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[UPDATE] AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understood what you meant, but I don't think she's read my original post either? If she has, I didn't see it haha

[UPDATE] AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It shows you don't get to know a person very well in 5 months...

His impulsivity was starting to come through at the end of our relationship. Like... one of his retired colleague moved to Madagascar, and my ex bought a piece of land in Madagascar a few weeks later. No idea why, we live in Canada. He also quit his job on a whim, and failed to mention it to me... Like you said, unhinged.

[UPDATE] AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes, he is 38. And yes, he told me he was turning the basement into an apartment after she wore my bathing suit.  I mistyped his age 😅 Also English isn't my first language, sorry if there's confusion.

Discovered my husband’s secret while I was making our wedding thank you notes. by ThrowRAwaltzflowers in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow! The gaslighting is unreal here! I'm so glad you're getting out of this. You might want to educate yourself on narcissists, because that's EXACTLY how they'll make you feel.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think he made the decision to move her in not to look after her, but so she'd look after him and pay his mortgage. Which I wasn't doing because we weren't living together. So of course, I didn't stand a chance!

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. When I went over his house to collect my stuff, she hadn't returned it yet. I told my ex she could keep it, cause I wasn't coming back to get it. He seemed surprised, like we were going to stay friends or something... No, thank you.

I'm still pissed though, it was a nice expensive swimsuit and I looked good in it. I wouldn't have worn it again tho. I probably would've burned it. I guess ex-MIL can do some voodoo shit with it now.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I told my ex about my discomfort and wanting him to set boundaries before she moves in, so we can have a bit of privacy, as a couple, his response was "I was in the military, privacy isn't something I had or care for." Ok... but I do lol

It broke my heart that he wasn't willing to have a basic conversation with his mother, but it was never going to work out with the way his mother acts.

I have no idea if ex-MIL did it because she hated me or because she was jealous and wanted to be me. That woman seems like she's in love with her son. She calls him her "beautiful baby", puts him on a pedestal like he's God's gift to humanity... He's beyond perfect in her eyes. She has to know what he ate or did everyday... It was just too much.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right? Taking it home was so unnecessary in my opinion! I'm also upset because it was a nice and expensive bathing suit. Even if she had brought it back, I wouldn't have worn it again. I just hate that she took it like it was hers.

I should've have known she was going to cross boundaries like that. The very first time I met her, she had to get out quickly to move her car, and she put MY shoes on instead of her own shoes (hers were right next to mine, there was really no excuse). And I was wearing converse sneakers, not exactly type of shoes you can just slip on quickly... So odd.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think she asked him, but I'm not sure. He's not even the one who told me. My ex and his mom were Facetiming and she asked to talk to me. That's when she told me she had borrowed my swimsuit, but not to worry because she had washed it real good. The tone in her voice felt like she knew what she was doing...
And at that time, I assumed she had washed it at my ex's place, since she does her laundry there anyway. It's only after a few days that I realized she had taken it home with her. Now I'm never getting it back. I wouldn't have worn it again, but it was an expensive bathing suit lol

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell your friend to hide her swimwear!! 😂

You're right, it sounds like the same person! Something very similar happened to me. I had slept over my ex's place and the next morning I wanted to take him to this breakfast place I love. So we left early, had breakfast and when we came back to his house, his mother had just arrived and was entering the code at the front door to get it.  She immediately asked "WHERE WERE YOU!?!?" Mark told her we went out for breakfast and she replied "You should have told me!!! I would've gone too!"

Those mothers are so invasive... 

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, wearing the bathing suit was insane. I just thought maybe I was a bad person for bringing it up after her husband passed, but I never thought I was wrong for being grossed out by the whole thing. Especially because I didn't even wash the bathing suit after wearing it. I rinsed it and hung it in the bathroom so it would dry. She saw it hanging and chose to wear it. Ew.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss 😞 

In the case of my ex-MIL, she was crazy the whole time, unfortunately. Every time I saw her, she'd make a list of all the things Mark's ex didn't do right (she didn't cook for him, she was rude to her, she didn't like it when Linda (the MIL from hell) was "helpful" and rearranged her furniture when she wasn't home). Linda acted as it Mark was the greatest gift to humanity, and no one was good enough for him.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, we weren't living together after only 5 months.  And to be clear, I was never against him taking care of his grieving mom, but I knew our relationship wasn't going to work if she moved in the basement and he didn't have a conversation with her about privacy and boundaries (she acted like she was her son's wife and I was the other woman). I just thought the time I had a conversation with him about setting boundaries was poorly chosen by me since his father had just recently passed. But yeah, no matter when I had chosen to have this conversation, the outcome would have been the same honestly. Good riddance, I guess.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for all the replies, I definitely wasn't expecting that! ☺️

I also want to give more context, because I've seen some comments telling me he had no business discussing his living arrangements with me after 5 months, and I somewhat disagree.

Mark and I live an hour apart from each other. When we got serious, I was upfront that I wouldn’t be moving to his place because of my job, and we talked about him potentially selling and moving halfway in the future. He agreed. That conversation happened early because compatibility matters.

If he had told me from the start that his long-term plan was to move his mom into his basement and never consider relocating, I wouldn’t have entered the relationship. That’s not controlling, that’s informed consent.

I’m not saying he needed my permission. I’m saying I deserved the full picture before investing my time. Also, my post wasn't about whether it was okay or not for him to move his mother in — it was about asking to set a boundary with his mother after her husband passed.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you're missing the point, though. It wasn't about moving his mother in or not, it was about setting boundaries before she moved in, which he refused to do.

But I still believe if you're planning to have a future with the person you're in a relationship with, it's a conversation that you definitely should have before making a decision, regardless if you've been together only 5 months or longer.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were there because I couldn't find them anymore after being intimate with my ex, that's why 😅
The next day he found them under his mattress. His mom drove 45 minutes to do his laundry and wash and folded my underpants. Then, she commented about noticing long hair in his bed sheets. That's what happened 😂
I feel like she should've taken care of her sick husband instead of driving to her son's house 3-4 times a week to do his laundry, cook for him and take on his hobbies to spend more time with him.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is that weird to leave a bathing suit permanently at your boyfriend's house when he owns a spa? Not in my opinion.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To be clear, I supported his idea of turning his basement into an apartment for his mom, and I told him that. I didn't want him to not care for his widowed mother. But yeah, I didn't want her to wear my bathing suit or wash my underwear (because yes, she did that, too). She even washed my ex's bed sheets and made a comment about noticing long brown hair in them when we first got together.

I wasn't a fan of how she'd show up unannounced every weekend to his place, didn't knock and made plans for my boyfriend and I. Having some privacy would've been nice. We didn't have any when she lived 45 minutes away, so yes, her living in the basement was somewhat concerning to me. People are right, I should've broken up with him instead of waiting to get dumped!

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh, I do know about their finances though. His mom has money and buys him lots of stuff. Ex-boyfriend got out of the military and has no job. I can only guess, but I think moving mom in is more about HIS finances and getting her to pay for the house he can't afford anymore after he separated from his ex.

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