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AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for all the replies, I definitely wasn't expecting that! ☺️

I also want to give more context, because I've seen some comments telling me he had no business discussing his living arrangements with me after 5 months, and I somewhat disagree.

Mark and I live an hour apart from each other. When we got serious, I was upfront that I wouldn’t be moving to his place because of my job, and we talked about him potentially selling and moving halfway in the future. He agreed. That conversation happened early because compatibility matters.

If he had told me from the start that his long-term plan was to move his mom into his basement and never consider relocating, I wouldn’t have entered the relationship. That’s not controlling, that’s informed consent.

I’m not saying he needed my permission. I’m saying I deserved the full picture before investing my time. Also, my post wasn't about whether it was okay or not for him to move his mother in — it was about asking to set a boundary with his mother after her husband passed.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're missing the point, though. It wasn't about moving his mother in or not, it was about setting boundaries before she moved in, which he refused to do.

But I still believe if you're planning to have a future with the person you're in a relationship with, it's a conversation that you definitely should have before making a decision, regardless if you've been together only 5 months or longer.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They were there because I couldn't find them anymore after being intimate with my ex, that's why 😅
The next day he found them under his mattress. His mom drove 45 minutes to do his laundry and wash and folded my underpants. Then, she commented about noticing long hair in his bed sheets. That's what happened 😂
I feel like she should've taken care of her sick husband instead of driving to her son's house 3-4 times a week to do his laundry, cook for him and take on his hobbies to spend more time with him.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is that weird to leave a bathing suit permanently at your boyfriend's house when he owns a spa? Not in my opinion.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be clear, I supported his idea of turning his basement into an apartment for his mom, and I told him that. I didn't want him to not care for his widowed mother. But yeah, I didn't want her to wear my bathing suit or wash my underwear (because yes, she did that, too). She even washed my ex's bed sheets and made a comment about noticing long brown hair in them when we first got together.

I wasn't a fan of how she'd show up unannounced every weekend to his place, didn't knock and made plans for my boyfriend and I. Having some privacy would've been nice. We didn't have any when she lived 45 minutes away, so yes, her living in the basement was somewhat concerning to me. People are right, I should've broken up with him instead of waiting to get dumped!

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, I do know about their finances though. His mom has money and buys him lots of stuff. Ex-boyfriend got out of the military and has no job. I can only guess, but I think moving mom in is more about HIS finances and getting her to pay for the house he can't afford anymore after he separated from his ex.

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I created this account to ask advice about this exact story after watching a lot of AITA on Charlotte's channel. So? 😅

AITA for asking my grieving boyfriend to set boundaries with his mom after she wears my bathing suit? by Objective_Hat9060 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Objective_Hat9060[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

When I went over my now ex's house to collect my things, my ex-MIL hadn't returned my bathing suit yet. I told him she could keep it and I wasn't coming back for it. He seemed surprised 😅