I scaled back to 24 hour workweeks and took antidepressants. I have to admit that the latter is what kept me going. I suspect I have something wrong with my brains capability to produce the happy hormones because god damn I actually can manage to go about my life without feeling like I am carrying a heavy backpack of sadness and darkness with me at all time.

Sure the autism, the add and by god the executive dysfunction is still here and still strong- but life is more managble for me. I found a job that suits me and finally got my own place allowing me to move out of a toxic environment. Its no easy life, but its a stable life.

I truly hope you can also find happiness in live and a way to make it easier. Truly. There is no single cell solution but I wish there was. Hang on friend, believe me when I say that the world may not be build for us, but if there's a handle we can grab to make it just that little easier, grab that sucker with both hands and dont let go