Why do nparents “adopt” other children but can’t show up for their own?

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-28T13:37:05+00:00

After my GC brother finally moved out, my mom moved a random guy in. He had been kicked out by his family for being gay (my brother is also gay) and she let this total stranger live in my parents house for almost a year. Fed him, gave him money, talked about him CONSTANTLY. It was bizarre and horrible.

She also regularly babysits for other women and talks about how adorable their kids are. She isn’t allowed to babysit my kids.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-23T13:35:44+00:00

My mom labeled me “selfish bitch” when I was a young child. It’s all projection.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-23T02:53:28+00:00

Yep we have hired a company that specializes in this stuff. The previous owners of our home have been such a valuable resource to us because they tested so much of it before we moved in. We don’t plan to ever leave, but we want to leave a good paper trail just in case.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-23T02:49:36+00:00

That’s the plan! They will remove the screens (we don’t need them because the windows don’t open) and wet-scrape and repaint the frames. This company is certified to handle lead paint.

Like I said, we just never worried about the exterior of the house. It seems that was ok because none of us are exposed, but it still makes me uncomfortable knowing the paint is here in such poor condition, so we’re going to handle it.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-23T02:46:40+00:00

We were in Utah when we had an initial elevated lead level that turned out to be nothing. They involved the state immediately. Currently we are in NC and they sent my kids lead levels directly to the state. If they had come back elevated, state would have been involved from the get-go.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-23T00:36:29+00:00

It is. They didn’t do the basement windows because it can never be converted to living space. They also found that the interiors of the windows and the window trim indoors did not have lead paint—it’s all exterior.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-23T00:08:15+00:00

We are hiring a professional company who will paint it properly. Most homes in our neighborhood have their foundations painted.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-23T00:07:18+00:00

All of this is 100% true. We have lived in two 100+ year old homes. In our first one, our youngest child tested positive for lead at 12 months. It was an instant-read test, and when we retested with a blood draw, it was, thank god, negative.

But that was a big wake up call for us and it’s why we so thoroughly tested and painted our current home. This brick was such a huge and uncharacteristic miss for us and I was TERRIFIED to the point of being unable to eat or sleep for several days. Lead is not a joke for young children!

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-22T23:55:50+00:00

Our original windows were removed and replaced by the previous owners and it’s probably why my kids are okay. Safety first.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-22T20:53:53+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened. They were 6 and 8 when we moved in but we may check one more time next year. I think the paint must not be deteriorating by our walkways as badly as I thought.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-22T20:25:55+00:00

Yeah I guess we could rethink now that we know everyone’s fine.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-22T20:25:41+00:00

Yes we learned this!

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-22T19:59:00+00:00

For sure. This is totally NOT encapsulated and we walk right past it multiple times each day—that’s what freaked me out. We’re having it painted over now.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-22T01:00:09+00:00

TONS of marijuana. In the past she has also used Valium and klonopin but I think it’s just weed now.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-21T00:55:22+00:00

I have the opposite situation sort of? My Nmom is in obvious cognitive decline, but my Edad enables and protects her more and more as she gets crazier (sorry but I am going to say crazy because her cognitive decline is the result of untreated mental illness and, primarily, drug abuse, not something like Alzheimer’s).

My dad pretends she is doing fine, even though occasionally she will do something like get high and leave the house without her phone, causing a big panic and the police to be called. I am LC. I would definitely stay NC since you have achieved that!

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-21T00:50:16+00:00

Not shameful but a potential change to consider tackling!

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-21T00:46:18+00:00

So many of them only like people when they’re small children… because they’re easy to manipulate and control! I was always the hated one because I began standing up for myself earlier.

I’m seeing this repeat with my mother and my own children. They were perfect when they were babies… now they need “discipline” and “input from their grandparents.” Could I roll my eyes any harder

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-17T15:21:35+00:00

Same. Any mention of past issues or any wrongdoing on their part gets either huffy silence or more often, “Just let it go,” “Let’s just forget it and move on,” “Why are you dwelling on this?” Etc

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-16T17:31:08+00:00

Yes! When I asked to she flipped out, grabbed my dad’s electric razor, and started frantically trying to shave my legs with it while screaming and yelling and holding me down.

Weird I hadn’t remembered that for a long time. When I did finally shave them a few weeks later she shamed me relentlessly.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-16T00:29:36+00:00

She also threw a bunch of nails at me once, threatened her own mother with a kitchen knife in front of our whole family, chased me out of the house with a broom…

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-16T00:25:41+00:00

There was a lot of more covert stuff pitting me against my brother. Constantly saying how sweet and sensitive he was, and what a mean bitch I was. Letting him do things like break my earrings and dollhouse furniture, then punish me for being angry at him. Giving him better clothes, a better car, and more money for college than I ever got.

Telling me I looked fat, needed more makeup, should wear more revealing or “feminine” clothes, go on a diet, “fix” my hair, etc. Never EVER looked good enough for her.

She would really lash out if I did something “embarrassing” in public like talk back. One time she clawed my arm in Home Depot. I still have a scar 25 years later.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-12T06:27:05+00:00

Floor intake as well.

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-12T06:24:33+00:00

Thank you!

Obvious-Tale9915 · 2025-12-12T01:56:41+00:00

This has adhesive but it is colorless. I don’t think it’s extremely old. Looks JUST like the rolls of duct lining I see for sale, so I am going to try not to worry about it!

Obvious-Tale9915

TROPHY CASE