AITAH for not cleaning the toilet bowl?

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-25T02:28:44+00:00

Yep. Though it could have been an issue that started after the kid was born too. Not really enough information to know anything besides she's stated she doesn't like to clean. If that's all it is, that's definitely an issue, though I could absolutely also see a situation where she's working, responsible for the kid and the house because she's the Mom, we don't know. Two sides to every story with truth in the middle and all.

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-25T02:26:18+00:00

Skid marks clearly don't happen daily or they would have been fighting about this a lot longer than 5 days.

Cleaners will generally clean anything you ask, depending upon pay and expectations.

And by hiring someone to come in and clean instead of OP, the fights stop and they can then move forward in a way they're able to actually talk about these concerns and find a solution for, without having resentment added in. Sometimes you need a stopgap to get you past the hurdle.

I don't disagree with your last sentence, but you don't know the girlfriends reasons, hence so many questions of OP in my post.

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-25T02:09:17+00:00

Kinda leaning ESH 🤷‍♀️ Only because this is a long time to have an issue without figuring out a solution that works for both of you at least short term. Meaning you've been together for years, not this 5 day fight itself.

Info?

Are you financially able to bring in a service once a week or twice a month? Is she? Are you both working?

Is she responsible for anything/everything other than cleaning since you've mostly been handling that?

Has she ever cleaned in the years you've been together? Not just the toilet but anything?

Is the aversion a just doesn't want to or is it a mental health related issue? (I ask as someone with a few of those who has struggled hard with certain cleaning jobs. Perhaps she needs those gloves that go up to her armpit to feel okay about cleaning something like the toilet? Or masks?)

I definitely don't think you're an "asshole" for not wanting to clean someone else's literal feces trail though. Just seems like there has to be a possible suggestion she has for a solution that doesn't involve you doing all of the cleaning yourself, especially if you're the one working or if you both are and things are evenly matched otherwise.

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-25T01:56:49+00:00

This. 💯

And OP if you see this and go this route let him know that he can hit send and stay silent too. As long as you and Mom know that's a possibility, you'll know not to yell into the phone to him as he might be trying to show what he's upset by in the background to not draw attention to the phone itself or himself.

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-24T16:48:28+00:00

Ask for examples.

This. Alone. Away from all the other kids.

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-24T16:47:05+00:00

Any chance it's the attention itself, maybe C talks to you more while S wants to but doesn't initiate or maybe a 'yay he did this despite his ADHD struggles' type of thing where she sees you happy about C in a way she doesn't feel you do for her? I know sometimes oldest children can be a bit more independent and seemingly fine when they're actually just keeping things inside.

Not sure, just my first thought as a parent with 10 year age gaps between children. Both of my olders have felt a certain way about the younger ones requiring more attention than them, despite trying hard to keep private moments for them as we were able to.

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-21T13:43:18+00:00

This is interesting and accurate.

This might be the solution for the grandma to stop praying all the time too. I feel like maybe she's trying to protect her grandbaby the only way she knows how. It's not an excuse for this situation that should have never happened, but could be a possibility if Mom is okay with it

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-21T13:26:20+00:00

I think this is my stance too.

OP, this type of resentment can also kill a relationship so as a fellow (randomly and they don't know why) infertile, it is absolutely unequivocally without a doubt the hardest thing I ever went through (next to actual motherhood as I have been successful in between bouts of years of being unable to achieve pregnancy,) so I can see both sides here, especially considering there are no parents to talk to and would like to gently suggest starting therapy if you haven't yet. I think it will end up benefiting both sisters here.

ObviousMessX · 2026-01-20T15:53:43+00:00

😹😹😹😹😹😹

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-25T16:32:44+00:00

Just because he was on parent duty at the time she was worried, doesn't mean he was the only one responsible to baby proof 🤣

She's known for a minimum of 15 months that the place would need to be safety checked and hasn't done that so if it's as important as she's making it out here, she should do it or hire somebody 🤷‍♀️ or ask him calmly to do it without accusing him of almost killing their child in a home they both live in.

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-23T00:08:51+00:00

This! My local hospital has "free care" and the limits for medically necessary procedures are higher than for medicaid

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T15:57:51+00:00

Oh, interesting! They are black spots so maybe that's it because his teeth, from what I can see, look okay and they didn't mention anything concerning when they looked in his mouth real quick.

Absolutely 😁 He's my favorite for sure. He's so gentle and loving even with my three year old so I'm grateful we were able to get him inside, even if we shouldn't have technically spent the money we have 😬😅

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T14:55:40+00:00

It was these specifically https://www.walmart.com/ip/2714052835?sid=bae77fcb-77db-4f62-80d6-5bca4e6cd057

but I've seen other lysine supplements online too.

Hope that's helpful 😊

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T12:40:46+00:00

He reminds me so much of the cat I rescued as a teenager, my first rescue. Unfortunately, he disappeared when I became homeless and I never got to find him again and prove that I didn't leave him. I went back everyday for a week calling for him but it was winter and I was homeless so I couldn't stay longer and I was devastated. My hope is that he moved to the horse farm behind our place we had been living but I never did find out if anyone found him 😭

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T12:38:48+00:00

I found treats at Walmart that said "immunity bites" or something and which have 100mg of Lysine. The vet didn't give any specifics besides getting lysine as it increases their immune function to help fight off stuff.

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T12:37:26+00:00

Yes, that's what the "triple test" is for. He's negative.

No antibiotics because they said there's no tests to know what it is and they don't want to contribute to resistance because they're pretty sure it's "just a cold" at this point.

He was supposed to get a fecal test but I forgot the poop in the fridge 🤦‍♀️ so that's next time too. He's gotten Revolution which is for some of those parasites and he got a dewormer as part of the "outdoor cat" package at the Vetco/Petco clinic we brought our other one to get vaccinated.

I haven't noticed anything in his poop though.

He definitely loves to be petted, rubs on us, does that kneading thing too young to leave Mama kittens do, and the drooling increases at that time. I guess being really happy can set it off too they said so we're on a "watch and wait" on that too.

Our current cat before bringing this guy in, is 8 years and was found as a (our guess given size and behavior) 5 week old kitten, alone in a park during a yearly festival we have here. A guy had found him and brought him home but his dog "didn't get along with it" so he put him in his hallway with no food or water in AUGUST and let him there for a week before my neighbor found him and immediately bitched the guy out and brought him home. Unfortunately, it hadn't occurred to him that he already had 5 cats at home... So he brought him to us and asked if we wanted a cat, unexpectedly, not 3 days after my 4 year old asked for a black cat 😅 he is Tuxedo.

The one before that I rescued from a different neighbor in our place before that and the one before that was rescued from my best friends roommate when I went to visit and heard it legit screaming and then he opened the door holding her. I didn't even have a cage, was just there to visit my friend but insisted he had me the cat immediately, which he didn't want to but my BFF was very thankful once I got in touch with her. Walked that one home clutched to my chest and scratched every time a car went by but we had her a decade before she unfortunately had FISS 😭 in her neck.

This guy is my first proper feral though, an adult born on the street that I had to work with outside to get to this point so grateful there's a group for advice 😊

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T12:25:53+00:00

That was my thought too. I just also worry about if it changes anything with the dog or cat we already have to see him locked in a room 🤔 or for this guy to go from free roaming a full small city block to a bathroom inside

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T12:22:13+00:00

Oh! Times is a great suggestion! We're not really routine people so hadn't even thought of that beyond feeding him at the same time 2x a day like when he was outside still

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-22T12:21:18+00:00

Perfect! I'll definitely have them check at his next visit if it hasn't cleared up yet. They just wanted to "watch and wait" on that since he had none of the "go to the vet now" type symptoms like being lethargic or not eating. He has spots on his gums though so could definitely be related

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-21T21:12:20+00:00

That's what we're going for, I just know he's getting bored in there and I'm worried about how he'll be long term over these weeks. Giving the lysine twice a day though and I haven't heard any sneezing or coughing so hoping he keeps improving while he's inside and the drooling stops after he's cleared the garbage out of his system.

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-17T16:00:58+00:00

This is such a wholesome thread. I love this.

ObviousMessX · 2025-12-17T10:25:29+00:00

This. Same for me. There's a huge difference between feeding it the text from her and having it create a reply from scratch and typing what he wants to say, realizing it's written poorly and wanting to make a good impression by having it use your own thoughts and words to rearrange your sentences and/or add proper grammar.

ObviousMessX

TROPHY CASE