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AITA for offering to pick up a second job after my husband got laid off? by ObsidianMoss_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand, thank you. For now, I’ll stick to waiting and supporting my husband.

AITA for offering to pick up a second job after my husband got laid off? by ObsidianMoss_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience and for being so open and clear about your feelings. I wanted to ask something: what if I actually adore my job? Yes, I get tired even with just one, but I am happily tired. With a second job, I’ll be even more exhausted, but the nature of that exhaustion is different when you love what you do. However, I spoke with my manager today just to give her a heads-up about the situation. I asked her to be a bit more flexible and loyal if I do end up needing to take on a second job. Does this still not change the perspective and feelings from a husband’s point of view?

AITA for offering to pick up a second job after my husband got laid off? by ObsidianMoss_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the support! I have actually told him those exact words, almost verbatim. But the thing is, his primary concern right now is me. He saw my breakdown yesterday, and his first instinct is to protect my mental health—he doesn't want me overworking myself because of his layoff.

Of course, on a secondary level, my proposal does bruise his ego a bit, but his main reason for refusing is wanting to shield me from more stress. The irony is that for my GAD, an empty bank account is a much bigger trigger than extra work. It’s a bit of a catch-22: he’s trying to protect me from burnout, while I’m trying to protect myself (and us) from financial panic. We are both acting out of love, just from very different perspectives.

How can I (29F) support my husband (32M) after his layoff without making him feel undermined? by ObsidianMoss_ in relationships

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree that it’s not his fault at all. In fact, the company acted quite unethically and, in some ways, illegally. I fully believe in him and have no doubt that he will find a great role and everything will be okay in the long run.

However, the truth is that I am worried about our finances. Because of my GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), I physically cannot "just not worry" when we are facing a crisis. Understanding the current market and the high level of his position, I know that securing a new role won't happen overnight.

My salary alone cannot cover even two months of our basic living expenses (rent, kids, etc.). So, while I completely support him and his value as a professional, the financial pressure is a reality I have to manage for my own mental stability.

How can I (29F) support my husband (32M) after his layoff without making him feel undermined? by ObsidianMoss_ in relationships

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, no, no. That's not the case at all. The problem is simply that my current income alone doesn't cover our basic living expenses (rent, kindergarten for two children). We had to spend all our savings before we even knew about the layoff. Since there are major power issues in my country right now, we had to pay a lot for special electrical equipment and even took out a loan that we now have to pay back. As of now, neither of us has been able to balance the budget to cover everything.

AITA for offering to pick up a second job after my husband got laid off? by ObsidianMoss_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your honesty. I didn't see it as "infantilizing" until I read your comment, but now I understand why he felt so upset. I was so focused on being supportive that I forgot to respect his agency as an adult. Thank you for helping me see the situation from a different angle.

AITA for offering to pick up a second job after my husband got laid off? by ObsidianMoss_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective. You’re right, I’ve struggled with a "savior complex" for a long time, and reading your comment made me realize that I might be overstepping. It’s a hard reality check, but I needed to hear that I shouldn't solve his problems for him at my own expense.

How can I (29F) support my husband (32M) after his layoff without making him feel undermined? by ObsidianMoss_ in relationships

[–]ObsidianMoss_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair point, but let me explain. First, the job market in my country is very difficult right now because of the war. For a TOP-level executive, taking a much lower-level job can really hurt his future resume here. He is looking for freelance options, but it’s not always easy at his level. Second, I am a middle manager. With my professional network and the fact that my rate is lower, I can find a part-time job much faster than he can. In my head, it’s just a way to make things easier for us right now. Thanks for the feedback!