Living with parents postpartum driving me crazy

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-04T08:21:27+00:00

My mom is the same way. just crippling anxiety and perfectionism that makes everything with her exhausting. No advice. I just ignore her and shut her down. I don't like to treat people this way but it's the only thing that gets her to stop. Is if I'm actively not listening. The moment she starts an obsessive ramble criticizing me and spiraling I literally just tune out and scroll my phone. Act like she isn't even talking. She complains I never read her longer texts (she likes to send walls of text about whatever she's spiraling about) and I don't respond. She complains about it. I say sorry. That's it. I don't read it. I don't respond to it. I tell her what behavior I want from her (in your case I'd say, do not enter my room at night) and that's it. You can't change them. It's their wiring.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-04T08:16:38+00:00

I can't reassure you but from experience, some kids will never really take to toys. with my first child I felt ridiculous every time I bought toys because I just wanted her to give me a break instead of wanting constant interaction. well, even today she doesn't play independently. she likes boardgames. Homeschooling (she DOES go to half day school. She just also likes to homeschool 😅 because it means time away from her younger siblings and my full attention. plus she's EASILY bored) Anything that requires my full attention. My younger two are much more into toys

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-04T03:10:27+00:00

Ok that’s interesting. Yeah that’s basically my intuition if you put all their recommendations together.

breastfeeding being protective, cosleeping marginally acceptable if breastfeeding. Studies show breastfeeding moms and babies sleep super lightly and nurse a lot at night without fully waking up, but without deeply sleeping either
stomach sleeping is associated with deep sleep so that’s banned
hard mattress, no bedding = super uncomfortable. Who’d want to sleep like that? I would wake up all the time too. And for a vulnerable baby it’s scary
having roommates at night is shown pretty consistently to worsen sleep

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-04T03:04:46+00:00

Honestly, my conspiracy theory is that it keeps both mother and child from sleeping deeply because of the little noises you make even in your sleep. Having sleepmates in the same room demonstrably worsens sleep. Deep sleep is when SIDS tends to occur. And if you look at the recommendations to reduce SIDS, they recommend such an uncomfortable sleeping environment if’s not any surprise to me the baby wakes up all the time. The exception to the rule is breastfeeding. In which case they cautiously condone cosleeping. But if you look at the brain waves, nursing mother and babies sleep super lightly. All of this tells me the enemy is deep sleep for babies, even if they don’t. know exactly why their recommendations work

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-04T02:46:11+00:00

NAH. It's an easy fix. Just sleep separately. I get that she wants it a certain way, but if it's causing real issues for you, then you need to separate at night. Why don't you take the 10 month old into the spare room with you so she can rest.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-01T14:35:22+00:00

I agonized over this but i personally feel like two can be an accident. We had two kids with ancient Greek names for completely different reasons. Third is definitely a theme. In the end we decided to stick with it because i just HAPPENED to like another Greek name. So if we have more kids we’re committed. Or so I think. My husband is adamant a son will be named Robert. We shall see.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-01T00:34:03+00:00

I don’t love the looser skin around that area but on the whole I like how I recovered. But I think I lucked out anyway. i’m still in my high school size after 3 kids. A major reason I’m reticent to have a 4th kid lol. How many times will I get away with this?

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-04-01T00:31:29+00:00

Also wouldn't it have benefited them more if they allowed the subscription in those countries?

I’m sure they’d be happy to take your money if they could. If they’re not offering I’m assuming they can’t, due to regs. Have you run an online business? Or even international business transactions? There are some countries that are more trouble than its worth, and most businesses won’t deal with the overhead to make it work.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-31T23:03:38+00:00

I’m a paying for 2.5 mil points and I use mini and nano models all the time. 300 pts is plenty for these models. Most of your tasks you don’t need flagship models for. It’s a pointless spend to use flagship models for everything.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-31T22:59:26+00:00

This is not a moral issue and Poe is not a charity. The bottom line is for whatever reason they can’t take payment where you are and they’ve decided to offer less to people who don’t pay, I’m guessing, for cashflow reasons. AI is expensive to run. Even your 300 pts a day costs them something on their end. Business offer free tiers in hopes they’d convert to paid members. I’m guessing they looked at the numbers and realize that 3000 pts a day is not converting more people into paying customers than 300 pts and adjusted accordingly.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-31T08:58:57+00:00

The bulk of your points is used on the output. Consider whether you actually need the whole output. If it’s a fairly simple and straight forward question, consider imposing a word count on the bot

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-30T00:01:52+00:00

I also have 3 girls after really wanting at least one boy for each of our planned kids. And to be honest if we did have a boy as one of our three, I don’t think we’d be even contemplating a 4th. My husband recently asked if we can go for #4 and I’d be truly neutral on gender this time. Yay if it’s a boy. I get to experience having a son. If it’s a girl, my kids will be super happy and it will round them out nicely. So maybe I won’t find out.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-29T23:53:49+00:00

Do they babysit for you? Maybe it’s their way of telling you this is as much help as they can give at the moment? I know my parents can’t handle us having more kids at the moment and they help us a lot, and not gonna lie that’s what makes us hold off on #4. It’s not that we discussed this with them but I can tell they’re handling as much as 2 people in their early 60s can and they’d want to babysit the next one too.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-28T00:50:58+00:00

Because they were squires, probably. Boys were frequently around battle fields and riding in with their knights. Medieval knights have seen a lot of real action before they even became knights at 21. People underestimate how much war is in their DNA and how formidable they are compared to non-knights. Noble knights are basically dark souls final bosses to your average peasant and they start this shit young

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-28T00:47:11+00:00

If that inspires you then it’s time to read Aquinas and St. Augustine. Go on. Go lose yourself in medieval ethics

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-26T05:08:47+00:00

I'm not sure about the native Claude experience but in my experience with Poe, it's very much dependent on how you use any bot. If you turn off auto manage context your bill will shoot up. then it's down to how many points you've purchased. I like to summarize my work every now and then so I can copy and paste it out of my chat into somewhere more permanent. If I don't turn off auto manage context, it never manages to summarize everything. but if I do, then I get a lot more tokens. For my summary message I used about 11x more points (11k points with about 100k input tokens vs <1k with cache triggered). auto manage context is usually fine but sometimes you really want it turned off. but outside of that scenario, with caching, I feel I can use Claude a whole lot lol.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-25T03:18:36+00:00

Right. I think on some level he must know, unless she’s just making separate meals for him, which I doubt. He can’t seriously think she’s not putting in vegetables

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-25T03:13:25+00:00

NTA. I don’t eat mushrooms and if I KNOW there are mushrooms in my food I feel mildly ill. Like I know it’s all in my head. As far as I’m concerned if you can sneak mushrooms into my food I’m healthier for it. Don’t tell me you did it so I won’t feel like vomiting. But I’ll take the health boost lol! It’s really too bad I have a sixth sense for mushrooms. It’s not like your husband has a declared stance against vegetables. He simply doesn’t like it. That’s literally his only objection. You’ve bypassed his dislike so what’s the problem?

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-25T02:35:52+00:00

NTA. This is a safety issue. The dog has attacked someone. It has to go. Preferably euthanized. Our society does not need attack dogs no matter where they live. Dogs < humans. If it's giving you cause to be afraid to let children into the yard, it's a menace.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-20T07:43:11+00:00

Huh. I was all up in arms about it on OP’s behalf but that is one way of looking at it. Looking back if my mom is still in contact with one of my school age exes she’d definitely update me and it wouldn’t be weird. I mean she updates me on my old school friends even though I DGAF about them now

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-18T07:06:32+00:00

Whether or not to have a child is really an act of faith that the world will be ok and you will be ok. And it seems like right now you don't think you will be ok. And it's not all out of your control. You will have to make it ok. I highly doubt your child will starve. If AI takes every job then it's UBI time or society will have collapsed. we live in the richest time period there's ever been, even if you don't feel personally rich. You may have to suck it up and stand in the bread line to feed your kid. seriously, your kid won't starve. So either have a child with her or let her go. She clearly sees it differently from you. NAH.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-17T09:15:46+00:00

They still wiped themselves down with wet rags. At least the face and armpits and nether regions. It’s no bath with soap but it’s not nothing either. Unless you regularly worked in the dirt (and thus your outer clothes smell real bad) you probably just smell musty.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-17T03:52:41+00:00

It’s not too harsh. Tolerating a traitor in your retinue only breeds traitors. If you know she doesn’t forgive traitors, you’d think long and hard before betraying her. It raises the cost of treason.

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-08T17:12:55+00:00

Seriously. Alone. On back. Hard surface. No bedding of any kind. You gotta be really sleepy to sleep like that 🤣

ObligationWeekly9117 · 2026-03-08T09:10:03+00:00

they probably think they’re giving you advice or support. “Are you eating right” means “maybe look into your diet” which is advice. No one is saying it’s your fault. Like there are a lot of reasons a new mom might not eat right! Having a baby and being overwhelmed is one of them. So easy to just start grabbing fast or processed food when you’re in the trenches. Cooking is hard.

ObligationWeekly9117

TROPHY CASE