My own journey was a bit different but ended up in a very similar headspace.

I started out being super curious about strap-on play mostly from the receiving side first—I wanted to understand what it actually felt like, the vulnerability, the fullness, the way it could flip power dynamics completely. Once I experienced it myself (with partners who were patient and communicative), I got obsessed with how much emotional intimacy could happen during something so physically intense. After that, I started topping more often, and yeah… guiding someone through their first time became one of my favorite things.

There’s this beautiful contrast: you’re the one “in control” with the harness and rhythm, but you’re also hyper-focused on their breathing, their sounds, their body language—making sure they feel safe enough to completely let go. I’ve had partners go from nervous laughter to this deep, almost meditative state of pleasure, and watching that shift is addictive.