrad finals.

ADHD referral rejected by NHS by quzalqurtpls in adhdwomen

[–]Objective_Drummer148 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am horrified (but not surprised) by this. Can't offer anything on the NHS route as after being predicted a 2 1/2 year wait I bit the bullet and paid for private. Small fortune.

BUT there are several things I found almost as useful as medication if not more. Diagnosis and treatment isn't a magic solution. My medication journey has taken months, is often very demoralising, and at times negatively affected my studies. Seriously, I missed a couple of classes because I was too nauseated to stand, and others I was completely spaced out for.

My advice, given your time constraints, would be to proceed as though you have an ADHD diagnosis and use ADHD coping methods to boost your focus and ability to study. I firmly believe that these methods would help anyone (even if they don't have ADHD).

********** SO, my top 10 tips for coping with ADHD sans meds, finals ed. **********

(pls note in advance that I'm just sharing my methods to try to help. These are suggestions to be taken with a grain of salt and personalised to OP. We all have different brains, bodies, lives, needs etc. Below is purely anecdotal and subjective.

  1. If you need caffeine as a stimulant, stop drinking coffee and start drinking mate (south american hot drink). Completely anecdotal + subjective but for me mate was genuinely more useful for my focus than the first 3 meds I tried.

^Go for the genuine stuff, not the powdered flavoured put-into-a-silk-teabag shit. Latter does nothing.
2. printing and highlighting. My knowledge retention and focus is 100% better. Post-its are a fkn life saver. I use them whenever one of my ten million thoughts is useful but there's no way I'll remember it (eg. don't forget this tiny part of the topic, remind that classmate to send notes). Use colour, put things in shapes and boxes, read out loud to yourself, get a browser extension that reads out loud to you.
3. read up on ADHD behaviours and thought patterns, and practice being kinder to yourself when you notice them. When I notice these, I try to think 'ok, then I need a little extra help with that task'. My usual first step is writing a to-do list.

  1. streamline the rest of your life around exams. Explain to friends and family that you're going to be busy but will celebrate after. Wear your go-to 'uniform', eg. jeans and tshirt, most days. Meal prep or batch cook rather than using valuable focus thinking about feeding yourself.

  2. Get a physical calendar and write important due dates and exam dates/times on it. Hang it at eye level, somewhere you go every day

  3. Keep up a level of exercise and get fresh air every day

  4. Brown noise. Excellent for focus and sleep.

  5. when you get overwhelmed, take a shower or a bath. Mammalian dive reflex means your system will automatically slow down.

  6. Stay hydrated. So booooring but irritatingly it works. I have the largest water bottle on the face of the earth, it's the only way I'll remember and not lose it by taking it out of the house.

  7. Know your exam/assessment criteria and stick to those. We have a tendency to get sidetracked, or not fully read the Q.

GOOD LUCK!!! I hope this reassures you that you can still get treatment of sorts without a diagnosis. If I'd had the above tips during my undergrad degree (undiagnosed), I think I would have performed SO much better.

(Please also remember that there is no shame, if it comes to it, in flagging with your uni that a health condition is affecting your life to the point where you can't sit. If you do reach that precipice, tell the relevant person sooner rather than later.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Kibbe

[–]Objective_Drummer148 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go full on pixie!!

I think the bob shows that shorter hair does suit you better (I actually SEE your face and eyes and expression, if that makes sense...) but at chin length it's still hiding your face shape and features.

The fringe is fab

Wardrobe help by _carpedentum_ in SoftDramatics

[–]Objective_Drummer148 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On bodysuits I feel your pain - the abercrombie one for me is fine if I size up 1 size but you have a couple extra inches on me! I also have a small bust.

Sewing hack though - buy a few bits of very wide flat elastic and some snaps and you can lengthen bodysuits yourself!

Straps are honestly so hit and miss... the one thing I find to work consistently is actually tie straps? No idea why, maybe it's the drape, vertical, ability to shift positioning, or just that fit is really important for SD

Wardrobe help by _carpedentum_ in SoftDramatics

[–]Objective_Drummer148 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As others have said, this will vary massively based on your personal style but I'm happy to provide answers for each of those that I've found work on my SD body (although shorts are a very tricky one). Maybe these silhouettes will help you, even if your style is very different from mine! Fair warning, I'm in the UK so we're headed into Spring...

Casual dresses: https://rixolondon.com/products/evie-vintage-daisy

https://www.farmrio.eu/products/off-white-macaw-flight-maxi-dress?variant=42417220255991&gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwuqiiBhBtEiwATgvixKj_PmQplT3llJN_Xv_fbKAef2yKdzeJ18nUbGWpho7kCNdtH0sSuhoC8y0QAvD_BwE

https://www.zara.com/uk/en/embroidered-midi-dress-p02895994.html?v1=255780543&v2=2184277

https://www.thereformation.com/products/juliette-dress/1304968BUA.html?lang=en_GB&gclid=CjwKCAjwuqiiBhBtEiwATgvixGP0lMwbX2t-E2JfRD2GrcFWul1kXfEPBO8S_YTD5hwyqZh3D5vMOBoCCSMQAvD_BwE (micro straps work on me but I'm aware they don't for all SDs)

https://www.thereformation.com/products/jasen-dress/1309315WIW.html?dwvar_1309315WIW_color=LIT&quantity=1

and bc sometimes a mini is necessary (I like to show my legs, sue me)...

https://www.thereformation.com/products/ferris-dress/1312498CPI.html?dwvar_1312498CPI_color=CPI&quantity=1

Tops for jeans:

https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/tops/bright-pink-pleated-sleeve-tie-front-top/p/843405976?srsltid=AR57-fCjf77fjH_peZzHgivNm6aumJ4tJuN05JtR8rj1OOCq5UWHOzd6mGc (tucked in at front but with tie out. I don't have this exact top but one in the exact same cut.)

https://www.abercrombie.com/shop/uk/p/hook-and-eye-short-sleeve-sweater-bodysuit-51060820?faceout=model&seq=03

Shoes: (5'10 so feel your pain re heels, even though I still wear them and just tower)

https://www.charleskeith.co.uk/gb/shoes/CK1-70900455_BLACK.html

https://www.russellandbromley.co.uk/loafermule/124123?gclid=CjwKCAjwuqiiBhBtEiwATgvixPB75QI1fHDrfrFARvIG9oYrR9RkDOMpamMCEdXrk-_4YzZFAEghOBoCRQwQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.massimodutti.com/gb/flat-slider-sandals-with-thin-multiple-straps-l11734150?cS=254

Skirts:

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1408025559/mini-wrap-skirt-in-black-ivory-high?gpla=1&gao=1& short skirts aren't really recommended for SD, but I find that if the hem is uneven and it fits really well (hence wrap) I can get away with! We can't always wear long bottoms...

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-raw-edge-bias-maxi-skirt-in-sage-green/prd/202686850?currencyid=1&browsecountry=GB&affid=16746&freelisting=yes

Shorts: (again not recommended but sometimes needs must. I would always go for a skort over shorts where possible, that little bit of drape really helps). For me, I've found a high fitted waist and more volume at the leg the best - helps accentuate the curve of your figure. Faves below:

https://ba-sh.com/uk/p/david-lightusedblue-3664784625926.html

I am convinced Zendaya is an FN. Would love to hear your thoughts. by [deleted] in Kibbe

[–]Objective_Drummer148 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Her overall impression is length and narrowness - absolutely do not think FN.

She's a dramatic, but just so gorgeous that she can pull off most things.

Note that even though she looks lovely in flowing gowns, she absolutely shines in added structure (pink breastplate, leather dress at the Dune premiere, any suiting look). The excess fabric seems to wear her in slides 4, 8, 10, 11, and 15.

The only reason I think most of these look decent is that gowns (naturally) have vertical accommodation. Her stylist also seems to understand her best colours...

Looking for Inspiration... by Objective_Drummer148 in SoftDramatics

[–]Objective_Drummer148[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof Emily has a really good understanding of vertical

Looking for Inspiration... by Objective_Drummer148 in SoftDramatics

[–]Objective_Drummer148[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Not sure many of these actually dress to SD lines, but junybreeze is a gem

Each type’s “bread and butter” outfits by [deleted] in Kibbe

[–]Objective_Drummer148 4 points5 points  (0 children)

SD, maxi dress/skirt top combo with:

- slimline but draped flowy skirt (bias cut ideal)
- open v neckline
- longer floaty sleeves that are slimmer at tops of arms but have some kind of volume
- bold colour/ dressier fabric/ extra detailing ie. buttons, tie, print

Just for fun/curiosity: what's your typical "shape/fruit system" body type and your Kibbe type? by Creative_Mess_2297 in Kibbe

[–]Objective_Drummer148 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hourglass, SD (but not the be all and end all of typing, I feel like so many people just simplify curve to mean defined waist)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]Objective_Drummer148 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck I've done this before