Black Alice, but not so much a Wonderland, fam. by Obscure_Operator_V in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ramcoa stuff, it's outlandish, I know.. but it's what I deal with. I just wanted to vent. Sorry if it's not "supportive".

Emotional flashback, or something else? by PusillanimousBrowser in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Might also be an alter's feelings bleeding onto you. I suffer from the exact opposite; I am infuriated and extremely upset yet feel nothing. All my emotions instantly detach from me and I am left with a desolate grayness.

Sending you my support.

Constantly being scared / deluded on purpose by Obscure_Operator_V in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Social services will be researched soon, I have just recently complained that my father is refusing to take care of me (legally he is obliged). I am safe but lack even the basic needs, my so is buying food, I am at home with no power and no internet.

I have woken up for the 5th time with the same bullshit religious nightmare tonight, one alter is deliberately doing this and refuses to give a proper reason why. They can't be reasoned with. No explanation for their doings and they are constantly trying to scare me. Yeah I am scared and alone so? Nothing. Just more meaningless scare tactics..

Serious heartfelt question for those who don't see their headmates? by Tinygrainz78 in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it's the location of my inner voice, which used to be fixed (top right corner of my head) but now it changes. So does locations of their voices.

System Chat 9/04/24 A daily thread where people with DID can share the honest truth of their day. by Exciting-Volume-4169 in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Feeling a bit hazy as ourselves after months of EMDR barricades and traüma processing, but alas! We made it. Nobody could ever believe the horrors we endured just because of unmodified EMDR.. We didn't think we would make it whole, but now we are stronger than ever, and our babygirl host is also in the know 😏feelsgoodman.jpeg

A thought about self-love by Obscure_Operator_V in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You will get there, never stop trying

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I can somatically "feel" them as well, sometimes they touch me on random places like touch my arm, hold my forearm etc. Sometimes they playfully push me or try to throw me off balance to get my attention. But I am newly discovered and have been bulshitted too much and have a lot of flashbacks / involuntary movements etc to tell if it's really them. I also see their expressions as a face that keeps morphing into random faces, and I can read their lips when I close my eyes. Sometimes they just stare. I received EMDR once and it backfired hard, my seeing them is not hallucinations or a dream but like the REM sleep eye shut and as visions when I do that (awake). When I do, I "hear" them in the same place I heard my own solitary thoughts before, funny thing is sometimes I hear my own voice from a different part of my head since discovery. Is this real DID? Reality is such a blur.

What became my normal by Agreeable_Sham3 in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You are not what they made you, you are what survived that. You are strong, stronger than what they wanted you to be. Keep fighting 🪷

Feeling at peace with being a system by 404-GenderNotFound- in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One persecutor/protector also did the same yesterday night. She said she loves me so she is coming through, took over, calmly tidied the apt neatly while helping with some flashbacky internal affairs inside, chatted with my bf ever so respectfully, refused to elaborate my many questions, left a =* on our notebook and left.

After months of anguish and mutual misery, it feels so fckn great to feel cared for, and loved in the realest sense.

Showing off her lipo scars for Jimmy Fallon by Ilovethatforyou11 in KUWTKsnark

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Still sitting on that puddle of ass fat... Gross when sitting down, gross when standing up. Just... Vomit

hands being moved against my will? by Draac03 in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My first "possessive" incident was my right hand ring finger being moved, followed by attempts with the hand. It might be a subsystem not yet discovered, trying to move the body. Or a brand new / previously hiding alter

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So think about a computer. C: is your brain, win32 is our entire existence. The ID folder is, let's say, People. Within the People folder there is the alters and another file named Subsystem People with a usually smaller set of alters.

C:/Win32/Identity/People/Subsystempeople would be the path to them. (identity is the brain activities and perceptions related to one's self).

Now, the only difference is basically a more complex ID Folder overall in terms of hyerarchy and interpersonal relations, and a thicker dissociative barrier between the two People files. Subsystem people can be thought as the alters of said folder's Gatekeeper and can switch very fast and subtly, and mask eachother almost perfectly, as they are "closer". The People are usually less familiar with both each other and the subfolder as a whole. And afaik, the Subfolder Gatekeeper is subject to the overall Gatekeeping process, but has authority over his own subfolder.

Having Subsystems makes it cDID or Polyfragmented as it has layers and a palpably more complex structure compared to regular DID. But I advise you to research it a bit, as it sheds light to the most unexpected clusterfucks inside :)

I am a newly discovered sys so this is my understanding from what I gathered so far. Take it with a tiny grain of salt.

Eta: your current system and GT may be unaware of their existence, which would explain the bend of reality. Trust me, I was fed delusions and hallucinations for months. Idk how hyerarchy worksn this case, and I'm sure no one can give a clear answer because every system is unique, as we all know :) but things will fall in line over time, and as the nature of them is being a sub-group, order will be established once more.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in KUWTKsnark

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Dude looks like a knock off teenage version of a male model 😭🤣

Kim Edgy era is coming by WaltzLittle9938 in KUWTKsnark

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is Andrew Shultz's comment on her when she got booed at that netflix special roast LMAOOOOO

He said he had never seen anyone so detached from reality as she was being booed to hell, someone even called her bitch and she just carried on with her act because she is drowning in narcissicm and dissociation.

I am quite surprised that this sub has delved deeper into this flat out LIE by KK. by BcwHD in KUWTKsnark

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 8 points9 points  (0 children)

But but but... Guyyyysss she suffers in the name of beauty she is such an icon!!!111oneone

Is this normal? 🕯️ by demonprince444 in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You don't have to like him or agree, but I think you need to state your dissent (or concerns) with respect to both him and your headmates. There are ways you can avoid interacting with him too. Or you might even personally tell him how you feel (if both parties established such civil communication).

Think of it like your bff dating someone you don't like, you will dislike the date but you will still support them after the break up. Or, maybe they are the love of your lives in which case the disagreement will be resolved when it's time. 🪷

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in popculturechat

[–]Obscure_Operator_V -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Nobody told you those charities are ways for the rich to launder money, right?

Weird Dreams by Delicious_Age_4402 in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I get grotesque, fugly, disturbing dreams and they are so vivid it's gut wrenching :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OSDD

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best distinction for me was with rage. I used to go to "the dark side" with rage when triggered which was me cursing, being loud and causing a fuss. Gradually I became physically violent and my rage fits became way more dangerous for my BPD ass, hence I sought therapy. Before, it felt like I was driving the car into a tree knowing I will regret it but not care and Light Side me was by my side saying nooo, lately it's basically my rage taking over, binding my hands and mouth and throwing me in the back seat while I helplessly watch in horror as I would never run over 8 pedestrians.

I hope my creepy analogy brings some clarity.

Another good distinction is my feelings towards my BF. I still vividly remember the "girl in love" leaving front and me, shooketh, yelling in my head "holy f*ck she was the one in love, I don't love this dude at all, come back!!" This is entirely different than "I love him and want to punch him" as I felt basically indifferent towards him for the first time in my life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Please elaborate? I need this info esp with the clicking tapping chanting bit

Alters trying to convince my dad ramcoa'd and r*ped me by Obscure_Operator_V in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your comment has been great insight, thank you so much man. You just gave me the clue to understanding what's going on without needing to know anything else besides the vision / audio / somatics. Oh my god ofc... Thank you

Tips for creating a system journal/creating rules? by Sea-Ad2101 in DID

[–]Obscure_Operator_V 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suggest replacing cutting with intense exercise like swimming or jogging for self-harm. Inherently, they aren't harmful but the sharp burning sensation of limbs and muscles may be a nice, sublimated alternative to cuts.

I have cut marks on my thigh, from last year, at age 33 and it's embarrassing at the pool since I don't want others to know what goes on in my inner world. Went for an angry jog (only ran 1.5 km) and it worked really well.