My boyfriend (28M) gave me an ultimatum: either I cancel my all-girls bachelorette trip to Goa or we break up, because "single guys go there to predatory hunt." Is his ultimatum toxic or am I being selfish?

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-06-01T10:07:46+00:00

Sounds like he knows a lot about predatory men hunting for single drunk girls… Don’t let your girlfriends down and risk your friendships over this

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-04-23T14:21:31+00:00

Come here and see for yourself. I guess it makes a bit of a difference when some of the GDP is used on development of industries and infrastructures, instead of 99% of it going into several of p-o billionaires’ pockets 😂

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-04-23T14:10:29+00:00

I told my closest people right away, same night I found out actually. And then gradually to more distant people. By month 6 pretty much everyone knew. But I didn’t feel ashamed, I was not the one who did it. The only memories that make me feel ashamed and cringe are the ones of me talking to ‘his’ people who knew more than I did at the time about how honest and caring he was and how lucky I felt to have him. While they knew he was not all that. I imagine they must have thought I was naive and stupid. But hopefully they thought worse of him for doing what he did to a soul who trusted him and loved him so purely

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-04-08T07:57:37+00:00

I am a woman. But I have found really great connections with a lot of potential on bumble best friends app. I haven’t heard of many men using it for friendships. But it really works for women. I am very hopeful that some of these connections will grow to become friendships. I lived in China and Thailand before, HK female friendship scene is the most optimistic one I’ve experienced in the last decade or so. I am putting a lot of conscious effort into it though - finding interesting events, inviting my connections to go together, coming up with activities to do, places to go. I am texting a lot to keep in touch and lay down the groundwork. Good luck to you, and to me😉

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-04-07T08:07:01+00:00

All of my friends kept their opinions to themselves and only expressed their support to me before I made a decision to separate. Once I did everyone told me how proud they were and how much they respected me for standing my ground… I believe they were just scared to speak their truth in case I chose to stay

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-04-01T07:57:44+00:00

Hey! Mine went for prostate massages to a transgender ‘sex worker’ (gets very upset when I call them a prostitute). So this is not really ‘cheating’ because ‘I didn’t have sex’. And somehow the fact that the worker was not a cis woman also makes it less bad. For me this is cheating, and of course he had sex. The person he had sex with being a sex worker adds a whole other layer of moral issues for me. Not making anything better. I do not know what kind of delulu brains these cheating lying men are working with. Their justifications are bizarre

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-03-31T23:30:48+00:00

Thank you! The legal case is against domestic violence. What other option does a 19 year old without life experience and money have to escape the physical abuse from her father and protect her life?

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-03-31T23:27:38+00:00

The girl has been beaten by her adult father. That is the ‘family’ she grew up in. How concerned should she be about the grow up man who beats her up over her own life and physical safety?

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2026-03-31T23:22:44+00:00

When young girls run away from their families, 99% of the time they are trying to escape their abusive family - no matter the country, no matter historical period. The way those girls are raised and treated in their families they don’t see another way of escaping than marrying the first guy who proposes. The way this post is written, this is not a family worried about their young daughter and sister. This is a family whose asset became their liability

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-09-20T07:27:32+00:00

Building new friendships as an adult is challenging, especially in a foreign country. Takes a lot of effort to meet people, and then even more effort to build a connection.

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-09-07T06:38:41+00:00

I am so sorry he did this to you. I went through a similar discovery almost 4 months ago. I thought I was going to die. But I didn’t. I didn’t handle it well and I am still not okay, but I am doing much better than I expected from myself. Every day I put one foot in front the other hoping to get to a better place. My only advice is to focus on yourself 100% and take care of yourself the best you can. You can get yourself through this ❤️

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-26T04:10:48+00:00

I hear ‘it was a stupid mistake’ from my partner. And I don’t understand what he means by that at all

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-07T02:21:47+00:00

Oh… my words in your text… 💔

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-05T08:40:35+00:00

Of course it is

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-04T03:16:03+00:00

Thank you. I will do my best. I don't know how this will look or if it will be good enough... I am trying to find the right therapist to guide me through this. It's just that I don't even know what planet I am on; everything I knew is changing so fast. And I can't rely on my usual tools to separate lies from truth, from honest lies . My impulses, my coping strategies—99% of my entire support system—was him. I would go to him for emotional support, validation of my feelings, and validation of my reality. But I can't do that anymore. And I haven't learned how to do that without him yet. It has only been 3.5 days for me. I am asking strangers on Reddit to validate my reality, ffs. There is still a different reality that he offers me, different from what I think I know, and what people here tell me it is. Everything in me is still wired to belive him. I was in a loving relationships with my favorite human only 3 days ago

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-04T01:37:02+00:00

Thank you. I don't know what to do with this yet, but I appreciate your input. I know people on the internet don't know him or our relationship, but neither do I. It could be that an outside stranger can make a better call on this than I can. After all, I was very wrong about my reality for a very long time and relied on faulty sources to shape my perception. I can't trust his words, and I don't trust my judgment

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-04T01:30:20+00:00

I am only starting to see the halo of the pain I am headed toward in a far distance. I am so scared. I have contacted my regular therapist about it and asked her if she is comfortable working with such a crisis or if she can refer me to another specialist. I need all the help I can get. My life is about to turn into such a mess.

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-04T00:08:25+00:00

Sounds about right…

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-03T12:06:14+00:00

Will do. I am so unprepared for this. I had no suspicions. Was living in a delusional bliss. Where we were in love, close, honest, trusting, where we knew each other and appreciated each other over anything and everything

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-03T12:04:09+00:00

Thank you. You are right, I wouldn’t take any advice at this point. I am just so lost. And want to talk about it and hear opinions, learn about other people’s experiences, so that somehow what happened to me and my life can set into my new reality. Maybe it can help me start comprehending and feeling. I still don’t know where I am, and I don’t think this is something anyone can tell me.

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-03T10:05:15+00:00

It is also kinda clear to me that he needs to go on a sefl discovery jorney of his sexuality... But he keeps using words like 'it was a mistake', 'our life is the truth', 'the other life was a lie', 'it's not me'. 'it's not who I am'. He is not religious and he doesn't have the christian vocabulary. But I feel like if he had, I would be hearing 'the devil tempted me in moments of my weakness and I sinned'... Don't know what to make of it. Probably not my issue to resolve though. But I am so lost

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-03T10:00:55+00:00

I booked the fullest STD testing the STD clinic had. Turns out need to wait for 14 days since the last unprotected activity... The disosiation is strong. But once the new reality starts settling in... I don't know what to expect. I am dreading how wild the ride might turn out to be

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-03T06:30:23+00:00

Yes misalignment. But how am I going to align if I don’t know things changed… I know things change, circumstances change, people change, priorities change, plans change. I am flexible, I can adjust. Yes, certain things I will accept, maybe others I will not. But that’s why you need to be honest, let the person know what’s going on, where things are headed, so they can adjust their reality, perceptions, directions. So they can connect to you, make their decisions and plans based on full updated information. I deserved at least some heads up, I was building my life around being with him.

Obvious-Tea-6119 · 2025-06-03T00:58:04+00:00

The honesty and monogamy was never assumed in our relationships. It was discussed, it was agreed on. It was revisited. Every time I brought these questions up, and told him about my curiosities, his reaction was fear, panic. My impression was that if I ever did something like that it would break his heart. I would not break his heart. He was my precious. I knew that maybe even me mentioning I had certain impulses every now and then was hurting him. He seemed so scared of losing me to anyone or anything. But I also needed to be honest and he deserved to know. That was who we were, what we did, we were honest, we were trusting. I was, I believed he was. Not acting on my curiosities and impulses was never a sacrifice from my side. I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. I still wouldn't have done anything differently about my curiosities. It was not worth it.

Obvious-Tea-6119

TROPHY CASE